To have had a lovely Christmas

[ThesecondLEM]

I did, my eldest DD came for the day, dp was called out but didn't effect the day too much.

I was chilled and have enjoyed it - back to work tomorrow.

I feel bad though. Mum's not here and whilst I miss her so very much I know she's in a better place. She died last year and realistically it was a release for her. Her life had become intolerable over the last two years. Last year was awful, she ended up in a care home which was far from our choice but the only place that would take her due to her difficult nature (partly to do with her illness but still), I couldn't see her due to covid and she died the week before I could have gone in with a LFT

So that's where the guilt comes in, I didn't have to worry about mum not taking care of herself but refusing help, didn't have to worry about her taking her meds properly or ranting at me about all the wrongs done to her by her sister (imagined) and the Dr's. Although the care she received from her GP and Social services was woeful. I was in a constant battle with someone to get her the support she desperately needed yet refused. There were mental health issues as well that no one would listen to me about.

This was the first year really without mum and I had a lovely Xmas. I would give anything for her to have been here insisting we bought an ostrich sized turkey but the reality would have been more worry and conflict.

I don't know what I want from this, I posted lots about mum as she was challenging to say the least. She loved me.

I am glad you had a good Christmas but understand the inner conflict.

My DM died after many years ill with terminal cancer and it was a relief when she died because everyone, including my mum, was totally exhausted.

Thank you for responding. I am sorry that you have experienced similar.

I am taking comfort that I know mum would want me to be happy

I am sorry about your mum and your reaction sounds very normal. I also feel a bit conflicted. I haven't seen my mum for 2 years due to Covid (we live abroad) and I really miss her. We were going to go at Christmas but had to change our plans. We'd also booked to go away for a few days in the new year. As it turns out ds has covid so we're all stuck in the flat and can't go anywhere. But, on the other hand, it's nice not to do anything for a while!

Lem, I remember all your horror stories with your mum. She was a difficult woman but you loved each other. I know you've struggled a lot with her loss but I'm glad you've had a lovely Christmas 🥂 to a much happier new year.