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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to do it anyway?

37 replies

JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:09

Brief backstory:

3 DC, live in a 2 bed house. 3rd DC is 1. Were due to sell and buy bigger somewhere else before pandemic but the scuppered that plan so it's been put off for a little bit.

I sleep in the master bedroom with baby and DH sleeps downstairs. He actually has always done this as he is a night owl. Doesn't bother me I prefer sleeping alone and go to bed much earlier than him.

Anyway... I want to turn "our" (which is really just my) bedroom into DS's room. He is getting more and more stuff which won't stop as he gets older and it just seems pointless having most of the room taken up by a huge double (king size) bed that only I sleep in anyway. I would be more than happy on a small single or even pull out bed which would leave so much more space for it to be DS's room. I would like to then decorate it too for him so it looks more like a child's room. Not in any great rush but it's something I'd like to do eventually next year.

Don't want to make the thread too long by going into everything space wise but our clothes are kept elsewhere so it really is just the bed and a few little bits that are ours in the bedroom.

DH keeps moaning about this plan saying DS doesn't "need" a bedroom and that he doesn't want me to do it and it's not just my decision because it's his house too.

I appreciate it's his house but he literally never uses this room and has absolutely no intention of using it. It is "my" room for all intents and purposes so part of me just feels like doing it anyway. I am essentially just decorating my room and if I'd rather a single bed than a double why do I need his permission?

We have storage space in the attic where the bed I have now can go until we hopefully move somewhere bigger eventually.

I can't think of anything I care less about than having a dedicated bedroom with a huge bed to myself. I spend most of my time elsewhere in the house, I just need a bed to sleep in that's it. DS needs and will need space for toys ect... Much more space than I need.

OP posts:
PureeLy · 27/12/2021 23:17

I think if he genuinely is not going to use that bedroom again then it's up to you if you want a double bed or not. If he gets to decide to sleep downstairs then you get to decide your sleeping arrangements, he can't have it both ways surely?

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:22

He'll never sleep in here again, I'm sure of that. We've slept separately for ages and we both prefer it. We just have different routines. He likes to stay up and watch TV, tinker downstairs ect.. he's a bit of an insomniac whereas I go to bed earlier and need quiet (as much as you can get sharing with a baby anyway!) if it did ever come to that we'd have the double bed still anyway in the loft if really necessary although honestly pigs would sooner fly.

Yes he just decided that he was going to sleep downstairs (sofa bed) so not sure why I should now never be able to change beds without his permission. It's a huge bed that takes up so much room and it's unnecessary. I don't need or want it.

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/12/2021 23:23

Sorry if I’ve missed this but where will your single bed actually go? There would be two DC and you in the second bedroom?

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:25

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers

Sorry if I’ve missed this but where will your single bed actually go? There would be two DC and you in the second bedroom?
No there would be me and 3rd DC (who's 1) in the master bedroom as we are now. Nothing would change in regards to who shares the rooms. But there would be more space for DS's stuff because I'd get rid of the huge king-size bed in here now and replace it with a single for me.
OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:26

So currently there is DC1 & 2 sharing second bedroom and me and baby sharing master. That would remain the case.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/12/2021 23:28

When do you plan to put your house on the market because realistically you need to keep it as an adult room with a double bed in to sell as so many people can't visualise.

ANameChangeAgain · 27/12/2021 23:29

You can't share with a child long term, its lovely whilst they are little, but would be awful for them in a couple of years.
If dh sleeps on the sofa, where does he keep his stuff?
Can you not see you and your dh sharing once the youngest is put of your room? If I were you I would move all the boys into the main bedroom longterm and convert the loft properly.

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:30

@RandomMess

When do you plan to put your house on the market because realistically you need to keep it as an adult room with a double bed in to sell as so many people can't visualise.
It won't be for a few years yet at least now.

We could still do that when the time comes because I'd keep the bed. We could make it into an adults room again when we came to sell.

I don't plan to do anything drastic decorating wise just a bit more of an upbeat colour maybe and some wall decals at most!

OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:31

@ANameChangeAgain

You can't share with a child long term, its lovely whilst they are little, but would be awful for them in a couple of years. If dh sleeps on the sofa, where does he keep his stuff? Can you not see you and your dh sharing once the youngest is put of your room? If I were you I would move all the boys into the main bedroom longterm and convert the loft properly.
We can't really get all boys to share right now as the age gap is really big. They are 11,9 and 1.
OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:33

And no, we didn't share long before DC3 came along. As I say he likes to stay up.

We have a cupboard on the landing which is really long where all our clothes are hung up (again, been like that before DC3). Hard to explain but it runs about half the length of the house but slopes upwards too so can't be used for much but storage.

OP posts:
WhatToDo1988 · 27/12/2021 23:34

When/where do you have sex? You just sound like housemates tbh. I can't imagine having a single bed with DH sleeping downstairs and no option to join me for a cuddle/sex/sleep

missnevermind · 27/12/2021 23:35

Is their a size bed that is a small double or a larger single that would be a compromise. Technically it would sleep 2 but you know it would never have to.

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:35

@WhatToDo1988

When/where do you have sex? You just sound like housemates tbh. I can't imagine having a single bed with DH sleeping downstairs and no option to join me for a cuddle/sex/sleep
I could join him downstairs and do (double sofa bed). I appreciate it sounds like that but we do actually have a good sex life 🙂 we just don't share a room. And that was initially his choice not mine.
OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:36

@missnevermind

Is their a size bed that is a small double or a larger single that would be a compromise. Technically it would sleep 2 but you know it would never have to.
He can't actually tell me what his problem is with it though. If it were that he wanted to be able to sleep in here I'd get it, but he doesn't.
OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:38

As I say he does really struggle with sleep so he prefers to be able to do things i.e watch TV, listen to music, tinker about. He doesn't want to sleep up here and I understand that from knowing him. It's nothing to do with us being housemates, that's just what helps him. He'd go crazy lay in a bed upstairs just trying to go to sleep all night.

OP posts:
missnevermind · 27/12/2021 23:39

My boys were 12 10 and 2 when I put them all in together. We had 2 bunkbeds in the room and both the older boys slept on the tops the 2 year old slept on the bottom of 1and the bottom of the other was just a dumping ground for soft toys and allsorts

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:40

@missnevermind

My boys were 12 10 and 2 when I put them all in together. We had 2 bunkbeds in the room and both the older boys slept on the tops the 2 year old slept on the bottom of 1and the bottom of the other was just a dumping ground for soft toys and allsorts
We did consider it but I just don't know how it would work. 11&9 year old like to stay up past 1 year olds bed time playing Xbox and things like that. Especially on weekend. I don't think it would be fair on them personally.
OP posts:
mdinbc · 27/12/2021 23:42

I was wondering as well.

Also wondering about middle child. You keep saying DS1 has a lot of stuff. What about middle? Would the 2 elder children share the bigger room? That does make sense if they have lots of toys, etc.

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:44

@mdinbc

I was wondering as well.

Also wondering about middle child. You keep saying DS1 has a lot of stuff. What about middle? Would the 2 elder children share the bigger room? That does make sense if they have lots of toys, etc.

Sorry not sure what you mean?

DC3 (who is 1) has a lot of toys which are quite big and he's only going to get more as he gets older.

Elder DC so middle (9) and eldest (10) don't have half as much big toys due to their age. They have a TV, Xbox and computer in their room which are the only things they really use. I also didn't mention it in my OP as wasn't sure it was relevant but eldest 2 are my DSC so aren't here every day (50:50).

OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:45

Eldest 11* sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:47

I guess it's been heightened by Christmas (and also his birthday coming up) where he's just got so much more stuff and we have no where to put it because we are keeping up this pretence of having a master bedroom for us both when we don't use it. To me it makes more sense to utilise the space for DS and me just have a single bed which is all I need.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 27/12/2021 23:50

Getting rid of the room you share with your husband sounds like you are getting rid of him or at least your special relationship that exists exclusively between the both of you.

Original poster
JillTween · 27/12/2021 23:50

@Anordinarymum

Getting rid of the room you share with your husband sounds like you are getting rid of him or at least your special relationship that exists exclusively between the both of you.
Confused I don't share it with him. I haven't done for a long time.
OP posts:
BlueShirtGuy · 27/12/2021 23:53

Where does your dh think the baby should sleep in the longed term if not in the master bedroom?

ACCx · 27/12/2021 23:53

I don’t see anything wrong with having a single bed if your DH is not sleeping in it, however it might be a bit odd if you turn your bedroom into a Childrens room and you’re sleeping in it? Perhaps the single bed but no decorating and turning it into his bedroom until he’s older and has his own room when you move.

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