Christmas presents for family

[WinterNeverChristmas]

Do you get presents for your parents or PIL at Christmas?

We had my parents here so all exchanged gifts. It is our first year at home doing it our way so the plan going forward is that anyone here for Christmas will (with extended family on my side getting gifts for kids but not parents). MIL has already been invited next year.

DH’s side decided to again do a secret Santa for adults (which MIL wanted to be a minimal amount of money spent) and gifts for kids.

I asked DH a few times if he wanted to get anything for her, he said no. We spoke to her on Christmas Day and pretty much the first thing she was on about (to me not him) was the expensive gift DSIL got her.

For context a) she got DH nothing this year - nor me but I matter much less as I am not her relative b) we obviously don’t know if she got anything for DS but MIL always gives them gives them gifts and takes them out when she visits them but doesn’t us on the context that we don’t ‘need’ her to but we don’t (nor do they - they are a professional couple) tho it might be polite and what she expects if we are with her so it would make sense that she did.

Anyway, he tried to video call her earlier (about 3 hours ago) and she rejected his call. She hasn’t called back so she’s obviously got a strop on. Well maybe not but one has to wonder.

So do you get parents gifts and would they do this if you didn’t in this circumstance?

Yes. Parents & PIL get a gift. Other adults in the family do not, just DN’s.

Are you saying your DM /DF won’t be getting a gift next year then? Do they know?

No my DM & (divorced) DF wouldn’t behave like that though, my thoughtless DBro rarely bothers and they are quite accepting.

She will get the whole hog next year, just like mine did this year. As I said, anyone under the roof for Christmas will get a visit from Santa as well as gifts under the tree.

Sorry reading it back I hadn’t made that utterly clear in the OP but I am now

I think the concept of only getting a gift if you're spending Christmas under the same roof is slightly confusing.

My DH's side of the family, we buy for all nieces and nephews and do a Secret Santa for the adults (well it's not a secret, you just draw one name out of the hat). I'm included in that, as are all partners.

My side of the family, we buy for my sister, her partner and my mum and dad and my mum and dad and my sister and partner buy each of me and my DH a gift. They also buy for my two kids (only grandkids on my side, whereas there's 7 on the other side).

Just for clarification - the two sides do it differently. His side have only done secret Santa for adults for a few years now but he has usually got something from her before, but not this year.

On my side we do get for people under the roof at the time and presents for kids. I have various reasons why I wanted to create Santa magic this year but would never want to be different with DH’s side so will carry that on now.

So mil chooses to spend as little as possible but expects gifts back?
Mm think not Mrs Scrooge
.

Only my mum still alive, but yes, I have got her presents every year, whether or not we were together. And did the same for my father while he was alive.

Sorry OP I think it's a bit of a weird way of doing it

Granted we don't have a big family to buy for but PIL, parents and my siblings and their. Children get presents

I suppose it’s just that if you are hosting people they are more likely to get you gifts (or at least my side is and they are only ones who have come to us so far) so you can’t just accept that and not do anything in return.

So verdict is in. DH called. She had to go. She had things to do.

@WinterNeverChristmas

So verdict is in. DH called. She had to go. She had things to do.

So sounds like she's feeling very hurt and upset. What is your DH going to do to improve things? Would he send flowers and an apology?

You've set up your post badly.

Your MIL is a being manipulative and a drama queen. How was your DH supposed to guess she wanted a present when she insisted you weren't doing them?
I'd say there is more at play here in terms of general treatment of your DH by your MIL....

Also if bil and sil are favored over you two I don't see why you should go to any great trouble next year.

My bil is favoured / subsidised to a genuinely quite shocking degree, business class flights are paid for, he never pays for q meal out, new iPhone paid for etc...
Conversely my DH is expected to pay for fine dining theatre trips /outings / taxis and buy lavish gifts for my mil.
It's fucking weird and I don't get it.

Don’t fully understand the post OP, but strange arrangement to only be buying for people every other year when they come to yours.

What is this idea that adults don’t deserve gifts? We always do adult gifts and we spoil each other. We all work hard it’s nice to get gifts!

I also don’t understand the secret Santa on DH’s side. Was her gift from DiL her secret Santa? If not why are adults on that side buying additional presents for each other when they normally do a secret Santa (that she initiated). Why does DH normally buy her a present if they’re meant to be doing a secret Santa and pulling a name out of a hat? Sorry OP, it’s v confusing.

I find the gifts if staying at yours idea really weird. I'd either gift or not gift regardless of sleeping arrangements. We get my dad, mil, fil, my sis and niece gifts. With bil and sil we get a joint gift and they do same. It really depends on budget. I don't understand the secret Santa thing. Was dh supposed to get mil a gift? If not why is she upset?

@Persephoned no it wasn’t. I said that it sounded like a nice secret Santa gift but was given a tinkly laugh that it certainly wasn’t that. Much more expensive.

To all those asking, I would do gifts all round - adult/child on both sides as it would just make life simple. I don’t look to interfere with their side tho.

Maybe getting gifts for people under the roof is a little odd but DC are of an age that they wouldn’t understand why Santa visited us and not guests so it’s just easier to do the full gambit here anyway.

So yes we do the full present for adult/children on my side anyway.

DH's side all do gifts for each other. I would prefer not to be a recipient but I have made my peace with it. On my side we do charity presents only. The RNLI got £120 from us this year split between my parents and my brother & SIL. Brother and SIL also do presents to each other, the rest of the adults don't.