I am so confused and upset.
DH and I have had many ups and downs in our relationship over the years. For context, my husband has had depression for years (he is currently taking antidepressants and sees a counsellor), and I am awaiting an ADHD/ASD assessment.
A couple of weeks ago, we were going through a stressful time as a family (DD unhappy at school, financial worries, we got Covid etc) DH and I had been getting on well for a few months prior to that. One evening I was asking him about dinner. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he lashed out at me, saying that "I always had to spoil everything". He said that he'd been having a relaxing day and I'd spoilt it by asking him about logistics etc. I just sat there in shock as I had no clue what he was talking about, bearing in mind that as far as I knew I was just having a normal conversation.
This was then followed by a week of him giving me the cold shoulder - he has been distracted, cold and angry with me. I was so upset, as that is the worst situation for me when he's like that. I kept crying and asking him what was wrong, I just didn't understand. This continued throughout Christmas Day. We both made an effort for the day to be pleasant for the children but I still felt so upset, as I usually love Christmas and had been looking forward so much to it.
This morning (Boxing Day), even though again he didn't want to talk, I begged him to tell me what was wrong. After lots of false starts, he finally admitted that when we had been going through a stressful time a few weeks ago, I had apparently had a "meltdown" with him and he found it too much to take, so since then had to withdraw for self preservation.
I cannot in all honesty remember this "meltdown" I remember being stressed on a couple of occasions and talking to him, when I did I was not angry or upset with him, just overloaded with the situation.
What I am so upset about is that he has sat on his feelings and given me the cold treatment for a week and over Christmas. We all make mistakes and ok, if he felt I'd had a meltdown and he couldn't take it, why not say something, but treat me like that? I don't mind at all if he is direct with me, I am always asking him to communicate directly with me, then I can learn from my behaviour and we can move on.
I have felt so hurt and devastated that he has behaved like this. He has apologised, but keeps at the same time excusing his behaviour and saying "I've apologised ok, what more do you want me to do?".
I have been so upset. I don't know if I am too upset about this. When his moods go up and down (which they have done since I have known him) I feel so confused and unsafe. When we get on well I feel so happy, but every few months he can get quite unpredictable. He thinks that it is unusual that I am so reactive to his moods and that I should be able to roll with it. He thinks the reason I am so upset is because I am very sensitive and potentially have ADHD/ASD. Yes it's true, our relationship seems to be the bedrock of my life and if it's not stable or predictable I feel very unsettled.
Is my DH's behaviour unreasonable or am I too sensitive and expecting too much from a relationship?