Have you ever got into a disagreement with a man because of his sexist opinions

[Lolabray]

I was in the pub the other day and someone was discussing how female bar maids need to be ‘fit’ good looking and ‘tidy’ and be able to hold a conversation in order for the pub to work.

At this point I’m like woah I don’t agree with you there (I’m female) and said I was a feminist.

Basically I was trying to stick up for women/I don’t like sexism.

At which point said persons friend flew off the handle and started having a go at me about feminism and got quite nasty.

I ended up walking away. I do have an opinion however sometimes I don’t like the way men speak derogatory about women.

Am wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut but it kind of just came out, as I suppose it did on the other person.

I am not a conflict maker before anyone says anything.

Aibu here to open my mouth and tell them I didn’t like it.

Yes, all my life. And will continue to do so until my death. Any woman with a pulse and self-respect should do the same unless she feels unsafe doing so.

What you did in this situation was totally reasonable OP: if anything it was on the mild side. Anyone who seriously has a problem with you challenging someone for having antiquated views probably shares these views.

It's taken hundreds of years, hard slog and loss of life for women to achieve what freedoms we do have now in society. Why on earth would we not call out anyone who tried to turn back the clock? I'm almost surprised you have to ask tbh.

Yes my FIL. he is a PIG.

Ofcourse I challenge most bigotry.
The worst sexism sadly is from women. Oh why do get annoyed you are getting wolf whistled told you look pretty...a mum should be the main carer as that's what we are made for...why don't you take his name when you married that mean...all from women

What an absolute arsehole....

Aside from the feminism/sexist thing, I get really pissed off when people don't have the ability to listen to other people's opinions without getting offended and angry (him not you OP!!).

Fucking hell, we're all adults, surely people can agree to disagree...

(ps, I totally agree with what you said - he's an idiot )

@Hospedia

FIL told a sexist joke over lunch at the weekend. I told him "I don't get it" and let him explain it then made on that I still didn't get it while he tied himself in knots trying to explain it, eventually my 12yo piped in "that's sexist, granda". DH took over the challenging when he started with casual and not-so-casual racism because I'd decamped to another room by that point.

I remember when my brother and I were teenagers and DB jokingly said that housework was womens work. Our parents overheard and he found himself responsible for all of the housework for the next week.

I love your parents.

At work during Equality and Diversity training we were given a scenario where a man ‘patted’ a woman on the bottom and were asked if the woman played any part in encouraging him. One chap said yes and the HR woman nodded her bloody head in agreement ffs. I was gob snacked , said how disgusted I was and walked out. I left the company a few months later.

Well I’m glad it’s not just me, he did apologise in the end but took it too far

Quite often.

One I remember in particular was with a colleague who had gotten married abroad and his new wife was about to fly in from Pakistan. I asked what he had done to welcome her and found out he was relieves she was arriving soon as his place was filthy and needed cleaning. He was also happy to have someone to cook for him so he wouldn't have to go to his Mums everyday for food.

I was outraged on her behalf and tried to get him to agree to at the very least get the flat cleaned before she got here but he wasn't having any of it. :(

I have a constant battle with my brother and various other males who call me “good girl”. I’m nearly fucking 50. Brother just laughed & proceeded to buy DD the perfume “Good Girl” by Carolina Herrera and my son “Boss”.

I will bring it up. It makes me really fucking mad.

This is an interesting thread.

Yes a family friend who proudly stated that the men in his office all go our for a pub crawl around Christmas time, but absolutely no women were ever allowed as it's a 'blokes thing'.

There were apparently many women
In the office who they worked alongside all year round but they openly excluded them.

I got into a very heated discussion with him and eventually became aware he was purposely pushing my buttons and being actively mysoginistic to get a rise, I was laughed at and called a bra burning feminist etc.

All the while my own DH sat by his friend and refused to comment, I felt he let me and his own DD down and our marriage changed that night.

@Lolabray

I was in the pub the other day and someone was discussing how female bar maids need to be ‘fit’ good looking and ‘tidy’ and be able to hold a conversation in order for the pub to work.

At this point I’m like woah I don’t agree with you there (I’m female) and said I was a feminist.

Basically I was trying to stick up for women/I don’t like sexism.

At which point said persons friend flew off the handle and started having a go at me about feminism and got quite nasty.

I ended up walking away. I do have an opinion however sometimes I don’t like the way men speak derogatory about women.

Am wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut but it kind of just came out, as I suppose it did on the other person.

I am not a conflict maker before anyone says anything.

Aibu here to open my mouth and tell them I didn’t like it.

You didn't start an argument, you pointed out that he was a misogynistic arsehole and he proved your point.

You are not responsible for the attitudes or aggressive behaviours of misogynistic men

Well done for challenging him!

Yep. I work in a very male dominated environment. I'm divorced and we went to the pub one day after work, someone asked if I was picking DS up from school and I said no, my ex husband is. He said "but that's your job."

I was fuming and told him so. Luckily he works in a different department so I don't see him often.

I've go into a disagreement with almost every man I have ever known, because of their sexist shit. It's ingrained into men. They will never change.

Yep all the time. I argued we with my dad in my teens about his sexist builder behaviour. I argue with my partner about his deep ingrained opinions about women - which he had never had questioned until i came along. And I tell my sons how to behave and that their father can be a dick at times With his “women wear makeup to get a man” comments.

I do wonder if it is any better now in 2021 than it was in the 1980s when I was a teen.

I have to ignore it because they haven't changed since the 1960s and Id have self combusted by now. Everything is evolving and improving except them. Hopefully they will die out like the dinosaurs.

Yes. My dad. A million times. We don’t speak now and this is part of it.

One of the best things to come out of love Island is this conversation

@Hospedia

FIL told a sexist joke over lunch at the weekend. I told him "I don't get it" and let him explain it then made on that I still didn't get it while he tied himself in knots trying to explain it, eventually my 12yo piped in "that's sexist, granda". DH took over the challenging when he started with casual and not-so-casual racism because I'd decamped to another room by that point.

I remember when my brother and I were teenagers and DB jokingly said that housework was womens work. Our parents overheard and he found himself responsible for all of the housework for the next week.

Re-quoting this from @Hospedia as it's such a good technique for exposing any -ism in a non-confrontational way. I've found it particularly effective on FIL's racism. Just keep saying with a smile 'no sorry, I don't get it.' 'Nope, still not getting it' 'Oh wait, you think that's funny because she is a woman/black/gay/whatever - that's interesting.'

They only usually manage to repeat it twice before they hear themselves and realise they're being called on their shit.

Christmas Eve, 15 year old nephew was moaning about Dr Who now being “too woke”.
He told me that a woman had been playing the lead role. I was expecting him to complain about her actual acting or something. Instead he exclaimed;
“ Well, it’s not “NURSE WHO”, is it?”
I challenged him and he muttered a sarcastic,
“That’s me told!”

@ScoobyDoo80

Christmas Eve, 15 year old nephew was moaning about Dr Who now being “too woke”. He told me that a woman had been playing the lead role. I was expecting him to complain about her actual acting or something. Instead he exclaimed; “ Well, it’s not “NURSE WHO”, is it?” I challenged him and he muttered a sarcastic, “That’s me told!”

WOW. I don't even know where to start with that one.

@LittleRoundRobin
He’s a total charmer eh?

Woah. That’s, um, pretty shocking! Particularly at his age.

I have had arguments at work because I am female in a very stereotypically male role. I do love most of my bosses though who are all (male) feminists and one in particular had a stand up row with someone about womens roles in the workplace.

[quote ScoobyDoo80]@LittleRoundRobin
He’s a total charmer eh?[/quote]
I know right. Like women can't be doctors?

He he never been to, or seen, or heard of, female doctors???

Or even (and this is a SHOCKER!) - MALE nurses?

@LittleRoundRobin
That’s exactly what I said!
The roll of eyes told me that he sees me as “Woke Aunty”. It’s only my brother’s little part of our family that thinks like this, thank goodness. I have disagreements with my nephew every time I see him.

@LeroyJenkinssss
Phew! That’s great to hear!