to think my friend is lying?

[Funguinha]

We met last year due to our children's common condition and we've developed what I thought was a good friendship.
We've been there to support each other through hardship and I must say she's been great in terms of helping me, no complaints about that.
We live in different parts of the country, so we only see each other during the holidays when she comes to see her family, but we've been in touch all of the time.
Whenever she's come, I've done my best to go and see her knowing that it's more difficult for her to travel than it is for me. But lately I've got the feeling that, even if she says she really wants to see us, we are at the bottom of her priorities.
Last month she said she would be coming and we could see each other (me visiting her at her parents' place, about 80 miles from where I live). When I mentioned that I assumed she hadn't come as she hadn't said anything about being here, she said she hadn't managed because her baby had been taken to A&E, but had forgotten to mention. Not long after that, I realised she had indeed come. What hurts most is that she lied to me. I would've understood if she told me that she'd come, but hadn't managed to juggle everything so as to see us, iyswim.
Now, she's here again for the holidays and said she was really looking forward to seeing us.
Still a little hurt, I suggested a date to meet. The answer came in the shape of we're just back from A&E with the baby and we need to go back to the doctor's that precise day, so it will be difficult to meet.
I also know that she makes the most of her time here to see other friends, which is of course totally fine and understandable.
AIBU to think she's lying to me so as not to tell me she has more appealing things to do?
Honestly, I'd rather she just told me the truth. What would you do in this situation?

Tricky one. I would let your friend do the travelling and that will show your friends true colours.

Agree with @Piggyk2 drop the oars @Funguinha see if she starts rowing.

Thanks a lot for your reply @Piggyk2. I thought about that, but given the logistics, travelling with two toddlers, I know it's tricky for her to come.
In any case, I don't think I'll confront her.

Thanks @Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel, your message popped up just as I replied to @Piggyk2.
I still feel really hurt, but I'll leave the ball on her court.

Suggest you go to see her and see if she makes excuses as to why you can't - inconvenient, too busy, child ill etc. Then at least you'll know where you stand.

It sounds likeshe has a lot on with a poorly baby. I think it is perhaps a bit unrealistic to expect to meet up when things are difficult.

The problem is I really can't be sure whether the baby is poorly or is being used as an excuse 🥺🥺

Either way stop suggesting meeting up.
She could be using an excuse however it sounds like she is under lots of pressure, the distance is huge when travelling with a sick child.
You don't need to see each other to be good friends.

She might be using her kids illness as an excuse, she might not be. You'll never really know. You can either;

• send a message explaining what you think/how you feel. Quite direct but you'll likely get to the bottom of it quickly. You might also piss her off a bit.

• stop trying to meet up and let her do it. I think she probably wont make the effort though.

Does she maybe feel a little suffocated if, every time she goes to see family, she feels as though she has to carve out time to see you as well? She is probably exhausted with the travelling but does it as she wants/needs to visit family every so often. Anything else on top of that might feel like an obligation that she just doesn't have the energy for.

Thank you all very much for your opinions and your advice.
For the time being I won't suggest an alternative meeting date, I'll leave it up to her.
@Emerald5hamrock, I totally agree with you in that we don't need to see each other to be good friends. @Letsallscreamatthesistene, I won't confront her, because it's just a hunch and even if I was sure, I don't think I would confront her either. I hate confrontation.
@TyrannosaurusRegina, I totally get what you mean, but I can guarantee I'm the opposite of pushy. I'm always telling her that there's no need to meet, that I totally understand that she comes here to see her family and that she should prioritise spending time with them over anything else, but she's the one to insist that we should meet.
I'd much rather she were honest 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I have to travel a long way to see family. I'm usually back for a week. I have to cram in mum and dad, aunts, sister and brother, best oldest friends, as well as usually some admin. It is also my holiday so I actually want to relax. I have a shit tonne of friends nearby who I'd love to see but the reality is that I don't have the time to carve out even half a day for a friend. It's time away from the children's grandparents and family. Precious time. I'd say if you want to see her, go visit her, meet in the middle or weekend or invite her to stay at yours at a different time. That week is a family week.

Yes, lay low for a while and see if she contacts you.

It is entirely possible that the friendship has run it's course... Last year I became friends with somebody as our children were both in hospital with the same condition too. We were also very supportive. However, one year on, I no longer want my son to be defined by his issues and I have found that seeing her triggers all of the hospital trauma.
So it can be complicated. Try not to take it personally if she has moved on...

I see what you mean @Plumedenom. I guess that she doesn't want to say she can't find the time as it might come across as ungrateful, for lack of a better expression and saying the baby is unwell is much more understandable a reason for cancelling a visit.
@NicLondon1, I hadn't thought of it that way, but you may have a point. 🤔🤔
I'll fly low for the mo and see how things pan out.
Thanks a lot!!!