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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child meeting dad's new partner

24 replies

SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 13:46

I am wondering what people think.
My ex decided to introduce his new girlfriend to our 11 year old daughter on New Year's eve. The whole family (15+) people will be there plus the new girlfriend.
They never met before in person or even spoken on phone, this will be the first time.

I have my thoughts about it, but I would like to hear what others think because I am very new to this whole situation of separation, new partner etc ... (we found out about her/them on Christmas eve a year ago when my daughter walked in on her dad texting another woman)

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 28/12/2021 13:52

Sounds reasonable to me.
A family party and lots of people should make the go aspect more low key for your child, and the other family members will hopefully be pleased to see and want to spend time with your child so it won't be so intense and a 1-2-1 could be.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 28/12/2021 13:56

Yep sounds like a reasonable way to do it. They’ll be other people she knows there so it takes the pressure off everyone involved.

Bananarama21 · 28/12/2021 14:01

It was almost a year ago why are you so bothered 😕

SemperIdem · 28/12/2021 14:03

A year is a long time to wait to introduce a new partner, most people don’t wait that long so I think he’s been respectful of you and your feelings here.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/12/2021 14:03

Sounds like a very mature way to do this, at a party where her family are.

Crunchymum · 28/12/2021 14:03

we found out about her/them on Christmas eve a year ago when my daughter walked in on her dad texting another woman

Were you still together last year?

Crunchymum · 28/12/2021 14:04

So the GF is intact the OW? And your DD uncovered this?

Thesearmsofmine · 28/12/2021 14:05

I think it sounds like a good way to do, less pressure on your child when it’s a larger gathering with family around.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 28/12/2021 14:06

Is it because she was the other woman?

It sounds ideal tbh. She will be surrounded by family and it can be very low-key.

Bringithome · 28/12/2021 14:06

I dont think you have a right to an opinion. His choice.

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 14:06

@Crunchymum

So the GF is intact the OW? And your DD uncovered this?
Yes this is what I'm wondering?
Winniemarysarah · 28/12/2021 14:06

Given the length that they’ve been together I think this is something you just have to accept. What are your daughters thoughts on this?

Original poster
SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 14:08

I am not bothered about his new partner. Yes, I wish he ended our relationship first, then got in to a new one but its neither here or there...as u said its been a year ago. Marriages can end...and I always knew this.
I never wanted him anything but to be happy. If it is not with me I still want him to be happy.

I wanted to see what people think of her and her meeting like this for the very first time. I am a mother first and foremost and I want to help her the best way I can, because any time something hapoens she looks at me for guidance and support.
In order to gavw her that, I too need to think and see things clearly and my way of thinking is not alway the right way. Hence I asked for opinions.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 28/12/2021 14:11

Yes better to meet in a group situation for your DD and she will have other family members around her. A good way to do it I think.

SeasonFinale · 28/12/2021 14:11

Please don't make it in to "a thing" for your daughter beforehand!

Crunchymum · 28/12/2021 14:12

Depends on the arrangements. Will dD be staying with her dad and the new GF?

Is she close to her dad's family? Is there anyone who you trust to look out for her and keep an eye to make sure she isn't too overwhelmed?

How does your DD feel about it all?

girlmom21 · 28/12/2021 14:13

Are the other people his family rather than the girlfriends? If so, I think it's actually a good idea. If DD doesn't feel comfortable around the girlfriend it's easy to avoid her if she has other family there.

Original poster
SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 14:17

Yes and yes.

I need to clarify. I dont dissaprove of it at all. I too would want to do the same. I have no issue of her meeting her. I was just wondering if this will be the right way of doing so. (I thought it was because of everyone being there to support her)
Not because i have a say...i dont. Just because I am a mom and when she talks to me about it I want to be as big a help to her as one can be.

OP posts:
Original poster
SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 14:18

Believe me I dont. When she told me forat, I said, Its lovely. I am sure she is nice and you be friends.

OP posts:
notaclownfish · 28/12/2021 14:21

How would you prefer that they meet each other? As PP said, at a party with other people that she knows there will be less pressure, but what are your concerns about it?

RedCandyApple · 28/12/2021 14:22

I think it’s fine, she’s 11 not a small child

autummvibes · 28/12/2021 14:27

He sound very responsible. Firstly he's waited a whole year to introduce them then he's chosen to do it in a way where it's not intense as it's a group setting. It sounds great really.

Original poster
SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 14:29

Thank you all for your replies :)
I had no concerns or problems with them meeting. I see no bad about it at all as it is natural.

I should have clarified at the beginning that I am not some miserable divorcee looking for justification and backup before I go to war 😀
I see no wrong in them meeting.
We remained friends with her dad. We have a good parenting partnership.

But as said I am new to all of this and sometimes its nice to see how others see things or felt.
I rather she gains a friend in her than an enemy!

OP posts:
Original poster
SofiaMay · 28/12/2021 14:34

She lives in another country 1000miles away.
Him and her met a total of 5 times (a few days each time) in all the time they knew each other. She is spending new years eve with my ex and his family. 😀
Technically a year did go by thou 😀
She is moving over to him next year...so at least they have met once already by then.

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