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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my DH not to nod off at inlaws?

49 replies

whatatool · 27/12/2021 16:41

Almost every time we visit he nods off sitting on the sofa, leaving me to make the small talk.
FFS!!!

OP posts:

daisyducky · 27/12/2021 20:26

My Bil went for a nap leaving my sister in law to entertain 9 members of his family! No reason for the nap at all. Just tired post lunch. It was 6 months ago and I still can't believe he did that.

daisyducky · 27/12/2021 20:27

Just to confirm when I say he went for a nap he went upstairs to bed! Plus they have a toddler for her to care for as well.

Clammyclam · 27/12/2021 20:28

It's a tricky one
I don't nod off but I always feel tired there
For me it's a combination of travel, a big lunch and just feeling comfortable and like someone else is 'in charge' by that I mean I don't have to wait on anyone and I can just relax
My FIL nods off here and I'm Not offended at all- he's clearly comfortable here and that's fine by me.

My MIL wouldn't be offended if I of my DH went and laid on the spare bed.
Similarly neither would I if my IL's did that.

It's harder when it's the early days but we've been together almost 20 years- there's no small talk had. We just chat.

Original poster

whatatool · 27/12/2021 21:16

It was only a lighthearted moan, but it's like ffs man, you manage to lead a normal life in a responsible job, surely you could stop yourself dropping off if you tried!

OP posts:

pastypirate · 27/12/2021 21:20

I may be slightly high jacking the thread but I've left my partner and sleeping in the day in company is one of the reasons.
Exp thinks nothing if settling down for a nap in the day when we have visitors.

Also if we wake him we are expected to wait around for him while he pretends to be all bleary and confused.

Ijustneedtosleep21 · 27/12/2021 22:21

I don't see anything wrong with this. I have done it at my parents house, although DH is more likely to do it at my parents house than his. My BIL falls asleep everywhere and snores so loud 🤣 even when we are at his sometimes we will look round and he's fast asleep with the kids climbing all over him. We all lead busy and tiring lives so unless him napping was causing me to struggle I wouldn't mind.

LynetteScavo · 27/12/2021 22:26

I also used to fall asleep at MILs - but very thing in the living room was navy blue, the lights were always dimmed and the gas fire on. With three over active DC finally watching TV (she used to put on footage of trains chugging through the countryside, I shit you not) I couldn't help but doze off.

I'm with your DH on this one.

BeyondMyWits · 27/12/2021 22:29

My Dh goes and picks his mum up to spend a day here most weekends. She spends half the day sleeping, he does the other half.

Even the bloody dog gets on on the snoring.

Still, at least it is here at home, so I can pootle about doing my own thing so not too bad

Hankunamatata · 27/12/2021 22:30

It used to be an ongoing joke at in-laws that as soon as i sat down I nodded off. In my defence 3 poor sleeping kids, open fire full blast in a tiny room and an incredibly squishy sofa

gamerchick · 27/12/2021 22:33

Send him alone because he's an embarrassment.

Goldbar · 27/12/2021 22:51

Do you own a small child? When my DH does this, I point DC in his direction and DC cannon balls onto him. DC can't resist a sleeping daddy... it's like a red rag.

Noisenough · 27/12/2021 23:03

Is it his childhood home? I have been guilty of doing it a few times but my mum is a feeder, I know my kids are comfortable a being watched/entertained and I think my body just feels relaxed (single parent does not happen often) goes into a contented standby mode 😂

Kite22 · 27/12/2021 23:04

100% what @Clammyclam said.

I mean, I'm a big fan of a nap myself.
I totally get the combination of finally switching off from work / probably not getting enough sleep in previous few days or weeks / a nice warm room / being where you feel 'comfortable' or relaxed / having eaten a nice meal and feeling full / potentially having driven for a couple of hours to get there (?) / that feeling of being 'on holiday' ie that there isn't something in reach you ought to be doing really calls for a relaxed nap.

HideousKinky · 27/12/2021 23:06

I'm a bit annoyed at DH this year who fell asleep at our DD's house on Christmas Day and when he woke, spilt the cup of tea he was holding in his lap all over her new sofa....

LuluBlakey1 · 27/12/2021 23:10

DH has broken bones in his foot and is in plaster. Yesterday we went to PIL for the day. FIL arrived at 10.30am loaded DH into back of car and I said 3 DC and I would walk- it's only 10-15 mins and the DC wanted to take their bikes.
We did a little detour so they could bike round a bit and it was half an hour by the time we arrived. DH was ensconced in an armchair with a large footstool and cushions for his pot, a coffee table next to him with a mug of tea, a bacon sandwich and a box of chocolates.
He never moved all day apart from to hobble to the loo and after lunch- his was served on a tray to him- he said he felt tired and MIL suggested he had a snooze on the sofa in his grandma's sitting room (she lives with them but has her own granny apartment on the ground floor). Grandma suggested he lay on her bed because it would be more comfortable for his leg and he could use her back pillow to support it. He did and slept for 2 hours only waking when MIL took him a cup of tea in.
Meanwhile FIL and I took the children down to the seafront and they rode their bikes on the Prom for a while and then we came back in time for tea.
DH's tea was served on a tray again. I said he is perfectly capable of going to the table but it was as if I hadn't spoken. After tea DH , full of beans by then (not edible ones), was all chat and jokes and was made a huge fuss of by MIL and grandma who think he is wonderful. FIL took me and DC home and DH was then brought in back of car.
He sat down on our sofa when his dad had gone and said 'Mum does make a fuss doesn't she?' as if he hadn't wanted any fuss at all. Pathetic

runoutofgasagain · 27/12/2021 23:19

Oh my goodness, my DH does this too! I'm left looking after DCs and making small talk. Does my head in and he doesn't get that it's rude. I feel your pain!

peboh · 27/12/2021 23:20

My mums sofa is so comfy, that if I'm tired I usually end up nodding off whilst lounging there. Thankfully dh has never complained. He enjoys my families company, and doesn't feel the need to make small talk. He just makes himself at home and cracks open her biscuits.

raffys · 27/12/2021 23:24

Mine does it everywhere, when he's a had a few drinks and he's comfy he falls asleep, doesn't really bother me anymore and friends and family just expect it!

stayathomer · 27/12/2021 23:26

I've done this at my mum's leaving dh with the kids, really difficult not to, when you get home at Christmas time it's just like your body goes 'ahhh'!!

AliceMcK · 27/12/2021 23:53

I’ve always seen it as a sign of being comfortable somewhere. I use to always doze off at my parents, my DBs are the same, yet they won’t sit still for a minute anywhere else but will happily conk out on my parents sofa.

Maybe because it’s his parents house, he feels like he’s at home.

Kite22 · 27/12/2021 23:58

he doesn't get that it's rude.

See, that's where I think we have different standards. Yes, it would be rude if he were taking you to visit for the first time as a nervous young girlfriend. Yes it would be rude if you'd gone to a dinner party at your boss's house. But, IMO, they are completely different to relaxing at your parents' house. As a pp said, they are pleased their FiL feels relaxed and comfortable enough when he comes to visit. I think immediate family can cope with someone falling asleep when they are both tired and relaxed. Whoever falls asleep in our extended family gatherings would get a bit of stick about getting old, but it wouldn't be a problem for anyone.

Rizzoli123 · 28/12/2021 01:33

When husbands aunt comes her partner does the same on the settee

Guess it means they feel comfortable

Dumpling89 · 28/12/2021 07:39

YANBU but also if I were one of the ILs I would also be a bit annoyed that every time my adult child came round they fell asleep! 😂

ChubbyMorticia · 28/12/2021 07:46

I’d wake him. “We should get going, you’re obviously exhausted.”

Unless someone enjoys their in-laws company, I don’t understand why they’d be interested in visiting without their spouse participating.

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