Extra gifts if doing secret santa

[WinterNeverChristmas]

Yes, I do have another thread on this but having confused everyone with context I am just going to lay out the bare, relevant bones here.

Do you do extra gifts, say for parents, if doing a secret Santa for adults on that side of the family?

Mil is pissed that we didn’t get her a gift, quickly informing us about the expensive gift she got from DSIS, when she decided to initiative a very minimal secret Santa (resisting any attempts at more than a fiver) for her side of the family.

No, secret Santa you just buy the gift for person you’re given. If she wants expensive gifts then why did she want to do secret Santa

Generally I’d expect Secret Santa to be instead of any other gift giving, but I’d have thought it’d be a conversation when you agree it “let’s do SS instead of individual presents this year” or “shall we do a separate SS on top this year”.

We do a family secret Santa. The point of it is that everyone only gets one gift.

Secret santa should be instead of any other gifts but its usually made clear when organising it to prevent misunderstandings.

Yes - parents help with child care, occasionally financially, and spend a lot on the children as do other family members.

I always buy a present from the kids for the 10 adults in the family, I try and keep the budget low but will put a bit of effort in so if I see something they will love in the sales or on offer I will get it and put it away for Christmas.

It does seem a bit of double spending as we have a hefty SS budget but Christmas is the only time I really have the opportunity to “recognise” and show my appreciation for how much everyone does for us. Every year they are surprised we have done it though.

It is obviously not just my attitude though as I got extra gifts as the “host” this year, more of a thanks for having us bottle of wine etc

However, I read your last post and it appears your MIL was expecting something for her status in the family and acted a bit childish - most parents would be mortified if they had agreed a SS and then were the only other person to receive “extra” gifts just because of who they were.

@Kidsaregrim MIL does nothing for us. I guess this was the context I was trying to bring in originally. When she visits here she would expect to be taken out etc. When we visit her she expects the same.

She does not behave like that with DSIL