Mum disappointed that I’m not visiting tomorrow

[Nelly040]

For background, I’m really close to my Mum and normally get on really well. However, her and my Dad split up 15 years ago and since Xmas has always been a funny time. She spent Xmas eve - Boxing Day with us, and we (me, my DH and 2 year old) had we’d planned to go to hers tomorrow as she wants me to come ‘home’ every year. We’ve spent today with my DH’s family and my 2yr old has has many meltdowns and it’s been to much. So I rang my mum and said we wouldn’t come tomorrow as it’s too much for toddler, she said she was v disappointed and now I feel worried and like I’ve done the wrong thing! AIBU to not travel to my mums tomorrow?

No you are not being unreasonable. I've got GC and this Christmas I've not been able to see any of them yet. It's no one's fault. You need to prioritise your toddler.

So she saw you 24-25-26 knows your out visting today and wants another full day with you at hers tomorrow? More than fair to suggest toddler needs a quieter day at home with toys. Would you normally see your mum 4 days in a week? No harm leaving it for a few days. It’s still Christmas season!

If you’re that close she should understand… just call her again and explain that you would love to come but it’s so much struggle with toddler and it’s really a lot for him/her and that you would love to just stay in and relax. My mum (who I’m also super close with) would also be disappointed but she would totally understand. Any chance she could come to yours? Or you just tell her you will come another day (maybe once you have some rest)

She's allowed to be disappointed that you're not going, just as you're allowed to put your toddler's needs first. Enjoy your day at home tomorrow and perhaps go and see her over the New Year. She might want you to go 'home' every Christmas but maybe it's time to change that.

You're not unreasonable to not travel but it's understandable that she's disappointed too.
Had she made any plans or got any special food in? Or declined other plans because you were going? Is she lonely?

If she is willing to come to you then just have a mellow day at home.

Thank you for all the responses I feel much better! She lives 90 mins away so probs wouldn’t travel here again. My sister will be at home with her as she’s home for a few days and she hadn’t yet bought any food so least there’s that! We’ve made too many plans for over the Xmas break (which i think is the problem with our poor tired toddler) but will try and see her over the new year!