Wanting my own room and belongings

[CecileDeRetour]

I post on Stately Homes a lot but am currently preoccupied and was interested in a range of opinions.

I’m 29 and live at home. I don’t pay rent although I have offered and tried to do so (and may yet do so in secret). My parents own two houses and rent one out. I live in a room and bathroom off the house. While I’ve been away my mum has been in and out (not that she doesn’t come in and out and keep things in my part of the house) and my sister has been through my clothes and books and borrowed them. I have been very clear this upsets me, I do not want them in there and I certainly don’t want my items borrowed without permission. In the past this has ended up with me in tears. I am not allowed to install a lock and my parents have keys to the other door.

I have had MH issues and do not want to hide that, I don’t look after myself well at all. However I am an adult and this lack of boundaries upsets me so much. They also do not leave when I ask them to. I have lived alone before but whenever I e had difficulties my parents have sort of assumed that I will move back in.

AIBU? Will not be offended by either answer.

It’s your Mums rules as it’s her house, if she doesn’t want locks that’s her choice. Are you keeping your area of the home clean and tidy? If you don’t like it move out.

Of course they shouldn’t be going through your room.

Do you work?
I would move out ASAP!

Do you have any savings?
You could look into buying a one bedroom flat which will be more room then you’re used to and you’ll be getting on the property ladder.

I’ve moved out four times.

Sorry @CecileDeRetour but YABU putting yourself in a position that allows your family to abuse your boundaries and to expect your family to change. This is who they are and what they do. I’m sorry your MH is fragile and I mean this kindly. Please move out. If you do not cope well living alone, find a house share or tenancy. You need to find a way to live without relying on your family’s resources because you cannot trust them. Please begin to learn how to live your own life. I suspect your MH will improve hugely. Also, if you are not yet getting MH support, contact your GP. There will be a waiting list but get yourself on it. Good luck.

How does moving back in help? Do you think their lack of respect for you might be undermining your mental health?

@CecileDeRetour

I’ve moved out four times.

So what made you move back again? Were you too ill to manage on your own?

Move out. While you live at home they will continue to treat you as a child. They might continue to do that when you move out, but it won't be in your face all the time.

Instead of paying them rent, maybe consider spending the money on therapy and take some proper time and space to reflect on what's keeping you there.

I understand it's unpleasant, but you either need to accept it or move out, as others have said.