To ask if you've experienced and reported coercive control

[danorak]

And if you pursued a conviction from the offender? If you have, did he get sentenced and what evidence did you rely on?

I'm debating doing just that but have no idea if it'd be totally fruitless and just cause extra stress. On the other hand I think I have at least some evidence.

Experienced yes, reported no. It was years ago and the law has been updated since then.
If you were my friend or sister I would encourage and support you to pursue a conviction. Google tells me 370 people were convicted in 2020 and the number is rising so there is definitely more awareness of it.

It's pointless in my area a man or woman could be found standing over a beaten body covered in blood splatter in front of witnesses and cameras and they would still not have "enough evidence" to convict something subtle like coercion will fly right by them unless of course your homeless and you shoplift a Mars bar then your front page news

Thanks both. I think I will try and write a chronological timeline of events to show the behaviour using the diaries/messages etc I've got. I may also be able to get witness statements but I'm not hopeful I'll succeed!

Anyone else reported it?

Good Luck and please keep yourself safe . In my area we have Salford Survivor Project which has some awful stories.

Children's services know my ex uses coercive control with the children the excuse they use for continued contact is "its not bad enough yet" the father literally told his children he would "be gone" (implying suicide) if they didn't see him

Why the use of ‘he’? Coercion and coercive control behaviour is something both me and my DP are used to due to him having children with a bat shit crazy abuser who is a woman. Don’t be so sexist.

@NCforsafety

Why the use of ‘he’? Coercion and coercive control behaviour is something both me and my DP are used to due to him having children with a bat shit crazy abuser who is a woman. Don’t be so sexist.

Captain oblivious arnt you

They are talking about a personal situation

Experienced yes, reported no - it happened before it was illegal. I got out as soon as I could.

Good luck op, there’s a lot more resources out there now.

I have just made my first phone call to 101 this Xmas after telephone abuse from EXH. This followed 15 years of coercive control, support from Women’s Aid and divorce.

The police said that coercive control is hard to prove unless you’ve been prevented from going out, seeing friends and relatives etc. it is almost impossible to prevent DC contact with the dad unless there is a physical risk to the children.

However, the police were brilliant. They understood exactly the issue, checked text messages etc, and registered a crime of harassment (against my DS) so that If need be they can build up a case. They were clear that, you don’t have to be hit to be abused.

So i’d recommend you make your list of events, call 101, and get police advice on the thresholds for coercive control to be a crime. You will find support and understanding. Would also really recommend contacting Women’s Aid.

Yes reported and agreed to pressing charges. My ex was arrested for c and c behaviour, harassment and assault.

The police felt they had enough evidence for a conviction and were very supportive, however the CPS decided no further action.

They did explain it well to me- that they only take something to court if they feel 85 percent sure.

My 'mistake' was that I went back to the relationship twice before finally calling the police for help. My ex defence at interview was that he was entitled to control/harrass me etc etc because I had given him the reasonable expectation that this behaviour would result in me resuming the relationship with him (as he had been successful before).

On one hand, I wish I had dealt with it myself, the NFA and dropped charges is probably the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me.
On the other hand I found reserves of strength that I had no idea I was capable of and my life has changed so so so much for the better. I don't let anyone hurt me ever, got promoted 3 times in two years at work, bought my own house and learnt to drive.
I hope you're alright OP and that hasn't put you off let me know if I can help with any other questions

Sorry to answer your question -
I had 4 independent witnesses, police body cam footage, phone evidence. All NFA'd

@lollyfalalalalalalalalaaahhhhh I'm gutted for you! Your ex's defence is unbelievable!

@NCforsafety www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/

Sorry for not thinking about the poor menz whilst seeking advice after suffering DV 🤷‍♀️

Thanks so much @FutureHope and @Lollyfalalalalalalalalaaahhhhh for sharing your experiences.

I think I will talk to women's aid again too about this then.

I think I have fair evidence but whose to say it's enough 

I'm so sorry @Lollyfalalalalalalalalaaahhhhh that's appalling. I left a few months ago and will never return now. I hope I can get some witness statements - I think I probably can.

*who's