Have NC for this. I wondered if anyone has any thoughts on something that caused a family argument this Xmas. It is a medical matter. I will just give the essential info, not to make it too specific and technical, or long. Basically:
I have a DH, who has two adult daughters, my DSDs. We also have a 12yo DS together. Not long ago DH and the DSDs found out from family that DH's sister (from whom he is estranged) has been diagnosed as having a genetic condition. The condition does not affect everyday life in any way but does mean that the sufferer needs to make doctors aware of it if they have a general anaesthetic.The condition can be potentially fatal if you have a general anaesthetic using certain agents, but if the doctors know about it, alternative agents can be used and all is fine.
It is of course possible to just tell doctors about the possibility of the condition at the time of an anaesthetic, and they can use the alternative agent just in case (this happened recently when DS had to have a GA). However, the concern would be if the person is not in a position to give this history, in an accident and unconscious, say, with no family around in time (also DS is only 12 and is autistic and probably unlikely to give the history correctly even if he is conscious). So I certainly want to know if DS has it, and the DSDs want to know if they have it. If they do they would then wear a medic alert tag.
The catch is that. although some degree of genetic testing can be done, the only definitive test is a muscle biopsy, which a fairly invasive and, I believe, quite painful, test. Now, the way the conditiion is inherited, if DH was to test negative, the kids could not have it and so would be spared the testing and any further concern. So the obvious first step is for DH to see a doctor and ask for testing.
The problem is that DH is refusing. He says he will see a doctor to discuss the situation but no way will he have the biopsy. This means that 12yo DS is going to have to have the test (as even if the DSDs test and are negtaive. DS could still have it).
DH became verbally abusive and started shouting at the dining table at Christmas when i suggested he was being selfish. This was in front of the DSDs boyfriends, one of whom we only know a little and one of whom we were meeting for the first time. This was very embarrassing for me. And we are no further forward with finding out the genetic status of any of them.
I dont think IABU (unless you think I should just solve it by getting everyone medic alert tags anyway, but I don't see why DS should have to wear one if he does not have the condition).