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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like a terrible mum?

11 replies

horridemily · 30/12/2021 17:29

I am a single mum to a 9 year old girl. We haven't spent much time together recently other than Christmas Day as she was away at her dads for two days then I had been working. Yesterday I took her to the toy shop to spend some of her Christmas money, and that was nice but I had to rush to work after so she didn't get much chance to play with them.

Today is the first day we've had no plans and so I said we would have a girls day, play some dollies, do some board games etc and chocolate fondue set she got for Xmas.

It has been a nightmare, we went to the shops this morning and got food/treats in. When we came back we played 5 second rule for a good hour but she started getting emotional because she didn't know some of the answers and was losing (even though she won the first three rounds). So we then went on to play dolls, we did that for around 30/40 minutes and finished on her idea. We then sat and drew together and coloured in for an hour. We then went back to 5 second rule. This is where it all went terribly wrong, she was cheating and just being no fun, basically would refuse to play or answer a question she didn't know and breaking down crying I suggested we have a little rest for 30 mins and I'll put dinner on.

She refused and says it's not been a proper girls day because I want a 30 minute rest. She is refusing to eat, everything I suggest (labrynth, film, walk, drive, uno) she says no and is moping about acting fed up and saying she is bored. I honestly don't know what to do. I find it really taxing when she behaves like this although it's not often. I just don't understand why she's chosen today to be like this.

I feel as if I'm the worst mum in the world as I'm sat typing on my phone whilst she is moping about but everything I suggest she says no! So what do I do? She says her dad is much gunner than me and I just feel like a shit mum tbh

OP posts:
OGenkiDesuKa · 30/12/2021 17:31

Just tell her to go and amuse herself then.

My 7 year old doesn’t need me to be constantly entertaining her so I wouldn’t expect a 9 year old too. My 7 year old would find that overwhelming actually!

Slackbladder22 · 30/12/2021 17:40

Sounds to me like you’re a great mum, loads of fun things planned, and you had part of a fun day.

Just a mum to a moody nine year old.

Maybe give the game a rest for a few days/weeks though!!

user1493494961 · 30/12/2021 17:44

Put a film on and leave her to it.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 30/12/2021 17:45

Oh bless you, that must be so frustrating.

If it’s any consolation mine are absolutely feral at the moment. They’re overtired and overstimulated from Christmas, overwhelmed by all the new things to do/play with, disappointed Christmas is over, their routine is shot to shit, they don’t know if they’re coming and going and resultingly they’re overly emotional, having temper tantrums hourly or just bursting into tears, being snappy, winding each other up and fighting, not listening etc.

Nothing we can do seems to be helping and I’m just counting the hours down until new year is over and we can get back to normal. She will have had an absolutely lovely day and is just overwhelmed. Leave her to cool off for an hour and try again after tea, does she have a bath bomb or new pjs she can put on? If she’s still not for cheering up, stick the tv on with something familiar, let her chill and stick her to bed early.

Treat yourself to something nice in front of a film and crack open a bottle of wine - tomorrow is a new day and you’re a lovely mum.

ShampooDoodle · 30/12/2021 18:00

Every single time me and my pre teen set foot outside our front door, whether a walk, go shopping, on a trip anywhere, we argue for the first 10 mins! Drives me insane

SuckIt · 30/12/2021 18:03

It’s fine for your daughter to feel like that. I feel like that much if the time.
It’s not you, it’s her and what she feels is perfectly normal. It’s hard work to be ‘on’ for an w tire day. She needs some time doing her own thing.

immersivereader · 30/12/2021 18:04

Sounds like you're trying to hard? Just leave her be

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/12/2021 18:11

It's the contrast between you and Disney Dad at Christmas.

horridemily · 30/12/2021 18:18

@Arethechildreninbedyet

Oh bless you, that must be so frustrating.

If it’s any consolation mine are absolutely feral at the moment. They’re overtired and overstimulated from Christmas, overwhelmed by all the new things to do/play with, disappointed Christmas is over, their routine is shot to shit, they don’t know if they’re coming and going and resultingly they’re overly emotional, having temper tantrums hourly or just bursting into tears, being snappy, winding each other up and fighting, not listening etc.

Nothing we can do seems to be helping and I’m just counting the hours down until new year is over and we can get back to normal. She will have had an absolutely lovely day and is just overwhelmed. Leave her to cool off for an hour and try again after tea, does she have a bath bomb or new pjs she can put on? If she’s still not for cheering up, stick the tv on with something familiar, let her chill and stick her to bed early.

Treat yourself to something nice in front of a film and crack open a bottle of wine - tomorrow is a new day and you’re a lovely mum.

Aww that was a lovely post and made me smile Smile thank you!
OP posts:
horridemily · 30/12/2021 18:19

She's having her dinner now and seems to be peeking up and not so grumpy. She hasn't ate much today so that could be at play also.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/12/2021 18:27

I feel as if I'm the worst mum in the world as I'm sat typing on my phone whilst she is moping about but everything I suggest she says no! So what do I do? She says her dad is much gunner than me and I just feel like a shit mum tbh

She's emotionally manipulating you. Most kids learn to do this at some point! Stay strong and show no weakness Xmas Grin

Honestly, I just nipped it in the bud with mine and told them to amuse themselves when they got like that.

My parents did the same with all 5 of us, otherwise they'd have lived a miserable guilt-ridden life!

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