Teen girl (15) makes friends with boys online sneeks off to meet then!!

[Strugglingmumofteen]

So my teenage daughter it's basically addicted to her phone. She is on snap chat all the time. Makes friends with boys from near by towns. The pretending she's of shopping. Meets the random boy.

So firstly we have involved children's services and safeguarding at school. The police have talked to her about how vulnerable she is and how risky this behaviour is.

I don't allow the phone upstairs, (she previously sent underwear photos to boys) and I take her phone off her at 7pm.

She's had a good childhood, nothing crazy has ever happened. She just craves attention to a scary level.

Has anyone ever lived through this? I literally can't sleep at night n feel sick most days becomes of her behaviour.

I don't have a issue with her having a boyfriend. It's just the meeting strangers it could be anyone n anything could happen. I just feel like I'm on a knife edge waiting for something bad to happen to her.

My dad said I should just leave her to it because anything I try doesn't work n just makes her hate me.

Take her phone away

She's putting herself at great risk

Thanks , I have done this many times previously. It doesn't work. Particularly because her dad doesn't believe this is the thing to do. But it's my natural response. I would happily never give her a phone again. But she would move out to her dad's or runaway I think.

What's her father like? I would think if she is craving attention from boys it might be a good idea to start with him.

Yeh we separated when she was a baby. She's always seen him.. but I do think she wants his attention. He just basically says I'm doing everything wrong, she should live there and convinced her she doesn't like me. So then when she's behaving in this way. She just wants to stay with him because he just mates up with her. Let's her have the phone till.1am. Says she's sat next to him the whole time....

I would take her phone, tablet, computer, whatever, off her permanently. She is an absolute danger to herself. Her good judgment is non-existent.

At 15 she should know how to take care of herself enough, something bad could happen to her in her 20s while at uni meeting strangers. Sounds like the same risk as tinder aswell. Could you keep talking to her? About how to be safe, responsible drinking, sex, etc? Cus she's gonna do it at her dad's regardless it sounds like

@NekoShiro

At 15 she should know how to take care of herself enough, something bad could happen to her in her 20s while at uni meeting strangers. Sounds like the same risk as tinder aswell. Could you keep talking to her? About how to be safe, responsible drinking, sex, etc? Cus she's gonna do it at her dad's regardless it sounds like

Thanks, that's a fair point about it can happy anyt anypoint. I've kept talking to her about all this stuff. Honestly she just says "yah,yah I won't don't it... but does!.. my dads resopose it's similar to yours I think

God it is so hard when the other parent works against you.

Teens will sniff out a parenting gap at 100 paces and exploit it to the max.

I really feel for you, it must be incredibly worrying. Teens can do the stupidest things arghhh

Your girl will be a lot safer if her parents are on the same side. She's screaming out for boundaries, and attention from men.

I think I'd book myself to see a parenting expert or psychologist for some advice.

I guess that she will rebel against punishment so somehow the goal would be to come up with boundaries together so she gains a sense of control.

She will grow out of it. I was that girl at 15-16. No particular reason for it. I had a great childhood, amazing parents, nothing bad ever happened to me in my life. Yet, I became totally boy-crazy at that age and completely addicted to chat rooms. I started skipping school (even though I have always been a straight-A student), lying to my parents, even stealing from them to spend on Internet cafes (this was 20 years ago). They would switch off the Internet at home, hide money from me, monitor my every move to stop me, but I was managing to still sneak around behind their back. I became a total nightmare for my parents and there is nothing at all they had done to cause it. It was a phase that I just somehow grew out of by around 17. Somehow I managed to get my act together to still get top grades and get into a RG-uni and I just matured. By the time I turned 18 it was all completely behind me.

@XelaM

She will grow out of it. I was that girl at 15-16. No particular reason for it. I had a great childhood, amazing parents, nothing bad ever happened to me in my life. Yet, I became totally boy-crazy at that age and completely addicted to chat rooms. I started skipping school (even though I have always been a straight-A student), lying to my parents, even stealing from them to spend on Internet cafes (this was 20 years ago). They would switch off the Internet at home, hide money from me, monitor my every move to stop me, but I was managing to still sneak around behind their back. I became a total nightmare for my parents and there is nothing at all they had done to cause it. It was a phase that I just somehow grew out of by around 17. Somehow I managed to get my act together to still get top grades and get into a RG-uni and I just matured. By the time I turned 18 it was all completely behind me.

She may not survive it long enough to grow out of it. She's making herself incredibly vulnerable, it hardly bears thinking about.

I'd suggest you watch Kaleigh's love story together.

Don't sit there saying, "look what she's doing", just watch it and let her ask questions. It's a true story of a 15 year old who went to meet a boy she'd been chatting to online, it didn't go how she planned.

www.leics.police.uk/kayleighslovestory

I'd also talk to her about safer ways to meet up, eg with you being there, with a tracker on her phone. Her initial reaction will be, "no chance" but talk through why she thinks that, yes it's not cool for mum to be there but any boy worth knowing will understand.

What if she turned up to a meeting and someone much older says he's the boy's dad and he is picking her up? What would she do?

She's had a good childhood, nothing crazy has ever happened. She just craves attention to a scary level.

Well you need to start by being honest with yourself about the cause, because by your own admission the above comment is false and just a reassuring lie you tell yourself. Children suffer adverse effects from more than "crazy" events, and all behaviour is driven by something.

Writing everything off as "attention seeking" and pretending she has had no adverse experiences in life is unhelpful to all involved.

Pretty major adverse experience:

Yeh we separated when she was a baby. She's always seen him.. but I do think she wants his attention. He just basically says I'm doing everything wrong, she should live there and convinced her she doesn't like me. So then when she's behaving in this way. She just wants to stay with him because he just mates up with her.

Last I read professionals with expertise in the field of child sexual abuse advised against showing children films like the one linked here. Evidence is they cause harm.

The risk is more that online someone's identity will be as described but their motives will not, and online talk produces a false sense of closeness that can lead to being in a situation with few escape routes - rather than the rarer "fifty yo man pretending to be 15" myth coming true.

It is not the case that just because the online 15yo is truly 15yo that it is safe.

Does she "just want attention"? It's a normal human need to receive attention, so if that need is unmet of course she will seek it out. Or is she also searching for the sense of feeling cared for and loved by a male figure?

I think I'd book myself to see a parenting expert or psychologist for some advice.

I think this is the best advice. Not a random counsellor at the GP but someone appropriately qualified and experienced.

As for XelaM, it is pure dumb luck that story doesn't involved being raped or worse at 16, such that the ending instead involved a whole life spent dealing with the trauma.

Those women are less likely to be in a position to post up their story for public consumption.