AIBU to worry about my son?

[TolstoysWig]

He's told me he's bi, shared (appropriately!) the feelings he has for boys and girls ie I get snippets, he's 17, it's fine, but ... he's such a nice boy. He's gentle and kind, it's always been just me and him. I've been ill throughout a fair part of his teens so he's had to grow up quick in some ways but in others he's quite naive especially having to stay home in lockdowns etc and I just ... am in the horrors about how men are, especially about young boys who don't know what they're doing. I think about the gay men I know and the experiences they had when younger and I just feel so apprehensive for him.

Please tell me IABU and everything will be fine. I'm sending my best boy out into the world and I worry.

I'm finding it hard to get past you saying "But...he's such a nice boy"

Do you think nice boys aren't in any danger if they're straight? Or nice girls aren't?

All men aren't awful you know. Most of them are nice...gay, straight or bi.

17 is a young adult, he's old enough to know who he's attracted to and if you've brought him up with healthy boundaries, he'll be fine.

I think men can be aggressive. And can sometimes be especially aggressive towards bi/gay men.

I am also confused by the 'but he's such a nice boy reference'... I consider myself a nice girl but I also happen to be married to another woman and we have 2 DS.

sounds like you are not ready to let him go, be an adult, have his own life away from you; nothing to do with orientation.
i feel for you, but think you must broaden your circle of acquaintance, or else you will be miserable.
he will be fine.
good luck.

There are loads of kind caring gentle gay men so I wouldn't worry on that front.
Give him a hug and tell him it's okay.

Yeah, I get you… men can be pretty scary

But so too can women. Although the stats definitely swag hard one way!

Best you can do is help him learn to spot red flags and get him into some bind of self defence class

@TolstoysWig

I think men can be aggressive. And can sometimes be especially aggressive towards bi/gay men.

So you're worried he might get bullied/targeted for being gay in society?

That's a valid fear. The most important thing is that he finds a good group of friends who are also gay or bi so he has support with peers who understand the challenges faced by people in general who are LGBT.

Has he got good friends?

His friends are great. Just, really good. We live in a small town and I've met a lot of them, I love their interactions, and how he is with people it looks like they get him. So yeah that's great. Thank you for reminding me of that.

The wider world though ... oh my goodness, I just don't know how it's going to go down, with his (lovely) flamboyant out there self. It's like he puts himself on the line, and I just worry.

It's a different world to that which you grew up in Tolstoy. Even straight boys wear skirts now. Do you live in a small town?

The wider world though ... oh my goodness, I just don't know how it's going to go down, with his (lovely) flamboyant out there self. It's like he puts himself on the line, and I just worry.
Things have changed though it is still a worry, my DD is an alternative dresser cosplay etc I do worry for her innocence, she has been verbally abused she is an emo too.
There is always going to be some bitter hateful people, there's more good than bad, most young people are woke.

I think things are different than the were 10-20 years ago, although obviously homophobia still exists. But he's almost an adult. He can probably take care of himself better than you realise.

The worries about men/aggression, would you feel that way about a daughter?

The risk is similar. Less so really as a male like your son will be physically better able to defend himself.