Experienced mums pls help!

[blueberry12345]

Shamelessly posting here for traffic

My 11mo DS was great at going to bed in his own room, fed or cuddled to sleep by me or my DH. He's never self settled but that didn't seem to really be an issue as we got him to sleep quickly and easily.

But all of a sudden he won't sleep without me. Screams at bedtime, will fall asleep on me but protests as soon as he's in his cot, if he does go down he wakes 10mins later screaming, really angry crying, my DH can no longer settle him, he only wants me.

Generally this goes on until I give in and go to bed myself and he comes in with me at which point he's out like a light and sleeps really well overnight in our bed.

I don't mind cosleeping but I'd like him to at least start the night in his own bed for a couple of hours so I can eat/shower/talk to my poor neglected DH. My DH has been in the spare room since my DS was born and he's been very understanding but is starting to make noises about wanting his bed back, understandably.

My DH thinks I'm soft and wants to try a cry it out method. I just don't even know what to do any more. I've been totally responsive to baby since day one and i don't feel I've got it in me to leave him to cry for any amount of time. But at the same time I do want my evenings back!

Any and all advice welcome

Worth mentioning that since this started he's also very resistant to being in his car seat and also his pushchair... and he's right on the verge of taking his first steps. I'm hoping it's just a phase/developmental leap?! It's been going on for about a week now. Also worth mentioning he doesn't take a dummy and has never taken a bottle!

TIA x

At this age it probably is a phase and he will improve again. I'd persist in keep trying to play him back in his for when he falls asleep. I did find these kind of phases got more frequent and persist as they got older so then transitioned to a single bed, then it is easier to lie with them and get up when they are asleep.

@Blueeilidh thanks for your response, funnily enough I'd been thinking how much easier it would be if we had a single bed to put him in in his room perhaps with a bed guard. Isn't he far too young though? He just hates his cot so much. He screams if I so much as put him in it to put washing away during the day!

[quote blueberry12345]@Blueeilidh thanks for your response, funnily enough I'd been thinking how much easier it would be if we had a single bed to put him in in his room perhaps with a bed guard. Isn't he far too young though? He just hates his cot so much. He screams if I so much as put him in it to put washing away during the day! [/quote]
A mattress on the floor would be safer than a bed with guard.

One of mine never went in the cot - he hated it so much he made himself sick. No idea what it was.

Put the mattress on the floor and made sure the rest of the room was absolutely safe (furniture attached to walls, drawers and cupboard doors locked and nothing on the tops) and he slept 8-8.

I have 6 kids and his cot issue still baffles me as I've never encountered it before or since.

Yeah my DD had lots of phases where she needed us more and then magically would snap out of it and self settle again. I told myself it was due to learning big new skills but who knows

I'd keep persevering in trying to get him in his own room and hope it passes. There is a lot between doing no sleeping training and CIO - Google controlled crying, disappearing chair and see if any appeal to you. We sort of did CC but based it on how she sounded - if it was a pissed off cry we'd give her a bit longer and she'd generally settle. If she was genuinely upset we'd go in straight away. It was easy for us to tell the difference! CIO is very extreme and I personally wouldn't do it.

Well a 1 year old isn't stupid! Rather cuddle in with warm mummy or on own in a cot? We chose to cosleep!
Good luck with whatever you choose

Teething ? Try some calpol

That clinginess sounds like a big leap. DD is always the same, won't even entertain DH, will just cling to me non stop. Have you looked at the wonder weeks app? May shed some light for you.

It sounds like a sleep regression or he’s ill (cold, teething).

I have had 2 dc and my personal choice is to always respond to crying. If he needs you a bit more at night now, then you’ll have to spend more time with him. It’s tirying and hard but in my opinion it’s the best thing to do. You are responding to his needs.
I did it with both my children. It may seem hard now but it’s truly not for ever.

Dc1 was like this from birth. He never went in a cot, co-slept intermittently. In my desperation at about 10 months I tried cry out on advice/pressure from DH & friends. I lasted two nights it was awful (resulted in vomiting for Dc1 and I was at a very low sleep deprived point) and I was so angry with myself for listening to others (DH worked away) and like you just wanted a bit of an evening and down time. We moved when he was 11.5 months and he went into a toddler bed with guard. My only advice is to do what you are comfortable & happy with and feel is best for your child. All of my 4 have had periods of sleep issues with developmental changes with 2 cot refusers. (Dc1 was a particularly prolonged period of no sleep for a long time though 🙈). All mine went into beds young between 11.5 months-14months, all were ok.

Mine were all hard work at 11m, it’s prime separation anxiety time, plus they’re starting to crawl/walk etc and there is so much going on developmentally, it’s not surprising their usual routines go a bit to pot.

That said, though, it sounds as if you have always fed or cuddled him to sleep and I wonder if part of the problem is that he’s startling awake minutes later and then struggling to settle back down again because he can’t fall asleep on his own.

I would see how things go over the next week or so OP - things may well calm down- but consider using some gentle sleep training methods to see if you can get him self settling. He’ll be much happier for it in the long run. You don’t have to do controlled crying or cry it out, there are so many methods out there. A combination of the pick up put down method plus a lullaby light worked for all my boys, they were never left to cry.

If you put him in the cot so you can put washing away etc as well then he may be developing additional negative associations with the cot - perhaps try keeping it for bedtime and trying to make it a cosy place with more positive associations - for instance popping him in the cot for a bedtime story before you pick him up to get him to sleep?

My dc also hated the cot and would scream his heart and soul to be picked up out of that prison.
Imagine yourself his size it is like a fortress! No wonder some hate it.
Cuddle and comfort, they are babies for a blink of an eye. I have teens now who still love a cuddle.

It’s separation anxiety. This phase of it will pass. I can’t imagine any baby or toddler being happy to be alone in the cot not to sleep though.
I had a newborn by the time my elder child was 11 months so my approach was not to put the washing away at all and just dress everyone from the clothes horse. Might not work for everyone though.

It really is perseverance, consistency and routine that are the key here.
I was a feeder and rocker to sleep, and slowly transitioned initially by doing the last feed before bath and getting ready for bed and then cuddling to sleep. I then didn’t put them in the cot until fast asleep and yes this could be 40 minutes. They’d be laid down on the warm blanket they were wrapped in as otherwise the cold sheet woke them and I kept pressure on them and did a back rub/butt pat so they thought they were still held, once I stopped if they stirred I resumed the pressure and patting etc.
Shortened the time cuddling gradually and eventually put them in to bed drowsy with patting. Then awake and story patting.
It is time consuming in the short term but long term gains are worth it.
No reason DH can’t also do this as they will get used to it eventually, if you go out you just aren’t an option.

Thanks everyone some really good advice here.

I'm seriously tempted to create a floor bed set up.