To put my foot down with my family...

[IzzyImmyIndyMum]

I don't know but this christmas has made me think basically my whole family bully me. It's very subtle sometimes but I've just had an awful experience with my sister.
My husband tested positive for covid after christmas and I've had messages from her all day saying how selfish we were.
DH has been very careful and we can only assume he got it when shopping in Tesco on 23 December (with a mask on) obviously.
I had an PCR test the day before Christmas Eve and we did lfts on the kids and they were negative.
I feel my sister can't hit me physically so she does it verbally..
Why?

Block her and tell her that she's said her piece, you all are so so sorry and perhaps it is best not to engage with her ever again.

She sounds like an idiot, getting I’ll is nobody’s fault - block her and leave her to stew, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Hope your husband feels better soon.

She sounds horrible.

I have a sister I don't like. She isn't my kind of person at all. I keep her at a safe distance.

Just because they're family it doesn't mean you have to have a very close relationship. It's much better for me to have a civil, but distant relationship with my sister than to agree to seeing her all the time and then getting stressed out with her and fighting.

I agree with blocking her, at least temporarily. Send one last message telling her the way she’s speaking to you is unacceptable and you’re not putting up with is so you’re going to stop reading.

How has she been affected by your husband having covid? Did you see her for Christmas? Even if you did, she’s really out of order.

I would respond that unselfish people would say they hope a person diagnosed doesn’t feel severely ill and will recovery quickly, oh and can I help in any way? So she’s in the selfish camp, clearly. And she can stay there tbh, because you don’t need a selfish fecker like this in your life. Toodles.

How have you been selfish? I don’t get the justification. I honestly wouldn’t speak to anyone that spoke to me like that.

She's obviously not having a good day. Tell her you don't want to engage with her until she's feeling a bit kinder, and a word of sympathy would help.

Did your dh lft before spending Christmas with the family? If not then I can understand a bit if frustration particularly if there were older relatives there. If he did, then there is not way you could have known.

What is her gripe !!!! Why have you been selfish?

Just block her and ignore it.

Block her and move on with your life.

If you feel that your whole family bully you Op then you might want to look up toxic family dynamics, particularly golden child / scapegoat.
Dont JADE
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain
You havent done anything wrong nor has your DH( presumably ?) so by not sucumbing to JADE ( the first thing we always think we should do!)you are standing up for yourself far more effectively than getting into a row.
Just mute her and let the dust settle.
She might triangulate by dragging others into it to contact you.

Did your dh do a pcr or lft?

He did both tests!
I'm always justifying everything I do!

@IzzyImmyIndyMum

He did both tests! I'm always justifying everything I do!

You dont need to justify anything to her. You took all reasonable precautions.

I would put some space between you in future.

I would be asking her what exactly she would have done in the same situation. chuck it back at her OP, She sounds like a very stupid person,Sadly the world is full of them but how you react and let them affect you is down to you and only you. I find a simple will you shut up and fuck off and go judge someone else does the trick!!! It certainly is very effective when they least expect it from you! She knows she can say and do anything to upset you because I put money on it you don;t fight back well maybe just this once its time to knock her off her own sanctamonious perch and tell her exactly what she can do with her nastiness.

I had an PCR test the day before Christmas Eve and we did lfts on the kids and they were negative.

Is this the issue? That you didn't test on the day and so turned up on Christmas Day positive and put vulnerable people at risk?
I can sort of see her frustration if she's worried about people being vulnerable but honestly people shouldn't be turning on each other like this, it isn't healthy.
Op some families do have a scapegoat and if you suspect you're "it" I'd suggest you put a bit of distance between you for a while.

Agree that you need to grill her on exactly why she thinks you're selfish. Don't let it go until you get an answer and then report back to us please!

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

I would be asking her what exactly she would have done in the same situation. chuck it back at her OP, She sounds like a very stupid person,Sadly the world is full of them but how you react and let them affect you is down to you and only you. I find a simple will you shut up and fuck off and go judge someone else does the trick!!! It certainly is very effective when they least expect it from you! She knows she can say and do anything to upset you because I put money on it you don;t fight back well maybe just this once its time to knock her off her own sanctamonious perch and tell her exactly what she can do with her nastiness.

I really wouldnt do this. If you shout and swear at her she will become the victim and use it against you even more. Look up grey rock, withdraw and stop giving her information about your lives( that she can judge) This cuts off her oxygen , swearing and arguing just fans the flames.

So she's saying your husband was selfish to go to Tesco the day before Xmas eve after doing the PCR test and not waiting for the results first? Or that he simply went to Tesco and seemingly 'picked up' COVID there (or so she presumes?)