Would you send her to nursery or get a nanny in this situation?

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My DD is nearly 2. We recently moved and I started her at nursery in November. She got very ill immediately. Think, a cold, then croup, then ear infection and then diarrhoea stomach bug.

It went on forever and I had to make a trip to a and e in the middle of the night because she wasn't breathing well. She had very high fevers for quite a few days. It was bad. Many sleepless nights.

I then caught her cold and was very ill too. I'm pregnant and I'm also vulnerable to covid as I have a pre existing condition- I also suffer from HG, which is controlled by medication, but I still feel sick a lot of the time and throw up sometimes too.

I am working full time from home. My husband is working abroad for a few months. ( I don't need this to be a thread discussing the merits of this, it's just how it is and it can't be changed right now ).

So I'm basically a single parent right now, in the sense that if she gets sick, only I can be up in the night and if she needs to stay home from nursery, only I can look after her. There is no support nearby at all and it's completely on me.

I really love the idea of nursery for her. I think she's bored at home and I think it's amazing for her development. However, she will get ill and it will be very difficult for me to cope on my own and also my job will suffer again. I have around 3 months left of work before I can take maternity leave. I work in a performance driven job. It's high pressure and brutal. People are leaving / getting fired for non performance a lot recently. My performance hasn't been great, so it's a worry.

It's hard to find a nanny, but it's likely that my daughter wouldn't be sick as much at all if we had this arrangement. I'm dreading sending her back to germ infested nursery as I hate to see her ill and also, it's all on me if she's ill and it's very very hard.

Nanny is the better option, right ?

Personally I'd not hesitate. Plenty of time for nursery in a year or so.

Trouble is with a nanny is that they get sick and then take days off so you still get disruption, the dynamic is weird of having her in the house when you're WFH, the child doesn't get any of the socialisation benefits of nursery and will still pick up everything going when they get to pre school or go to playgroups etc

@Frederica852

Trouble is with a nanny is that they get sick and then take days off so you still get disruption, the dynamic is weird of having her in the house when you're WFH, the child doesn't get any of the socialisation benefits of nursery and will still pick up everything going when they get to pre school or go to playgroups etc

I had a nanny since my daughter was 9 months old. And I've worked exclusively from home since then. So I'm used to it.

Socialisation and development are the reasons I wanted to send her to nursery. She needs it, definitely ! I wouldn't let her go to playgroups right now either. Just until things settle down a little bit. If I send her to playgroups, she may as well be at nursery.

I’d go with a nanny and make sure they take her to lots of groups/activities so she can socialise.

But surely the nanny would take her to playgroups?!

I'd stick with nursery if I'm honest. Finding a nanny will not solve her getting unwell as she will presumably still be attending groups and mixing with children.

Unfortunately this age is when they start catching everything as they are interacting with other children more and have poor hygiene, lets be honest we all know children are walking germ factories.

If she's settled at nursery despite the huge upheaval of moving house and starting in childcare I'd be very reluctant to disrupt this especially with a new sibling arriving imminently.

Thing is, she's getting sick because her immune system is learning how to deal with all these germs.
This is going to happen. It will happen if a nanny takes her to play groups, it will happen at nursery or you're just putting the problem off until school.

The first few months in a new setting are always the worst. She will now have picked up a lot of the bugs and her immune system will be picking up a bit.

Personally I'd keep her there and just ride this out. I get it though I was a management consultant and working full time while heavily pregnant with a constantly ill toddler wasn't fun. I even had to go into work while sick with hand foot and mouth because I couldn't afford the time off.

My employer did an emergency childcare scheme which was great in principle but wouldn't have worked with my son. Perhaps look to see if they can do that?

This is going to happen whenever you start group childcare. If you delay it, you're going to have two sickly kids as your baby will get everything your older child does. It depends if that's the better option for you.

Incidentally, husband working away doesn't mean you're a single parent.

You could try a nanny. But nannies get ill, they want holidays. They have family commitments. Can be late unreliable. But some prople are lucky and get a very good one. I think she is better off in a nursery.

Personally, I would be curious as to the what the Nursery Health and Safety policies and procedures are concerning illness.

As an ex Nursery Manager, settings can vary on this enormously.

Are they actively excluding unwell
children for the recommended exclusion period from public health/ do they sufficiently and adequately ensure good hand washing procedures/ how often do they clean the toys/ how often do the children get taken outside/is there adequate ventilation ( windows open) in the nursery room...

These are all food for thought and important questions. Whilst children are building up immunity at this age and will get unwell, the volume of illness can be reduced by all of the above.

Also, I wound ensure her hands were thoroughly washed myself when she came home after nursery and also would probably include a probiotic as well for immune support.

Good luck.

@BananaPant

Personally, I would be curious as to the what the Nursery Health and Safety policies and procedures are concerning illness.

As an ex Nursery Manager, settings can vary on this enormously.

Are they actively excluding unwell
children for the recommended exclusion period from public health/ do they sufficiently and adequately ensure good hand washing procedures/ how often do they clean the toys/ how often do the children get taken outside/is there adequate ventilation ( windows open) in the nursery room...

These are all food for thought and important questions. Whilst children are building up immunity at this age and will get unwell, the volume of illness can be reduced by all of the above.

Also, I wound ensure her hands were thoroughly washed myself when she came home after nursery and also would probably include a probiotic as well for immune support.

Good luck.

Thanks so much for this advice. I'll try to find out.

She only went for the settling in week and it made her so unwell, she couldn't go back again for three weeks. So I didn't bother sending her back, because Christmas was coming up anyway.

So she's not actually settled in yet properly.

Maybe we were just extremely unlucky that she got so sick so quickly.

Next time she may just pick up a little runny nose and that's it.

What are you planning to do with baby2? If you are planning to have a nanny with two children when you return to work the second time then you could try to find a nanny now that could see you through. I used a nursery when I just had one child but then got a nanny when I had the second. Was cost neutral with two needing full time care. And nanny being around also helped me with number two whilst I was on Mat leave (DH was working away and it was a huge help). My first child still went to nursery for a couple of days a week using the free hours as it was good for his socialisation and for nanny to have some 1:1 time with baby.

@Captainj1

What are you planning to do with baby2? If you are planning to have a nanny with two children when you return to work the second time then you could try to find a nanny now that could see you through. I used a nursery when I just had one child but then got a nanny when I had the second. Was cost neutral with two needing full time care. And nanny being around also helped me with number two whilst I was on Mat leave (DH was working away and it was a huge help). My first child still went to nursery for a couple of days a week using the free hours as it was good for his socialisation and for nanny to have some 1:1 time with baby.

That sounds great ! I was thinking about the nanny just getting me through until my husband gets back, which is around the time the baby is born.

But that would also be problematic. So I could keep her on after even if she wanted to.

I really have no idea. Because I do hear what others are saying. It will happen one day that she'll get sick constantly when she starts. It's just trying to find the best time I guess.

But yeah for now, I wouldn't send her to playgroups either.

If you can afford it, a really good nanny is probably ideal. They can take her to groups now and then, when she’s ready for pre school, they’ll be there for the wrap around

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

If you can afford it, a really good nanny is probably ideal. They can take her to groups now and then, when she’s ready for pre school, they’ll be there for the wrap around

Haha it's not ideal at all. It's so so expensive. It would be much easier if I could send her to nursery. But I can swing it maybe if I cut down on other stuff.