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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at friend not apologising when turning up an hour and 10 monute late!!

24 replies

peacelily · 21/12/2007 18:52

I arranged to mee my (childless) friend today for lunch at 12.30. I said I'd be there early as I wanted dd to eat at 12.30 not be just ordering. I got a test at 12.00 saying she'd be a BIT late and to start without her. Then at 1.05 she called to say she was just setting off she lives at least 20 mins away!!

Poor dd (15m) had had her lunch and was getting v tired coped very well with being in a high chair for so long. Friend then turned up, NO APOLOGY, when I pointed out we'd been there ages and had finished she said "well I AM working from home today" as of she'd done me a favour!

Haven't mentioned how hurt I am at lack of apology, don't mind lateness I'm not brilliant myself but at least say sorry, should I say something? If so how to I do it tactfully? otherwise it will just fester!!

OP posts:

SelfishMrsClaus · 21/12/2007 18:56

I'd leave it if it were me. You had fed dd. she had let you know she was going to be late. What else could she have done?

Not been late obviously, but she had let you know, both that she would be late and that she had just left her home.

Magrat · 21/12/2007 18:56

I don't think childless / with child has anything to do with it .. I think that's plain rude personally

Alambil · 21/12/2007 18:58

I'd be very annoyed too!

Not sure how you can tell her other than be direct; "You know - when we met for lunch, I felt really upset because you were so late"

OR, just put it down to "one of those things" and forget it?

Original poster

peacelily · 21/12/2007 19:00

I think even if you let people know to not apologise is rude and thoughtless, and 1hr 10 mins is not a BIT late 20 mins is a bit.

OP posts:

millie865 · 21/12/2007 19:02

That would annoy me too. Does she do that sort of thing a lot? She didn't even leave until half an hour after you were supposed to meet? That's pretty crap actually.

ladymixalot · 21/12/2007 19:03

If it was me I would probably leave it on this occasion - think the time to say something was when she turned up. I might have pressed home the point by leaving after an hour (once my toddler had finished lunch), and texting her something like 'Have to leave now as it's getting too late, perhaps we can try again soon'... People without children often don't think about how hard it is to keep a toddler happy in a restaurant for that long, but an hour and 10 mins with no apology is very rude, though.

constancereader · 21/12/2007 19:04

She obviously has no idea what being late means to someone waiting with a small child - not that that is an excuse really as it is rude to be that late for anyone. I would arrange to meet her at your house in future.

I would be annoyed too.

Original poster

peacelily · 21/12/2007 19:04

She's not usually like this she's usually v reliable, however v v bossy and impatient. I did have a humourous "word" with her later on in the day about her extreme impatience (waiting for 2 pensioners to load their car up and leave a parking space so she could have it) which she took quite well.

OP posts:

Original poster

peacelily · 21/12/2007 19:06

She's dds godmother and she'd come to see her too, not just me dd has a sleep after lunch which she knows too. She then stropped a bit with me when I said we didn't really have time for her to order a piece of cake!!

OP posts:

manchita · 21/12/2007 19:08

That sounds like something I would have done before I had children. Not on purpose, I think I was just at a different pace than I am now. After a few times my sister explained to me that when children are hungry they need to eat and it is very hard to keep them happy in restaurants once they have finished their meal. I hadn't even thought of that and I made an effort to be on time after that conversation. You don't have to be confrontational, just expalin to her hoew your situation is different to hers. I hope this helps.

NAB3hundredbaubles · 21/12/2007 19:10

My BF was about the same amount of time late and it annoyed me that they hadn't even set off when they should have done. Since I hadn't seen her for 12 months and have known her for 20 years I teased her about it and let it go. She is always late!

Original poster

peacelily · 21/12/2007 19:10

That is helpful Manchita, the problem is I've tried to tactfully say stuff about that kind of thing before, I just get a retort that she has 2 nephews so don't preach to her!

OP posts:

kerala · 21/12/2007 19:19

YANBU at all. I often seem to be waiting for people but I am the square type that arrives approx on time usually. Drives me mad especially when I have a fractious baby with me. Particularly when I have managed to be on time with a young baby who I have carted across town to meet a childless friend who lives nearby and is then really (40 mins plus) late.

Its so annoying. Especially when people think its kind of cute that they are always late - and hey, arent they laid back.

breath breath

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 21/12/2007 20:18

tbh, I would not have still been there. I would have made sure we were gone.

I HATE lateness.

KITTYmaspudding · 21/12/2007 20:34

I give late arrivals half an hour, then I'm gone.

brusselbeansprouts · 21/12/2007 20:35

I hate lateness. Unapologised for lateness is awful.

KITTYmaspudding · 21/12/2007 20:47

What she is saying by her behaviour is that her time is more important then yours. The lack of apology backs this up.
Over an hour is not a bit late, there is no excuse she is a selfish cow.
If you do want to meet her again I would say something along the lines of
" If you are going to be more than 20 mins late lease let me know as I can then make a decision whether it will be possible to keep the arrangement or make it for another time. as it's not feasible to wait around with a child"

Weegle · 21/12/2007 21:16

I would have got up and left once my toddler and I had finished eating. And sent a text saying "sorry DC finished, getting fractious in highchair so had to leave, maybe next time". Would rile me big time but I think that degree of lateness is rude.

mazzystar · 21/12/2007 22:06

I find lateness very very irritating, and god knows it can be very difficult to try to keep small children happy in a cafe but it sounds to me a bit like your friend was trying her utmost to keep your date, despite the fact that something had obviously come up at work. She clearly really wanted to see you, rather than cancel.

Were it me, I would let it go this time.....

tassisssss · 21/12/2007 22:12

Man, I'd be well annoyed. My 15 month old only lasts a few hours absolute tops in such an environment.

So obvious that she doesn't have kids...maybe one day she will and then she'll get it!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 21/12/2007 22:13

very rude to not even apologise yanbu

80sMum · 21/12/2007 22:14

It's such bad manners to be late. Even worse not to apologise for it! It gives the impression that your friend thinks her own time is more valuable than yours. She may not have intended it that way but if I'd been you that's how it would have appeared to me. Maybe you should let her know you were annoyed about it.

allgonebellyup · 23/12/2007 19:21

i would have left as soon as my child had finished their food..
.. and been mighty pissed off.

i have had childless friends make me wait around with 2 screaming and bored children in cafes while they text me that they "are just leaving home/work", so i have got up and gone before they arrive.

ThrowbackTo07 · 10/11/2022 23:34

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