RSVP (or lack of)

[onedayoranother]

Every time I organise a lunch or dinner, be it for work or friends, it seems impossible to get a definite yes or no out of some people. I've suggested a lunch for later this week as I'm visiting a town some way from where I live (I do this every couple months) and thought it would be a good chance to catch up and get out of the house after Christmas. The usual four or five reliables immediately said yes, but two said 'I hope I can make it' and two have not replied at all (but have commented on the WhatsApp group the invite went out on). I have directly asked them for a commitment or answer either way.
I also get people dropping out last minute for the most spurious reasons. Last year we had an embarrassing time when 8 of us booked dinner but only three actually made it - the restaurant was not pleased.
I feel if you get invited you say yes thank you or sorry can't make it, if you commit then you turn up unless you've broken a leg or something! And please don't say 'I hope I can make it' and not answer one way or the other at all!

Yanbu I find this really annoying as well. Some things you need to plan in advance and I hate people who leave others to do all the organising so they can just rock up and have a nice time, and can't even commit themselves to make planning easier. It's lazy and thoughtless.

I find this rude too. A flaky “friend” of mine who hasn’t been in touch for literally years recently questioned why I never catch up with her anymore. She’s never made an effort and when I have she’s was always “trying to make it” or “sooo busy” so I eventually gave up. She got really angry with me when I pointed this out though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just book it for the yesses

I would book a table or the 4-5 people who have said yes, and then if the others turn up, tell them you thought they weren't coming so there's no place reserved for them.

@icedcoffees

I would book a table or the 4-5 people who have said yes, and then if the others turn up, tell them you thought they weren't coming so there's no place reserved for them.

Totally agree with this, great idea. Not blowing my own trumpet but I’m a reliable, as is DH. We always check our diary before saying yes and once it’s in it’s staying there. We don’t like letting people down. We’ll say no quickly too if we have other plans (or don’t want to go 😂)

Just book for the people who are definite.

I would say that the people you are inviting either don’t value you as a good friend or aren’t keen on some of the others in the group. I admit I have one group of friends where I nearly always give a flaky or non-committal response as truthfully I only really enjoy spending time with a couple of members of the group, I find the others hard work but one of the members I like spending time with is a socialite and so even when I try and arrange just to see her always ends up inviting everybody. As such I tend to give a maybe response and wait and see who is actually going, and this whether I’ll enjoy myself, and also check I’m not going to get a better offer to spend time with friends I enjoy the company of more. I do admit that is probably a little rude though, but seems politer than saying ‘actually I only really like A& B in this group and would prefer not to socialise with C, D & E.’

Some of my friends are like this. It’s so annoying and I think it’s rude too.

Sometimes people genuinely don't know if they can make it or not. I have a child with SN and whether I make it or not will depend if he's having a good or bad day. Which isn't very helpful for my friends I know, but not sure what I can do about it. I'm guessing those who suffer from chronic health conditions etc will have good and bad days too. Just something else to consider OP.

YANBU at all.
Just put in the Group "Okay, so that's Jane, Penny, Deb, Freda , Kate and me then? I'm booking a table tonight so any change let me know before 6"
Then it is a reminder if someone glanced at it but forgot, but gives a firm time by which people need to commit.

Agree just book it for the defines, tell them whose name it is under and if anyone else can come then they can ring up and add themselves to the table.

This

Really rude. I agree book for the yes’s and any floundering people can sit uncomfortably on the corner if they rock up.

Just book for the yesses