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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas

4 replies

MLJT · 28/12/2021 01:27

Hi, Well just come back from seeing in-laws in Scotland. My whole family from London brought presents for everyone. My mother brought for my brother-in-law and my niece. Niece has never sent either me or my husband a birthday card (we do for her). She's about 26. I know a lot of people say the cut off is 18 but thought a small gift as a polite gesture as BIL and niece came round to MIL/FIL's home. Whilst we got a thank you - never received a christmas card or present from niece. BIL thanked us for my mother's present - yet came round again a day later - didn't even give us a £2 box of chocolates for my MIL. Bizarrely my niece was joking that her aunt wasn't coming round the house because she probably hasn't got presents for everyone, which is 'rude' (despite her not doing the same for us who drove over 9 hours to come to Scotland). Wasn't invited to her wedding, never been given a birthday card (we've not rowed or had a confrontation). I understand that we are clearly not close as there's a cultural/generational divide but I always feel like I should buy for them. I didn't say anything, but I was upset and embarrassed as I am unemployed yet still used my benefit money to buy presents and food - we brought a large black canvas bag full of cards and presents. Niece gave MIL and FIL presents beforehand (yet knew we were staying over)> Prior to this - both her and her mother came uninvited to stop at my mother's house in London for four days without BIL (I've only met SIL four times and never been round their house). My husband and I have decided that we are only going to give presents to parents and children under 18 as I am fed up with the ignorance and lack of thought (not asking for expensive present - but why are we treated like ?)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/12/2021 01:30

My head hurts reading that but yes, you've made a fair enough decision.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 28/12/2021 01:32
Confused
junebirthdaygirl · 28/12/2021 06:42

My dc are all around that age and while they absolutely love their aunts and uncles they don't send them Christmas or birthday cards or presents. They may send one for a 50th or 60th if there is a party happening. But they are always friendly and interested in their lives. When they call home they always ask for them and are eager for news about them. So l wouldn't judge this 26 year old by the absence of presents. Hopefully she was friendly to her uncle and l am sure he was delighted to catch up with her.
Our cut off for gifts is 21 or if still in college we keep it going..usually cash. But there is absolutely no way l am expecting anything from them once they start work. Its totally understood that this is a one way thing started when they were born and they can continue it with their own nieces/ nephews. I have 20 by the way!!
Don't bother with a present for her next time but do enjoy meeting up with her and don't do it out of a reaction. We give presents because we enjoy it not because we will get anything back.

Restart10 · 28/12/2021 06:55

More fool you for bending over backwards for people who treat you badly. They don't invite you to the wedding, pitch up uninvited to your dms house, never buy you presents yet you use benefit money to please these people. you need to have a word with yourself.

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