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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go back to work after mat leave?

18 replies

Ohbedhowimissyou · 28/12/2021 16:16

Disclaimer: I absolutely have to due to mortgage, bills, life etc.

I have just had a year away from work on mat leave. I return next week. I am absolutely dreading it.

I have always worked and never had time away from it until now.

I have loved the last year, both spending it with my baby and the freedom I have had not being managed. I honestly have never been so happy and now I feel sick and nervous about it coming to an end.

Did anyone else feel like this? Is this normal? Or does it say more about me not enjoying my career/chosen profession? Up until this year I never really thought I disliked it and I work with really lovely people so it's not even as if I have the fear of walking back into an uncomfortable environment.

I just really do not want to go back.

OP posts:

moita · 28/12/2021 16:18

I think the thought of it is worse than than reality.

Have you got good childcare sorted out? Would part time be a possibility?

thingymaboob · 28/12/2021 16:23

Totally normal to feel this way. It takes ages to adjust, it took me about 6 months to get back into it. Are you going back full time or part time? I went back part time and it was amazing as still had two days a week where I was "free" and spend time with DD.

I went back to a nice team but the person who covered my maternity leave was still working there and she and I had a major personality clash.

After a year I was ready to go back but was very nervous and I don't think the covid situation helps. I was mainly concerned about the logistics of childcare.

Good luck, be honest with your manager and team with how you're feeling.

Iwonder08 · 28/12/2021 16:32

Completely normal and very common. It gets a bit better

Xmassprout · 28/12/2021 16:34

Totally normal! The thought of going back is always so much worse than being back.

After my first baby I was still miserable months after going back, so I changed my career and was happy to go into work

WakeUpLockie · 28/12/2021 16:35

YANBU! Of course it’s nicer to not have to work, be managed etc. Sorry OP :( but hopefully the thought it worse than the reality and it will be fulfilling and a good balance.

babouchette · 28/12/2021 17:01

I felt like this too. It turned out to be nicer than I was expecting going back. I enjoyed hearing the work goss, seeing people again and having a bit of time to myself during the working day. Don't worry OP, it will be better than you think!

mynameiscalypso · 28/12/2021 17:04

Totally normal in my experience. That said, going back did make me evaluate what was most important to me and I did leave my job after about 9 months for a new job which is more flexible and gets me fired up. I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to jump ship (had been at previous job for 15 years) without the post-maternity push.

Bellafrenum · 28/12/2021 17:09

I think most people would rather not work, it's just part of life. Don't over think it- when you are back you will realise its fine.

SantaClawsServiette · 28/12/2021 17:13

No, your feelings are really common, it's why a fair number of women don't go back if they can manage it.

PamelaDoov · 28/12/2021 19:34

I felt exactly the same, I went back and it wasn’t as awful as I imagined.
I am pregnant again so will be going back on mat leave in about 5 months.
Think I’m just gonna keep getting pregnant so I can have regular breaks

Iheartbaby · 28/12/2021 19:51

I hated it, I was able to go part time at least but I hated every minute of it, my child is older now and I work school hours so it’s much better

Maray1967 · 28/12/2021 19:53

Yes, completely understand. I was so upset about having to go back (when DS1 was 8 months, this was 20 years ago) but I got on with it and it was fine apart from the almost constant nursery illnesses the first few months. Went to 3 days after a few months which was better.
After DS2 I couldn’t wait to go back …

Cofifeefee · 28/12/2021 19:55

Totally normal to feel like that and when I returned to work after mat leave, I couldn't believe how my attitude had changed. Up to then, my whole day revolved around work; after mat leave, it was just a place I went to in between being with dc. It balanced out after a few months and now it's totally normal although good, trustworthy childcare is a must.

Kitkat151 · 28/12/2021 20:03

The thought of it is worse than the reality....I found that with all 3 of mine .....before you know it your new normal will be working and childcare drop offs and pick ups.....the anxiety and sick feeling about going back won’t last

Waftypants · 28/12/2021 20:13

Yes I felt like this. I dreaded returning, I would be done anything not t9 go back. But actually it was fine, got some adult time, got to use my brain again and got to earn my own money. You'll be fine.

SonicStars · 28/12/2021 20:15

I hated it. Same as you. Perfectly happy in my job before but afterwards just wanted to stay home and play with my baby. I got pregnant again pretty quickly ;-)

Thehobbit2013 · 28/12/2021 20:24

I dreaded going back after my first mat leave. Cried the whole day the day before my return. It took me a week to get back into the swing of things

Original poster

Ohbedhowimissyou · 29/12/2021 10:20

Ah thanks all, you are all probably right and once I'm back in the swing of it, it will be ok. I'm probably over thinking it.

I'm happy with the childcare arrangements (albeit I would prefer it to be me!), so it definitely feels like it is about the job. But if it doesn't feel right, I can always look at changing jobs or even careers further down the line.

OP posts:

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