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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we just incompatible sleepers

18 replies

nimbus5000 · 29/12/2021 07:11

DP and I have lived together just under a year. Have never noticed anything unusual about her breathing when she’s awake - so why does she turn into darth vadar at night? It’s not snoring, just really loud breathing. It can sound like waves coming in on a beach. I lie here pretending I’m at the beach to see if that helps me to drift off but no. I don’t fancy having things stuck in my ears really but might have to try. She understandably gets cross after I’ve woken her asking if she can turn over for the 5th time “I’m sorry, I’ll just stop breathing shall I??”
We don’t have another bedroom and the sofa isn’t very comfortable to sleep on.
I’ve tried blocking it out, arranging pillows around my ears but it’s like a ticking clock, you can’t stop hearing it.
Am I unreasonable? Are we just not compatible when it comes to sleeping?

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 29/12/2021 07:13

Try going to bed earlier than her so you can get to sleep first? I find it's easier to get to sleep in quiet and stay asleep than to get to sleep in a noisy environment.

NumberTheory · 29/12/2021 07:16

YANBU to want to sleep through the night without being woken, but neither is she. You probably need to find someway to sleep separately. There may be things she could do to make less noise (nose strips or the like). And possibly a much larger bed would be sufficient separation. But you can't go on not sleeping properly. It will knock years off your life and make you stabby, which is not good for a relationship.

Marzipano · 29/12/2021 07:16

You're going to have to try earplugs - they're not that bad! I like these ones: www.boots.com/ProductDisplay?productId=2535981

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 29/12/2021 07:38

You have my sympathy and YANBU, sleep deprivation especially caused by someone else is horrendous! Try earplugs, nose strips, etc before you give up - but the ultimate solution could be a second bedroom or a new partner!

Quidgame · 29/12/2021 07:41

Agree with @Marzipano that soft silicone earplugs are definitely worth a try! I got used to them pretty quickly.

TinySaltLick · 29/12/2021 07:56

Silicone earplugs are immense, it is astonishing that the crappy foam ones are still allowed to be sold

Everyone should have an emergency set

Also a shite noise machine! We got one for new born many moons ago and still use it, quality of sleep is so much higher when there is no perceptible noise going on in the background. Takes

Iggly · 29/12/2021 07:58

Ear plugs!!

TinySaltLick · 29/12/2021 07:58

Haha, 'white noise machine'

Clearly my phone has recognised which part of my vocabulary is used more frequently

Iggly · 29/12/2021 07:58

shite noise

😂

ThirdElephant · 29/12/2021 08:04

[quote TinySaltLick]Silicone earplugs are immense, it is astonishing that the crappy foam ones are still allowed to be sold

Everyone should have an emergency set

Also a shite noise machine! We got one for new born many moons ago and still use it, quality of sleep is so much higher when there is no perceptible noise going on in the background. Takes

GrendelsGrandma · 29/12/2021 08:43

White noise machine? You can get free apps for your phone, try it out.

I think over time you might just get used to it, DH snores but I only ever hear it if I'm awake for another reason.

Ironingtsunami · 29/12/2021 09:01

Would she consider seeing a doctor? I had the same issue (being a noisy sleeper) Turned out o had a severe deviated septum and asthma. Both diagnosed at 30. Didn't realise it wasn't normal to be tired all the time until I had those addressed, I had an op and inhalers and felt like I'd discovered a new level of energy.

Mrstamborineman · 29/12/2021 09:27

Loop earplugs. I considered sleeping in my car before I discovered them.

Frauhubert · 29/12/2021 09:32

You need to buy a comfortable sofa for sleeping sorry.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 29/12/2021 09:43

I use flare earplugs every night. They work for me. My husband thinks I have sleep apnea due to strange sounds I make when sleeping but everything has come back clear. I do wear sinus things called mute and they do help get more oxygen in. Really I need my sinuses sorted and my tonsils removed but anyway.

Of course he does not hear himself snoring away when I get up at half five so that isn't a problem!

Wecando · 29/12/2021 09:47

My husband snores REALLY loudly.

To the extent I have to sometimes sleep in another bed. Hasn't affected our sex life too much but in order for me to sleep it's what needs to be done.

I would suggest wax earplugs .. with perhaps some over ear headphones over the top... they're uncomfortable but okay if you lay on your back ( you
can tell I have tried this method!).

Good luck!

Housecar · 29/12/2021 09:54

Try sleeping with airpod pros in your ears on the noise cancellation setting. You really can’t hear a thing.

Original poster
nimbus5000 · 29/12/2021 11:23

Thanks so much for all the replies, I’ll give the suggestions a go!

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