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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws staying a week AIBU

17 replies

Fentiger2392 · 27/12/2021 23:28

First time poster, long time lurker.
I've had the most miserable Christmas. My inlaws arrived last Tuesday and go home tomorrow. They live the other end of the county so a short stay for a night isn't possible. I feel exhausted. I havent seen any Christmas TV, not been able to relax in the house and MIL forces and expects her Christmas traditions to be the norm which are very different to what I like doing. Its more the time they are here tbh. 7 days I feel is too long. They could have come on 23rd and gone back boxing day or today. More of a vent then asking if im AIBU to be honest. Thoughts?

OP posts:
samwitwicky · 27/12/2021 23:29

Why did they stay so long? How does your DH feel about it? Have you told them they are only welcome to stay X number of nights?

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 27/12/2021 23:31

What a shame they could not mix it up between hotel or something and some nights with you.. What traditions are forced upon you?
Sounds hideous op.

girlmom21 · 27/12/2021 23:33

YANBU. Tell DP it's 3 nights max next year and they can fit in to your traditions

Thinking2041 · 27/12/2021 23:33

It’s understandable. It’s hard if you feel you have to constantly be ‘on’, and you can’t just switch off and watch tv, be yourself etc.
It helps if you have a large house and can escape but thats a luxury.
I think, given it’s your home, you could do more of your traditions. I found the only way to escape long visits is to try and make plans. For next year is there anyone on your side of the family you can spend Boxing Day with? In-laws are then so very welcome from the 22nd/23rd to 26th early doors.

Peakypolly · 27/12/2021 23:37

What traditions did they force on you - and how? Can't you dictate timings, trips out etc. when it's your house? I just tell visiting family what is happening and tell them they are at liberty to join in or not.
I agree a week is too long.

bobbleb · 27/12/2021 23:37

Mark Twain said fish and visitors both go off after three days. I think short and sweet is the way to go...

Genzymoo · 27/12/2021 23:38

7 days is seems long unless you live in a house where they have a separate living area that they can spend some time in.

How did it come to be that long? Did you/your partner invite for that length, did they invite/extend the stay themselves? Has it been a while since they last stayed?

Did you stick to their traditions? I tried to please everyone and incorporate everyone's traditions the first year I hosted but have since given up on that; if people don't like it, they're free to host in the future!

toomuchlaundry · 27/12/2021 23:39

Why couldn't you just turn the TV on? If they were there for just a few hours I can understand to having the TV on, but when staying for days you sort of muck in with general routine

Original poster
Fentiger2392 · 27/12/2021 23:41

I was thinking 3 nights max as well tbh. MIL is the biggest issue. She doesn't get up until 11am so trying to arrange things to do is a nightmare. I prefer a Christmas lunch for example so we can relax the rest of the day with a buffet in the evening where as MIL like an evening meal and by the time its ready the kids are going crazy as they are hungry. MIL has been retired a few years and I think she has lost track of reality is like. I used to to get on well with MIL but this week has been super trying. OH also feels the visit has been too long but is worried about offending them I think. Next year I'm putting my foot down and have already said I want a quiet Christmas without them staying any longer than 3 days..OH agrees. Just feel I havent had a Christmas really

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 27/12/2021 23:43

Its your home @Fentiger2392 and you need to learn to be the master of it. If you let people walk all over you then they will. Next year be tougher.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2021 23:44

I prefer a Christmas lunch for example so we can relax the rest of the day with a buffet in the evening where as MIL like an evening meal and by the time its ready the kids are going crazy as they are hungry.

It's your house and your family, therefore you should do things your way and if anyone else doesn't like it, they can choose to eat at home/somewhere else.

Glad to see you'll be putting your foot down next year. MN is full (as usual) of exhausted women, running around after everyone else and putting themselves last.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/12/2021 23:47

Poor you. 11am is not ok - just about can cope with that for one day maybe two.

user1471604848 · 27/12/2021 23:50

Could you take yourself off to your bedroom in the evening and watch Netflix on an iPad? With a large glass of wine?

Larryyourwaiter · 27/12/2021 23:51

3 days is the limit unless you are out a lot (which you aren’t). It’s hard as it spoils a good rest. At least one day should be sitting around watching TV with snacks in peace.

murasaki · 27/12/2021 23:52

We had a 4 1/2 hour drive each way to the inlaws, went up on Xmas eve, left boxing day. The cats being left alone are a great excuse... 7 days would have killed me. And 7 days of them here and I would have killed them. I like them, in small doses. To be fair, I feel the same about my own parents, so we never stay there any longer than that either. Was so glad to get home...

starfishofbethlehem · 28/12/2021 00:05

Buy them two (or three nights) at a premier Inn or similar for next years Christmas present. Then they will get the hint!!

marieantoinehairnet · 28/12/2021 00:22

Yanbu- I am living your pain right now, it's draining and not fun, sympathies

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