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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate FaceTime?

61 replies

StillNo · 28/12/2021 15:55

And refuse to do it?
I hate it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable just staring into a persons face whilst they stare at you and you chat. Or that feeling like you have to perform and be so bright and smiley and neat and tidy for your mother with an entourage of family members.
Or that feeling when you know you have a scheduled FaceTime with family members and can’t think what you’ll say whilst you stare at them.
Or knowing you’ll have to shove the phone in the children’s faces so that they can also perform for uncle-sister-cousin or whoever.
Or when someone else is on FaceTime in your home and you’re skulking about trying not to get into shot.

Urgh. I know I’m going to be called unreasonable because I probably am. But please tell me I am not the only FaceTime misery?!?

OP posts:
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 28/12/2021 19:12

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

YANBU just fucking text me. I'm autistic, I really like the time I get in texts to process what they've said and formulate a reply. Face timing is even worse than phonecalls.
I am not autistic but couldn't agree with you any more if l tried xx
Iamkmackered1979 · 28/12/2021 19:18

There is a decline button if you don’t want to do it? And if you don’t then don’t and others can go to their rooms if they want to.

I FaceTime my mum who is 350 miles away, she can see the kids and we chat it’s not awkward at all. If it’s not convenient I will call her back. I’ve not seen her properly since before jan 2019. They don’t bother me at all, but if they did I’d say sorry I don’t like ft call or text me…..or visit if you want to see me.

codexa · 28/12/2021 19:20

@Doingtheboxerbeat

I think it's rude to face time ring someone without prior warning.
Agree 100%.

I refuse to answer if I haven't been warned beforehand. I just don't like FaceTime full stop, but if I have a bit of a warning it's ok.

I have told those who do it to give me a heads up, and they do. I am surrounded with well meaning family and friends, lucky me.

Holly60 · 28/12/2021 19:25

OP you are totally reasonable to not want to face time yourself. But because your DC don’t have tablets, does this mean family members can’t FaceTime them? I have DGC and keeping in touch with them via FaceTime over lockdown was so so lovely. I know it wasn’t always easy for my DD/DSIL and my DS/DDIL to facilitate so I appreciate that they did it all the more.

speakout · 28/12/2021 19:27

Can be a life saver.
My DD is an intensive care nurse and facetiming me after a gruelling 13 hour night shift is the first thing she does at 8am.
Just to communicate and have a bit of love. She may have a resposnsible and grown up job, but she justs wants to see her Mum- even if it is she is walking to her car, exhausted, tired, emotionally drained. I know that little conversation means a lot to her- just to touch base with someone who understands and cares.

SpeedRunParent · 28/12/2021 21:00

Just read your opening comment and I could have written it myself. I loathe video calls for the same reason.

Waftypants · 28/12/2021 21:15

I have a friend who insists on video calls when phone calls would suffice. He's very needy and lonely though so I tolerate the video. I used to myself presentable but now I don't bother. I usually schedule the call when I'm cooking so at least I don't have to look interested. I know I sound like a complete bitch but I resent the intrusion and it makes me grumpy. Just use the fucking phone!

N4ish · 28/12/2021 21:16

Hate it, hate it, hate it. I’m fine with Zoom and Teams call so it’s not the video bit that’s a problem as such, think it’s just being called out of the blue and being expected to be immediately presentable and smiley.

byvirtue · 28/12/2021 21:25

Hate it too. Find it really uncomfortable holding a phone in front of my face for the duration of a call. Much prefer it shoved in a pocket and on loudspeaker/headphones so I can get on with other things and move around whilst I’m talking.

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 28/12/2021 21:32

I feel the same. It's only my PILs who enjoy these, mainly to see the children. I started going upstairs to shower during this time recently (they often call early when I haven't had the chance to make myself look presentable and I know MIL has many opinions about how women should look). The horrible tinny sound also gives me a headache and i don't actually speak my PILs language so it's not like we can talk to each other.

MIL now thinks I'm upset with her just because I don't "participate" enough. 🙄

Original poster
StillNo · 28/12/2021 22:27

But because your DC don’t have tablets, does this mean family members can’t FaceTime them?

Yes. But they are welcome to ring, visit, or write.

My DD is an intensive care nurse and facetiming me after a gruelling 13 hour night shift is the first thing she does at 8am.

It’s so interesting how different people are. I cannot think of many things I would like to do less than FaceTime ANYONE after a hard night shift, I think even hearing it ring would make me shake, and seeing FaceTime pop up would push me over the edge.

It’s great for those that love and rely on it, and I’m glad you have it. But I’m also feeling really relieved and validated to see that I’m not alone in how I feel about it!

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 28/12/2021 23:19

91% say YANBU as things stand. Excellent.

Video calls are shit and, just so we’re clear ahead of time, Zuckerberg can fuck right off with his Metaverse.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 28/12/2021 23:30

I love it I speak to my mum every day on FaceTime instead of a phone call she's seen her grandkids grow up over FaceTime due to living so far away

Icanflyhigh · 29/12/2021 00:06

I hate it with a passion.

SIL insists on it and I have now taken to leaving the room when she calls. Earlier this week she facetimed mis morning, we were having a lie in and I didn't even bother to hide that I wasn't up for a cheery facetime, literally snuggled further into the duvet turned over and left DH to it!!!

ALongHardWinter · 29/12/2021 00:12

Totally agree with you OP. I HATE it with a vengeance. I have no problem at all talking face to face in person with people,but there's something about seeing a person's face,and nothing else (plus your own mugshot in the corner!) that I find uncomfortable and off-putting. I have a friend that I meet for coffee regularly and occasionally he Facetime's his DD (he is divorced from her mother and only gets to see his DD a couple of times a month). I have no problem with this,but he inevitable tries to involve me,which I find excruciating with a 13 year old girl I don't know!

coodawoodashooda · 29/12/2021 00:16

@GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough

I love it I speak to my mum every day on FaceTime instead of a phone call she's seen her grandkids grow up over FaceTime due to living so far away
I'd totally be up for this but not just general people.
Holly60 · 29/12/2021 10:55

@StillNo

But because your DC don’t have tablets, does this mean family members can’t FaceTime them?

Yes. But they are welcome to ring, visit, or write.

My DD is an intensive care nurse and facetiming me after a gruelling 13 hour night shift is the first thing she does at 8am.

It’s so interesting how different people are. I cannot think of many things I would like to do less than FaceTime ANYONE after a hard night shift, I think even hearing it ring would make me shake, and seeing FaceTime pop up would push me over the edge.

It’s great for those that love and rely on it, and I’m glad you have it. But I’m also feeling really relieved and validated to see that I’m not alone in how I feel about it!

Erm, one of the alternatives to FaceTiming is to write?? I know you also offer visiting, but sometimes that’s quite hard.

when your DC are adults, and potentially live too far away to visit regularly, are you breezily going to say, ‘oh just write to me dear’?

That’s a bit of a shame…

BooksAndGin · 29/12/2021 10:56

Nope your not alone, I hate it, it's unnatural. Mind you I also hate phone calls. Grin

EishetChayil · 29/12/2021 10:57

I despise it, but I grit my teeth as it's the only way toddler DD can get to know her aunt in New York.

TooMuchCheeseToday · 29/12/2021 13:46

There's actually studies on "zoom fatigue" carried out during lockdown I think. It's unnatural because unlike meeting in person, there is less opportunity to look away and that causes the fatigue.

I have mixed feelings. It's certainly not the same as meeting up, I find that people who suggest it instead of meeting (assuming they can easily etc) astonishing. It also highlights my double chin which I spend much of the call distracts by Grin

We have family overseas and young children so it serves a purpose but we're planning a trip next year because it's completely different to talk face to face to than on FaceTime.

Yanbu OP.

Nc123 · 29/12/2021 14:10

I absolutely hate it but my mum adores it and insists on it. I don’t want to FaceTime people all the time!

Caveofthewinds · 29/12/2021 14:16

I fucking hate it. It should be banned.
I just reject the call and say that my phone camera is broken.

Original poster
StillNo · 29/12/2021 15:18

Erm, one of the alternatives to FaceTiming is to write?? I know you also offer visiting, but sometimes that’s quite hard.

when your DC are adults, and potentially live too far away to visit regularly, are you breezily going to say, ‘oh just write to me dear’?

Well you seem to have deliberately ignored the words immediately preceding ‘write’ - namely, that they can also ring and talk, or visit in person. Families did manage to interact with each other using these methods for many years before Tim Berners Lee was born. Arguably, better than they do now.

My DC love receiving a letter from their granny. And writing one back. It’s a great skill to have. As well as teaching writing skills, it also encourages the idea that gratification does not need to be instant in order to be enjoyed.

A rather alien concept in these times though. Sadly.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 29/12/2021 19:08

@StillNo

Erm, one of the alternatives to FaceTiming is to write?? I know you also offer visiting, but sometimes that’s quite hard.

when your DC are adults, and potentially live too far away to visit regularly, are you breezily going to say, ‘oh just write to me dear’?

Well you seem to have deliberately ignored the words immediately preceding ‘write’ - namely, that they can also ring and talk, or visit in person. Families did manage to interact with each other using these methods for many years before Tim Berners Lee was born. Arguably, better than they do now.

My DC love receiving a letter from their granny. And writing one back. It’s a great skill to have. As well as teaching writing skills, it also encourages the idea that gratification does not need to be instant in order to be enjoyed.

A rather alien concept in these times though. Sadly.

Sorry no I didn’t mean to ignore it. I did actually refer to visiting but said that’s sometimes hard. But you’ve also sort of ignored my question about when your DC are adults. What if they are too far away for you to visit regularly? Are you going to be happy just writing and receiving letters? Even if their other grandparents (just as an example) are building a relationship by seeing them face to face and interacting with them.

Yes I agree letter writing is a lovely skill but I wouldn’t necessarily write off new developments that can run alongside older ways of communicating.

What if your DC as adults don’t like letter writing or talking on the phone without being able to see the other person?

I stand by saying it’s a bit of a shame your DC are
/will be missing out on chatting to their GPS because of a personal dislike that you have.

Original poster
StillNo · 29/12/2021 19:15

But you’ve also sort of ignored my question about when your DC are adults. What if they are too far away for you to visit regularly? Are you going to be happy just writing and receiving letters?

Well no, of course not. I’ll also chat on the phone and visit them. Like their own granny (who lives in another country) does now. I won’t be FaceTiming that’s for sure. Unless my feelings on it drastically change which I can’t see happening tbh.

I stand by saying it’s a bit of a shame your DC are/will be missing out on chatting to their GPS

They’re not. They chat to them all the time.
On The Phone.
Without needing to stare into it and make it a whole-company activity.

OP posts: