Sometimes it would be nice to be thought of, right?

[KCee30]

At Christmas. Probably be told I'm being spoilt or entitled. I've not had a single present off anyone. I don't expect much.

I'm so happy my kids are happy with their gifts and that's all that matters. Especially after the shit December they've had with all of us having covid.

All just had covid and come of isolation just before Christmas. It was a hard few weeks. It took 3 weeks to get through us all - the whole of the build up to Christmas. Thankfully I was organised and had bought all gifts etc. I work my ass for a good Christmas.

Children are too young to buy me presents and I don't expect it. Me and do mutually agreed not to buy each other gifts as this year has been financially draining with things being repaired around the house, car issues

I'm starting to regret that. Dp has had loads bought for him from his mum and siblings. After shave, trainers, socks etc. Usually mil buys me something but hasn't this year. She did say she was cutting down on what she spends so fair enough. But it seems wrong that she's always bought me something and not this year. To add Dp does not do anything of the shopping, I have picked out gifts for her, her partner and partners siblings. I did all the hard work!! Dp has done F all but I did get a card.

As for my family, I've had nothing. My mum gets me nothing. Money is not the issue. My younger siblings have so much and post pics on their Instagram stories. My mum says it's because she's bought stuff for my kids instead. Fair enough but she's spent barely anything on them. My siblings had at least £500 each spent on them.

I bought them all gifts and I get nothing. I'm not going to buy gifts for anyone apart from my kids next year or maybe token gifts. I like to buy gifts and I know you shouldn't give to recurve but I just feel unappreciated.

I give them no reason to act like this. I'm not a horrible or ungrateful person. I would have been happy with chocs or socks or slippers. I'm easily satisfied.

I know my mum buys all her friends and friends kdis and her neighbours. Yet me nothing!!

I'm so down. I feel so unappreciated and crap after all the effort I go to.

I would go and treat myself to something but due to us both being on ssp during our covid isolation I just can't afford it!

Your not being unreasonable or spoilt. I find the Xmas period so stressful buying all the presents, wrapping, decorating the house, making Xmas dinner, feels like I do everything to make it special for everyone else and while I adore seeing the happiness on the kids faces Xmas morning it would be nice if someone tried to do something for me to make me feel special at Xmas. I feel utterly drained this year with being ill and hosting for family etc.

Ah op. I feel bad for you. I know it's not all about the gifts but you were the only one left out.

My dad was shit at organising anything for my mum. From us or him.
Even this Christmas she had to pick up her own xmas prezzie from him. and I wrapped it for him to hand back to her .

I often see mums getting the shit end of the stick. Now I make sure a big deal is made of my mum to make up for the years of her doing everything and getting nothing.

Its true it's not a 'huge deal' in life but I completely understand your disappointment.

In your position I would mention to my partner that even though you both agreed not to buy each other anything this year, you are disappointed you had nothing to join in opening.

When finances get better, do treat yourself op. Even if its something small. You do a lot and deserve to be appreciated.

I’m so sorry you didn’t end up with anything. Even though we know it’s mainly for the kids and it’s fun making it special for them, it sounds wrong that you sorted out mil’s gift with not even a thank you gift from your husband for your efforts.

You must leave your husband to buy for his family next year. I only buy for my mil because she’s very generous to me. It has to be reciprocal.

It was a thin year for me too but I really enjoyed buying for others this year, so I feel happy about that.

I arrange a shopping trip with my mother before Christmas to exchange ideas. We had a really lovely day out and I enjoyed going around the next day buying her all the things she’d picked out or hinted at (coat, dressing gown, set of books, scarf and some lovely fancy biscuits).

She bought me the three little selector packs of chocolate from hotel chocolat you get for £12… in all the flavours I hate.

I’m more than slightly bemused as we went there on our day trip and I clearly spoke about what flavours I liked and turned my nose up at these particular ones as we were oohing and ahhing over the display.

We both know that this is the subtle purpose of the shopping trip (and obvs we enjoy the day together - it’s honestly not grabby in anyway!) but it’s hard not to feel a little bit hurt. She does have form for bizarre and tacky gifts though, so perhaps it was a blessing!

YANBU and you are not the only one to feel this way. Many of us get nothing year after year. Especially parents as people buy for our kids and not us. Fair enough I suppose.

This year I gave my children 5 pounds each to buy me a little gift, so I would have something to open on Xmas day. I got facemasks, a cup, candles and some body butter. I was genuinely pleased. It's not about the cost, it's the gesture. And the children were excited to see me open their gifts too.

Maybe try that next year, and definitely stop buying for people who never buy for you.

Well this is now the time to tell dp that he is doing his family from now on including birthdays
Tell him what you feel

@mamas12

Well this is now the time to tell dp that he is doing his family from now on including birthdays Tell him what you feel

Oh I have now 😅 he definitely knows how I fee now! We had agreed not to buy each other anything so that's not my issue. I buy stuff throughout the year anyway. He's pretty generous usually.

It's just that I've spent so long sorting Christmas and I've not had anything 😪

@Poptart4

YANBU and you are not the only one to feel this way. Many of us get nothing year after year. Especially parents as people buy for our kids and not us. Fair enough I suppose.

This year I gave my children 5 pounds each to buy me a little gift, so I would have something to open on Xmas day. I got facemasks, a cup, candles and some body butter. I was genuinely pleased. It's not about the cost, it's the gesture. And the children were excited to see me open their gifts too.

Maybe try that next year, and definitely stop buying for people who never buy for you.

Sounds amazing. It's definitely the gesture. I have a landmark birthday soon so I may do this with my dc too!

That's sad op.
Next year put away a few little bits for yourself (I know money is tight this year)
Ask dh to get you something. Even a token

Cut back on getting others stuff. Buy pre made food. Don't do any of the wife work dh needs to step up.

I truly never understand these types of relationships. Was your 'd' p not mortified to sit there opening presents with loads of good stuff for him while you sat there with nothing?
Did he not say anything at all? I just can't imagine my dh's reaction to this situation.
Did you speak to him about it at all? Tell him how it made you feel?

I think it's important for couples to make an effort for each other particularly when dc are small & all the focus in generally on them. By the time they get older couples can be more financially secure as earning power increases etc
When money is tight & life feels like a drudge a lot of the time a small, thoughtful, inexpensive gift can really really lift spirits and make you feel seen & appreciated.

I know the temptation is to say no presents to each other - everything on the kids but if you can afford to buy for his siblings partner then surely with a little rejigging of budgets you can find the means to free up a small amount for each other?

In fact if he's getting plenty of gifts from his family & you're getting nothing at all I would go so far as to say he should only buy for you & it should be a heartfelt gift in recognition of all you do to make Christmas so nice for everyone else

But you need to be honest with him as he seems happy enough with the status quo & that's really shit of him imo

YANBU at all. Your DP needs a kick up the bum. He doesn't need to buy you diamonds but it wouldn't kill him to run you a bath with scented oil, light a couple of candles, and bring you a glass of wine while you have a peaceful soak.

I'm cross this year because ex didn't take ds in to town to buy me a Xmas present. DS came to me, all upset on the 23rd and confessed that 'daddy had forgotten'. Ex had spent the previous Sunday sat on my sofa drinking my coffee and been a shit father yet again.

I sorted it out (again) but why are men so utterly selfish and useless?

@NalPolishRemover gifts weren't given out like this year thankfully. We were out of isolation by Christmas but because we have vulnerable family members we decided not to see such other Christmas Day either as were only just out of isolation

Mil dropped all the gifts off for us at the door a couple days before Christmas as the last of us were isolating. So they were opened at home which made it a tiny bit easier for me.

My mum she dropped them off too. She wanted the kids to have her gifts before Christmas Day and we were staying in Christmas Day.

I've been so busy and it's finally hit me that no one cares.

But yes on an average non covid year it would suck. I've been to my mums at Christmas and me and dp were the only ones with no gifts to open.

Mil has surprised me though. I usually get something off her. Last year she gave me a £30 boots voucher which I was very grateful for! Mine and mils relationship has become strained this year but we've never fallen out as such!

Reading this made me feel sad and a little angry. Your bloke should sort his mother out. And you should stop behaving like a doormat. Value yourself and others will start to do the same.
Without you there would be no 'family'. Remember this

OP,

I find your post absolutely unbelievable.

I mean really UNBELIEVABLE.

Not ONE gift from ANYONE?

You have absolutely NO SELF RESPECT to tolerate this.

Please spend money on counselling in the new year to find out why you are with such a selfish man and why you would make SO little of yourself, buying presents for people who don't consider you at all.

Please just STOP.

Stop doing ANYTHING for his family.

You have a long miserable life ahead of you if you continue to allow yourself to be treated so badly by yourself and those around you.

Is this really how you want to feel every year?

Please get help.
I mean the above very kindly.

OP I think your dp should be embarrassed to have gifts to open in front of you when you have none irrespective of whether that's in private or in front of wider family.

That's something that's entirely between you and your dp & it speaks volumes about how little he cares for you as the person he has chosen to spend his life with above all others.

It's so easy to get sucked into thinking the young kid phase is forever & your life will always be this whirlwind of trying to fit it all in & make it all happen but as the parents of mid / late teens I can honestly tell you it won't always be like that.

One day it will revert to you & your dp primarily & what will happen then if you have not minded your relationship? Shame on him. Really. He should be bolstering you & acknowledging the huge role you are playing by looking after a young family etc

And utter shame on your mil for punishing you by leaving you out this year.

I.also don't understand your own mother - she could buy something cheaper for the dc & get you, her actual daughter, a small gift.

This has really made me feel sad for you. People don't appreciate the work that goes into Christmas and it's heartbreaking not to get anything

YANBU. Don’t even bother with token presents anymore, just stop buying them, give it no mental space and concentrate on yourself and dc.

How did DH react when you said you won’t be buying for his family anymore?

Great post @NalPolishRemoverlpolish

Completely agree.

There is NO way I would believe my self loved and cared for by a partner or husband who would treat me so poorly.

Even if your dp wasn’t giving you a gift from himself he should at very least be helping the kids to find you something.

l am a single parent, and what l do is buy myself some treats at xmas and also througjout the year, they are not expensive but then l dont feel like l' ve missed out .
Both my sons are working now so l do get something from them, but for years when they were younger l didnt, as husband died young and no contact with his family.
l work really hard all year round so its my gift to myself, and.you must do the same.

So sorry,that is awful.Learn from this.Next year only buy for your children husband can sort his family if he wishes,nothing to do with you.Your children could make little craft items with you they can be your gifts which mean more than bought things.Tell your family you are no longer buying for adults and save the money for a day out with your children.Start as you mean to go on.Good luck and value yourself.

This made me shed a few tears OP as I can definitely relate to this. I stopped buying the gifts for DHs family a few years ago due to the same lack of reciprocal effort. In all honesty, it eases some pressure off me but it doesn’t stop the feeling of resentment towards them or the hurt of not receiving anything. ILs nor my DHs siblings buy me anything and I have to sit around them all exchanging gifts and opening them, with me having nothing to open.

I’ve spoken to DH about it on many occasions but he keeps saying he can’t make them buy me presents. Apparently they say that they’ve always just bought for each other so this is what they’ll continue to do. They buy for our DC too. I’ve decided I’m not going to go to ILs anymore and subject myself to watching them enjoy their presents. I’m going to stay at home from next year