To still be upset about a 9 week miscarriage 4.5 years later?

[aibusux2u]

Lost our 9 week old baby in summer 2017. Still feel horribly sad after all this time. We are so lucky to already have healthy children but I still feel so sad about the what ifs. I saw that baby's heartbeat via ultrasound 3 times and I just assumed/ hoped all would be well. Is it silly to still feel sad? Will this never go away? I feel like a fraud as my baby was so tiny so why should I grieve so much, especially as I am blessed to have others, but...

I have a little angel figure on my fireplace as a representation I suppose, of the baby I lost. Sometimes it helps just to look at it as somewhere to direct my feelings. Sorry for your loss.

I think you should speak to someone. I had a miscarriage in July 2017 and while I think about it from time to time i don’t dwell on it or get upset. I had a child before it and have had one since. I know we are all different but it shouldn’t perhaps affect your life years later.

I think it would be worth speaking to your doctor to see if there’s counselling available.

I think you have to be very careful not to spoil your life by wishing for the 'might have been'. It's about accepting that things didn't turn out the way you wanted and letting go of that. Particularly when you have a family. I understand it must be very different for posters who have not been able to have children.

I speak as someone who has lost 4 babies after having our family. All were around the 12 week mark. I was upset at the time I lost each one but have come to accept that it wasn't to be, and that our family is complete as it is. I don't want to blight my own life - or that of my children - by feeling dissatisfied with what we have.

Six losses here, no children. I think about them too OP.

So many lives that never get going, so many women across the globe with these deep private griefs, it's very weird when you think about it.

That little baby just wasn't meant to make it here. I had a miscarriage in-between the children I have now and I know my youngest would not be here if that baby was full term and so what life takes it also gives. I understand though it must be harder if it is the last, your little one just wasn't right for this world. Nobody is missing. You have who you were meant to have and mind them.

Your grief is yours, not to be measured or limited.
A friend of mine lost an early ish pregnancy almost 50 years ago and says she still thinks of them frequently. She told her husband this about 20 years ago, and he actually hadnt thought about it since about a year after it happened. Neither is right it wrong it just is.