AIBU for being angry at husband for comments about my weight

[gublercullen]

I don't post on here very often but this is one thing I can't exactly go to friends about.
OH and I got married in October, we've been together for 11 years and have two kids. Generally very happy, don't tend to argue and he's supportive of me for the most part.
Last night he caught me off guard by sitting down to talk to me about recent weight gain. For the record, I have gained weight. I was diagnosed as bipolar type 2 a couple months ago and was put on Lithium which is still slowly being increased.
I've been severely depressed for months, have stayed in bed a lot and I am admittedly a binge eater when my mood is low. I'm also chronically ill, I have a neurological condition that developed after I had meningitis a couple years ago. It's permanent and debilitating. The drugs I'm on for my neuro issues have also caused weight gain and leave me exhausted most of the time.
He knows all of this and has been really supportive, he's been with me through it all.

Last night however , he told me that he's concerned that the lithium has caused the weight gain and that he's worried that in 5 years time I'll be even more overweight.
I felt like asking what he meant by that. If I gain more weight is he going to leave me? Is he giving me an ultimatum? I was sort of at a loss.
Due to my mental health problems he's guilty of telling me I'm being overdramatic or jumping to conclusion, but this really did seem so out of the blue and my feelings were really hurt. I obviously didn't eat last night because I could bear for him to see me eating, the same goes for today.

I'd like to try and talk to him about it, but first I need to know if I'm being unreasonable or overreacting.
Sorry for the long post, I could doubled the word count but thought better of it!

I obviously didn't eat last night because I could bear for him to see me eating, the same goes for today.

You can't stop eating; but if you are aware that the drugs you are taking will cause weight gain, this is something you can tackle together. It sounds as though he has been supportive in the past but understandably has concerns about how the lithium might affect you. You have concluded that this means he might leave you, but, if I read your post right, that is not what he has said and there is no real reason to imagine that this is what he is thinking. He is expressing a concern for your well-being, which is reasonable under the circumstances.

Maybe ask your GP for a referral to a dietician who will understand about the medication problem and might be able to help and support you. You and your OH can be on the same page and tackling this problem together. I am quite sure he does not want you to stop eating and you must not conclude that he will not want to see you eating. What he wants is for you to be well and to find the right way of achieving this.

He's trying to support you, not undermine you. His comments are coming from a place of love, no matter how clumsy they seem. He's worried about you.

Lean on him, let him help you as he wants to. Talk to a dietician. Don't stop eating to punish him for his concerns.

Sounds to me that he is coming from a place of concern for your wellbeing and it's understandable that your first instinct is to get defensive, but it that productive of helpful? Why don't you let him help you through this? Maybe figure out if the lithium is to blame, maybe get some therapy for the disordered eating.

I know if I were in his shoes I couldn't sit there and do/say nothing about it, especially if it's been going on for a while.

I can certainly understand you being upset, I do think if he is supportive usually that it would be good to talk about what he meant with his comment. From reading your post my thought would be he's thinking that if you've put on a lot of weight in a few months due to a new medication, how bad things would be in 5yrs, if it carried on at the same pace. I mean that in relation to your health - sadly there are a lot of people with long term mental health issues who have significant physical health issues that are directly related to long term medication.

The fact that he's talking about the meds rather than encouraging you to exercise/diet suggests to me he recognises that the side effects are genuine and not something you can likely overcome with willpower. I know it's not really comparable, I was prescribed mirtazapine in the past and the increased appetite was phenomenal.

Sounds as though he was trying to be constructive and supportive rather than critical