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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be done with family

7 replies

Anothermumm · 29/12/2021 22:21

I'm mainly here to rant but also genuinely would like to know if I'm just being majorly over-sensitive. Both mine and my DH's family are driving me crazy! It is a lot worse since I had my DD 4 months ago.

My family: my Mum is blow hot blow cold constantly about spending time with DD then makes out I don't make an effort to keep in touch (I message every other day at least), my Dad keeps telling me how to parent even though he wasn't in my life for most of my childhood and my sister seems to think I should jump through hoops to see her and family 1.5 hours away even though they have only been to my house twice in the 4 years I've lived here (been to their house countless times).

DH's family: PIL constantly telling us what we are doing wrong (we need a bigger house, we need to save more money, we need to get the garden done etc etc) but sun shines out of his sister's a** when we are actually in a much better position than her in lots of ways! MIL condescends me about parenting choices such as not weaning DD yet "oh it's coz you're a new Mum you'll learn...you just think you're Mother earth at the moment don't you". Everything is about appearances so she can show off to her friends about the jobs, cars, house etc her kids have and it drives me mad! Latest one is we should make a parking spot for them when they come to visit so they don't have to park on the road a whole 20 metres away from the house 🙄. There is always something, it's constant.

Maybe I'm just sleep deprived and moody but is anyone else's family like this? I just want to say to DH we won't see any of them too much anymore to be honest. When I try to speak to them about how they make me feel I'm either ignored or told I'm being over-sensitive.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 29/12/2021 22:32

I think I'd be telling them all a few home truths OP.
If they don't like it then so be it.
By the sounds of it not having them in your life can't be any worse than having them in your life.

Anothermumm · 29/12/2021 22:47

@Thedogscollar this is what I'm thinking. Don't want to leave DD with nobody other than us though. Though we have lots of friends who absolutely adore her. I've said to DH maybe we just stop making effort but he thinks this is a bit drastic

OP posts:
nalabae · 29/12/2021 23:03

Just don’t live your life to please others, it’s hard but honestly the best advice you can have

saltandherbsandnothingnice · 29/12/2021 23:15

They do sound infuriating but all families are sometimes. Firm loving boundaries are key. Good luck.

Anothermumm · 30/12/2021 17:35

Thanks @nalabae @saltandherbsandnothingnice Unfortuntely when I put boundaries in place (such as times when they could visit DD when she was born) they just get ignored and they do what they want anyway. If I put my foot down I'm told I am being over the top or sensitive. DH has tried tackling them too but they say I'm controlling him (couldn't be further from the truth). I suppose lots of families are like this. Think I just needed to get it off my chest 😂

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 30/12/2021 18:49

@Anothermumm

Thanks *@nalabae* *@saltandherbsandnothingnice* Unfortuntely when I put boundaries in place (such as times when they could visit DD when she was born) they just get ignored and they do what they want anyway. If I put my foot down I'm told I am being over the top or sensitive. DH has tried tackling them too but they say I'm controlling him (couldn't be further from the truth). I suppose lots of families are like this. Think I just needed to get it off my chest 😂
Be more assertive. Tell them your house your rules. If they dong line it don't visit. Some people have no self awareness OP and are just downright rude and oblivious to others wishes and feelings. Time for you to do the same.
Anothermumm · 30/12/2021 19:39

@Thedogscollar oh I definitely was, MIL didn't speak to either me or DH for 3 weeks as I refused to have her round the night I came home from hospital, even when she came to visit DD she held her for 20 minutes and left with just a 'hello' 'bye'. When she decided to speak to us again she told me I was obviously finding being a new Mum difficult but I shouldn't take it out on her as she didn't get to see her granddaughter for a whole week because she had work commitments. I explained that I didn't feel this was my problem and needed time after giving birth and coming home. I was told it was selfish of me as she will never get the first week of my DD's life back and my DM got to see DD before her.
I thought this was ridiculous personally but SIL also told me I was being unreasonable. Got to the point I'm questioning myself! From that point things have got worse, think the relationship is quite damaged now as she really does resent me.

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