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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my client due to developing feelings for him

30 replies

awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 03:04

I’ve had a client for three months and recently we’ve been texting. It started when he missed my phone call and whatsapped me instead to say he couldn’t talk but could message: I work in marketing so we have frequent communication, but over the past two weeks we’ve become more friendly.

It’s always about work or similar; nothing inappropriate. But I’ve started to develop feelings for him. He’s my type exactly and I love how driven he is.

I don’t think he feels that way about me - we were both off for the Christmas period and while he still spoke to me, it was just a couple of messages a day. There isn’t really either of us who initiate conversation as it’s just a rolling conversation. It’s only initiated if it’s something important and work-related.

I know I have three options -

To cancel him as a client so that I don’t continue to develop feelings

To simply stop messaging as much but knowing that we will still be in contact because he’s my client

He isn’t very active on social media but my friend is great at snooping and he isn’t in a relationship. Right now it just seems we’re friendly but I can’t help the way I feel.

It’s 3am so I probably won’t even get much attention in this post - but if anyone is awake, could you please offer your thoughts?

I did write on here the other day but have name changed again. I am autistic so I’m bad at reading into things.

OP posts:
FiloPasty · 29/12/2021 03:06

It sounds like it’s more than a work relationship, are his messages ever flirty?

I think you have other options than to cut and run.

I just can’t sleep tonight! No idea why

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2021 03:07

I'd go with option 2. Just stop texting. Only see/speak to him for work.
See if you can manage that. Then go from there. No need to make a drama here and now.

Original poster
awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 03:08

His messages aren’t really flirty but more friendly. I don’t want to make a drama (the thought of that makes me anxious) and I wouldn’t tell him how I feel. I just struggle with relationships (of any kind) and am struggling to work this one out.

OP posts:
sjxoxo · 29/12/2021 03:08

I’m awake 😁 id pick option 2. He may well be in a relationship even if it’s not obvious on social media so I do think be careful there. Also maybe be careful with regards to being professional - if you aren’t self employed might be crossing a line and could cost you the client. Id stop messaging and be professional, if indeed he’s single and reciprocative he’ll likely make it known at some point! Xo

Original poster
awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 03:11

I am self-employed, I should go with option two I know.. but I know I’ll keep thinking about him and want our conversations to continue even when they’re only 5 minutes long! I mean, I’m not in love with the guy but I think if there wasn’t the professional boundary there then maybe there could be something. I’ve made sure to only discuss work related things, there has been the odd comment about life/Christmas. He did make a comment at the start that suggested he was single but you’re right you can never be too sure.

OP posts:
Dancingsmile · 29/12/2021 03:15

Are you in a relationship?
If not, it all sounds fine to me. I wouldn't cut him off.

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2021 03:23

Try to be professional. Dont text. As a pp said, if he wants something to happen he'll let it be known.

powershowerforanhour · 29/12/2021 03:26

I'm awake but sorry not much help..I don't know what to do!

If you cancelled him as a client, would you make up some other excuse or tell him why? It needn't be dramatic, you can be pretty matter of fact about it.

daisychain01 · 29/12/2021 03:26

I'd stick to work communication only, via email. No whatsapping.

If he's your client then don't turn away good business. He probably isn't thinking about you, so if you stick to business only and don't imagine he is anything other than a client, it will eventually fizzle out.

ImustLearn2Cook · 29/12/2021 04:32

I remember many years ago, having developed feelings for someone who was not available for various reasons and I stressed about it so much. A wise friend reassured me and said to me that I was attracted to features and characteristics that I admired and was hoping to find in a partner one day. It very much eased my mind, helped me not to worry or make it into a bigger deal than it was and my feelings became less intense.

So, @awakeat258am if there isn’t a mutual attraction or interest in dating one another and you have strong feelings of attraction for him, reassure yourself that it’s ok to have these feelings and that you might be attracted to certain traits that you admire in a man that you might meet in the future.

If he is attracted to you are there any issues or reasons that prevent you and him dating?

Baileyscheesecake · 29/12/2021 04:48

Can you ask about how his Christmas was? You might then glean some info about his home life. Or mention something about your Christmas to let him know you’re single and available. Something that could just be friendly chit chat but shows that you’re open to conversations that are more than work related. Then maybe ask his advise about something - something that might give him an opportunity to chat to you more if he’s interested. Is there a film that’s at the cinema at the moment that you’re interested in? If so could you ask if he’s seen it and whether he thinks it’s worth watching or a local restaurant that he can recommend? Wait until he’s shown some interest in you before you make a decision about dropping him as a client.

KloppsTeeth · 29/12/2021 04:49

Great advice from @ImustLearn2Cook

Original poster
awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 05:27

This is all fantastic advice thank you. A bit of research (aka snooping) later and I’ve found he’s a bit shallow, with lots of old ‘lad like’ behaviour. I’m sure he’s changed now but it’s a side I don’t like in a man. Not that that stops the feelings I have currently but I will definitely take all of this advice on board.

I think I’m going to distance myself over messaging and stick to email and see how the situation goes in terms of whether it shows he is interested or not.

I really love the advice you have offered @ImustLearn2Cook, thank you, that makes things feel easier.

OP posts:
ChrimboGateauxCatto · 29/12/2021 05:57

In short, don't shit where you eat. I.e. Don't mix business with pleasure.

Teeturtle · 29/12/2021 06:59

I think it would be poor form to cancel (i.e. inconvenience) a client because you have some feelings you are worried you can’t control.

Keep it professional, don’t message unless it is about business, no need to message over the holiday period at all. I have booked a decorator for the new year, they have not been messaging me over Christmas.

Dozer · 29/12/2021 07:02

Don’t cancel his business: money is useful!

MerryChristmas21 · 29/12/2021 07:09

It's marketing, you're not his doctor or therapist, so it's not inappropriate.

Relationships/attractions are difficult anyway, it must be extremely difficult when you add in autism.

How long is he likely to be a client? What % of your income does he represent?

Original poster
awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 07:34

He’s likely to be a long-term client but makes up about 5% of my income. I think with autism, it’s that I struggle to perceive things from other peoples points of view and I also struggle to read situations I.e whether something is flirty or professional. I’m forever looking for an outsiders point of view because I can’t trust my own.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 29/12/2021 07:48

Unless you actually cant do your job because of the messaging upsetting you or you want to stop the messaging then if you're interested I'd just carry on as you are. But if it ever became flirty I think youd have to have a direct conversation that its either business or pleasure.

Original poster
awakeat258am · 29/12/2021 12:49

Oh no I can definitely do my job, it’s more irritating than anything but I’ll just nip it in the bud on the messaging and revert back to email.

OP posts:
TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 29/12/2021 13:02

Option 2. Stay professional. And stop snooping on him.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2021 13:06

He isn’t very active on social media but my friend is great at snooping and he isn’t in a relationship.

How does your friend know this?

If it's because it's on his profile, well lots of people don't bother updating those.

Tal45 · 29/12/2021 13:14

You're single why not just enjoy the fantasy even if it doesn't go anywhere. Just don't get too obsessed and let it take over your life. Remember that, at least for now, it's just a crush and a fantasy and not real or necessarily reciprocated.

WonderfulYou · 29/12/2021 13:52

You're single why not just enjoy the fantasy even if it doesn't go anywhere. Just don't get too obsessed and let it take over your life. Remember that, at least for now, it's just a crush and a fantasy and not real or necessarily reciprocated.

I agree!
Have fun with it.

Cut back on the messages a bit in case he feels you’re coming on too strong. But I wouldn’t make any rash decisions like dropping him as a client.

You’ve only known him for 3 months and only in a professional setting. He may end up not bring your type or it may turn into something serious.
Just slow down and keep things as they are for a few more months.

WonderfulYou · 29/12/2021 13:54

How does your friend know this?

If it's because it's on his profile, well lots of people don't bother updating those.

This also.

My close friend is engaged with two children but his SM account shows he’s single because he’s never bothered to update it and there’s no photos of his kids and his partner doesn’t want them on there.

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