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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone else has a mother that actually hates them?

8 replies

Glassisalwaysgreener · 30/12/2021 07:34

I know there are people who don’t have great relationships with their mum. But who are still loved by then.

My story is that I grew up with a mum who never masked her dislike of me. She was not the same with my siblings, just me. Spent my childhood telling me she couldn’t stand me and putting me down whenever she could. I never knew why. I was and am a fairly normal human being I think and have gone on to have a good life with a good job, lovely husband and kids who I have good relationships with - our eldest can be difficult but we still manage to make it work and she knows how much I love her.

I left it far too late in life to cut ties with her and didn’t do so until well into adulthood. All hell broke loose when I did - I had to eventually block her in every way I could to stop the hate filled emails and texts. Too outing to post on here but she did a couple of truly awful things to me and my family in retaliation (not illegal, just incredibly cruel) that took me years to get over.

I’d say that I could confidently describe her as my worst enemy. There is very little she can do to us now as I have put so many barricades up to protect us but I know she bears me such enormous ill will and would derive great pleasure if something went wrong in my life. It is a horrible feeling as she is like this malevolent entity sometimes just on the edge of my consciousness. Thankfully she lives in another country so has no physical presence in our lives.

Most people I know are loved very much by their mums and I wondered if there is anyone else whose mum is like mine.

OP posts:
ssd · 30/12/2021 07:41

Im sorry @Glassisalwaysgreener.
You didn't deserve her. You sound a decent person yourself. Everything you've done is a credit to you. I'm sure there will be equally vile mums out there. People like your mum don't exist in a vacuum, they thrive off hurting others and in your family that was you. Yet somehow youve managed to break the cycle and see her for what she is. So well done you, i wish you all the best Flowers

Glassisalwaysgreener · 30/12/2021 07:43

Thank you ssd, I really appreciate your kind words. Flowers

OP posts:
LadyCampanulaTottington · 30/12/2021 07:46

Yes my Mum hates me. She tries hard to cover it up but the mask slips.

She doesn’t like me because I don’t feed her narcissistic supply. I don’t “go along” with whatever opinion she has and I hold my boundaries tight. Therefore I am to be despised. I am ok with it because I don’t have the FOG that children of narcissistic parents usually have.

I’ve seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not looking. Utter contempt is the right phrase.

Anycrispsleft · 30/12/2021 07:56

You should have a look at the Stately Homes thred on the relationships board. It's been going for about 10 years. You're definitely not the only one.

My mother doesn't now know our address. Every so often one of the family will get in touch on Facebook and ask for my address on some pretext. None of them ever say "why doesn't your mum have your address? What is up.with that?" because they don't want to have to hear it.

sweetbellyhigh · 30/12/2021 07:58

How absolutely awful. It is amazing that you can function normally because that is extreme abuse. Well done for everything you have put in place to keep yourself safe.

LolaButt · 30/12/2021 08:00

It’s incredibly hurtful when the person who is supposed to love you most in the world, actively tries to destroy you. It makes you question who you are and why even your own mum doesn’t like you.

It’s not normal behaviour, but sadly yes some Mothers are awful people.

Glassisalwaysgreener · 30/12/2021 08:31

Thanks everyone for their kind replies. Flowers to everyone who also has a difficult mum.

LadyCampanula, I know that look all too well sadly.

OP posts:
Duckswaddle · 30/12/2021 08:46

My mom doesn’t like me, although she’ll say otherwise. It’s been obvious since I was a kid so I have a bare minimum approach to her now.
Recently I’ve tried to arrange get togethers over the summer, have her over for dinner etc but she always cancels with some flimsy excuse. We are often excluded from things which I only find out about because my sister asks if I’m going.
She’s got the hump with me at the moment because I forgot to call on Xmas day (what with my two young kids, making dinner and having six other guests in the house) - it wouldn’t occur to her to phone us of course 🤷‍♀️
Mostly I forget about it because the rage it gives me when I think about it isn’t worth it.

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