to find it odd that BF never uses “terms of endearment”

[HaggisBurger]

Another AIBU (about not using people’s names to them in conversation) reminded me how odd I find the fact that my BF (of 6 months we are both mid 40s) never calls me …. anything. Other than my name. And that only occasionally as you don’t really need to say someone’s name that much do you? 😂
He is very physically affectionate (and not just when we are having sex etc) and is really caring and kind. But I guess I find it … odd and if I’m honest a little cold that there is no “darling” or “sweetheart”. I just use those words naturally along with “baby” and “pet”.
In the beginning I held back from using those words but as we became more serious I just said to him … this is how I speak to someone I care about so I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. We talked about it a little and he said his family just don’t use terms like that so he just never has. Obvs I wouldn’t like him to force himself. That would be v odd.
I wonder is it a regional thing too? I am from a part of the UK where most people use terms like that to everyone really. Whereas he is from SE England (and lower middle class background so definitely not a “lovey” “sweetie” kind of background.

YABU - he can call you what he wants (love)
YANBU - he’s dead inside this Southerner 😉

Fairly lighthearted but I WILL be interested to see what will happen about “I love you”. I am in no rush to say that / have it said. But not sure I could be in a relationship where it was never said, even if felt. And my instinct is it might fall in the same category….

I've been with my husband for 12 years and neither of us ever use any term like that. Maybe it's to do with our locality though? Not a very distinctive area in terms of dialect.
It's never bothered me though and we are extremely happy! I could never imagine doing it either. But I don't use them with anyone 🤷‍♀️

I can imagine plenty of people finding “babe” etc hugely annoying (ie from his point of view)

I've never used terms of endearment like that with partners. Just not my style.

Yuck, I hate those terms like “pet” and “babe” - probably because I detest the film Babe about the pet pig

I think some people just don’t do it! Regardless of their feelings for that person. Its just a personal thing.

I am in the same situation. I'm all "love", "sweetheart" etc and he doesn't use pet names at all in general conversation. Has occasionally used "baby" in a jokey way. We have been together a bit longer than you, and have said "I love you", he was first (surprisingly?) We don't say it all the time, but certainly enough. So I don't think a lack of pet names = unable to discuss feelings.

I hate pet names, never use them nor does DH and if he ever called me babe I'd LTB. I grew up in the rest end of London and live in Essex so get called love, sweetheart, darling, babe, love etc, a lot by random strangers. I really don't like it and DH knows that

If he called me baby I think I'd throw up

I'm North Staffordshire and have never called my partner anything other than his name. Same the other way.

I never ever use them, and in the past, whenever someone has called me anything other than my name, I've asked them to stop.

I would personally find that very odd! I'm from an area where you used to get called 'my lover' by strangers so perhaps I'm biased. Each to their own I guess, but I like the little nicknames and endearments you get in relationships.

I've never said darling, baby, pet etc. Not sure my vocal cords are even capable of forming sweetheart. A vaguely ironic and detached "babes" is as good as I get, it's terrible probably. I had a boyfriend who did pet names once, he told me I did a "just saw a spider" face every time.

@gannett

I've never said darling, baby, pet etc. Not sure my vocal cords are even capable of forming sweetheart. A vaguely ironic and detached "babes" is as good as I get, it's terrible probably. I had a boyfriend who did pet names once, he told me I did a "just saw a spider" face every time.

Lol at “just saw a spider face”

@Sparkai

I am in the same situation. I'm all "love", "sweetheart" etc and he doesn't use pet names at all in general conversation. Has occasionally used "baby" in a jokey way. We have been together a bit longer than you, and have said "I love you", he was first (surprisingly?) We don't say it all the time, but certainly enough. So I don't think a lack of pet names = unable to discuss feelings.

That’s interesting on both counts. There is no way in hell mind you I’m saying I love you first 😂. We shall see …

We don't used any names like that either. Been together 23 years and married for 15. I wouldn't read anything into it.

I've been with my DH for an eternity. I don't think I've ever used any terms of endearment. I find them cringey!

Actually something I’ve just recalled is that my exH (and I .. I was complicit in this 🤮) used to speak in kind of baby voices to each other at the start of our relationship. Who the f*ck knows why. So actually this is way sexier and more manly now that I think about it.
He also does write / say “oh Haggis” from time to time in relation to something a bit saucy or what not and that is actually quite a turn on too ..,

Happily married for decades. Neither if us has ever used a "term of endearment". Grow up. It's not a movie. This is a real life

My DH and I have nicknames for each other but they aren't really terms of endearment!

An ex used to call me baby. I asked him to stop.

@maddy68

Happily married for decades. Neither if us has ever used a "term of endearment". Grow up. It's not a movie. This is a real life

Oooh ok. You did get the “light-hearted” aspect? I’m quite quite grown up, thanks 😉😀😀

Hiya Haggis, going back 20 years to when me and oh just met, we were just friends for a few years, so pet names and I love you weren’t an issue either way.
When a few years later I started to develop stronger feelings than friendship, I bit on my tongue as I couldn’t be sure he felt the same.
I’m fact, I found out later, he was feeling exactly the same!
Neither of us wanted to eff up what we had up to that point.
So I do know what you mean about not being the first to say I love you.
My goodness how things change… once it was all out in the open, our love blossomed and went from strength to strength, and in lots of ways it still is.
It’ll happen when it happens, when it’s the right time for you as a couple to express terms of endearment.
Don’t get hung up about what others do or say, or don’t say, coz they are doing what’s right for them.
I wasn’t a very “sweetie” person years ago, coz I guess I was persuaded that territory is for teens.
However, I feel loved enough and confident enough to say almost anything to my man. Sometimes when he’s being (in a comical way) a twat, I’ll unselfconsciously call him a twat, but not coz I’m being unpleasant.
I’m just trying to demonstrate to you that, in my view, it should all develop naturally when the pair of you are comfortable enough to truly be yourselves with each other.
Btw, I hope that we will still be talking to each other in the same way in another 20 years, time or age should not be a barrier.
Good luck, and ENJOY your relationship.
👩‍❤️‍👨

@Rawmum30 ah thank you for your lovely message. The description of how your relationship grew and blossomed is just beautiful. Glad you found each other! I’ll take on board what you say 😀