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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

22 replies

kathleen567 · 27/12/2021 23:36

I’m working 13 hrs tomorrow, finish work at 9pm and my partner wants me to travel down to London with him from Birmingham straight after finishing to go and see his parents.

He was like you can have dinner in the car…. We’ve already travelled down to see his parents on Boxing Day but his argument is that he’s only seen his parents 6/7 times over the last 6 months. Am I being unreasonable not wanting to go?

All I want to do is relax after finishing….

He’s also asked me not to go to the gym this week because he said I’d come into contact with too many people there and he’s worried I’d pass covid onto them but I’m feeling like my mental/physical health is suffering not being able to get to the gym.

OP posts:
Starcaller · 27/12/2021 23:38

Can't he just go on his own? You only saw them yesterday! Seems weird to have travelled all the way back for one day Confused

Haggisfish3 · 27/12/2021 23:39

He goes and you can go to the gym and chill.

Mamamia7962 · 27/12/2021 23:39

No you're not being unreasonable, let him go on his own if he wants to see them.

Original poster
kathleen567 · 28/12/2021 00:02

Thanks everyone for the replies

I’ve said I don’t want to go - we’ve only just seen them yesterday but now getting the silent treatment. Feeling pretty awful about it Sad

OP posts:
Mudflaps · 28/12/2021 00:06

Ignore him and the silent treatment, if he's that anxious to see them won't it be an even bigger treat for them and him if they have quality time without you. He's being a prat, go to the gym if it'll help you, at least you won't be made feel guilty there.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2021 00:07

Why did you go and come back? Because of your shift? Why couldn't he stay? How long is he proposing going for this time?

Original poster
kathleen567 · 28/12/2021 00:11

So he had a shift today and I’ve got a shift tomorrow . He couldn’t get Thursday off work so we’d only be staying for half a day because he’s got to be at work by 1pm .

Feeling like it’s totally not worth the travel time!

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 28/12/2021 00:12

@kathleen567

Thanks everyone for the replies

I’ve said I don’t want to go - we’ve only just seen them yesterday but now getting the silent treatment. Feeling pretty awful about it Sad

Silent treatment is not good. Stick to your guns and let him visit his parents. If he cared about you he would realise it is unreasonable to expect you to do this. Why do some people think because they want to do something that everyone else wants to as well?
CriminalOrator · 28/12/2021 00:13

He sounds pretty awful in every respect.

Holothane · 28/12/2021 00:16

Here we go another man child sulking because your very tired after working all day, ffs I’d be saying don’t bother coming back.

Veryverycalmnow · 28/12/2021 00:17

His request is unreasonable and his response is pathetic. He's trying to guilt trip you. You do not need to be with him for every visit. Don't go! Relaxing after work makes more sense.

LawnFever · 28/12/2021 00:20

He can go on his own, I would’ve going anywhere if I was you.

His suggestion is ridiculous, especially since you only just saw them!

Is he usually so needy? Why can’t he go on his own?

Anordinarymum · 28/12/2021 00:23

It's when people behave like this that you should remember they will always behave like this and if you have children with them you will be stuck with it

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 28/12/2021 00:27

No there is no point you going. You quite reasonably said no. His reaction to your no is not good at all.

But luckily he is a partner not husband so you can decide whether he often ignores your boundaries.

wtfisthatspiderdoing · 28/12/2021 00:34

When you've said that you don't want to go, have you told him that he should still go? Or is he taking it as neither of you going? I understand he wants to see his parents, but he should just go alone, especially as you saw them less than a week ago.

MissMaple82 · 28/12/2021 00:34

God what a pathetic man, tell him to go on his own if he's that desperate

Justilou1 · 28/12/2021 00:36

Did he work 13hrs? How long is the train trip? How much does that cost? Is he planning on paying for that? What if you fall asleep straight away?

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2021 02:01

6/7 times over the last 6 months once a month when one lives in London and one in the Midlands is plenty. If he wants to see them weekly, he should move closer. Alone.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 28/12/2021 02:15

but his argument is that he’s only seen his parents 6/7 times over the last 6 months

But that's an average of at least once a month. That's plenty, especially living in different cities. Also, you were there yesterday!

BinChicken3 · 28/12/2021 02:18

Why do you have to go with him? Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip. My partner went away on Boxing Day to visit his mum who is a 5 hour drive away, he’ll be back tomorrow and I didn’t go, happy to have down time alone. Neither of us is sulking as that’s not how normal adults in healthy relationships behave.

Chloemol · 28/12/2021 03:04

Tell him to go on his own. You go to the gym

PrincessNutella · 28/12/2021 06:59

The less he speaks, the better.

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