Looking after a kid not productive

[HobgoblinGold]

Slip of the tongue comment from DH who always seems to manage to find something else to do than look after our baby girl. When I asked him why he always seemed to find a 'project', he responds by saying to feel productive. I pick him up on it assuring him that keeping a kid alive is very productive! He recognises what he said and realised his thought error. We will talk about this thought process more. So

AIBU - just a thrown away comment that means nothing? Or

AINBU - deep down he doesn't view looking after kids as 'productive'

He needs to learn to multitask! When you are at home with your child it’s not just 100% attention on them, you get some stuff done but admittedly would do more with no child. He needs to take this approach too unless it’s something burning where you both agree that one of you will solely focus on getting it done and one will look after DC. While he needs to think about prioritising time with DC, he needs to communicate his priorities about what needs to be done so you can work it out with him.

This is why I get concerned when men get 50/50 custody of their kids. There is no way the majority of them are as invested as their mums. There will always be exceptions, but not many. But again this is just a continuation of the denigration of our rights as women and mothers.

Yabu.

Dh likes to also get something else done as long as dc still well looked after that is absolutely fine and not an accusation that you are being unproductive if you don't.

Looking after children is not productive. It's useful, vital, needed, and incredibly fulfilling- lots of other words.

It's the difference between painting a room and cleaning it.

Painting and decorating is a clear achievement that doesn't need to be done for years.

Cleaning a room is necessary but then needs to be done again the.next week, day, hour.

That's no excuse for not doing the unproductive stuff though

I wouldn't analyse the comment as much as the fact thar he never wants to look after her. I think your future is foretold in many threads on here.

What he actually means is it’s more interesting to him to do a project, so he ensures he’s ‘busy’ rather than do childcare.
Very common on here, there’s lots of threads about it, and also see mens ‘hobbies’ that necessitate being out of the house for long periods frequently.

YANBU He sounds really selfish and misogynistic. He doesn't see spending time with his own child as 'productive'. What a prince you have there! Certainly not father material is he? I bet he sees you spending time with DC as productive, because you're the woman. There can be nothing more productive, or precious - than spending time with your child/ren. Especially as they grow up too quickly. That time can never be gotten back. This is why women need to be really, really sure of the man they choose as the father of their children, and make sure they're on the same page. His comment is hurtful, offensive, misogynist and I couldn't forget it, or move past it without a genuine apology from him and a real attempt at changing his attitude and behaviour.

@Crikeycroc

'Are you the primary carer? Do you perhaps feel hurt thar it seems like he doesn’t appreciate that caring for a child is worthwhile work.
For what it’s worth, I adore my daughter but I do find it frustrating sometimes that I can’t just get into a task because I am caring for her. He probably isn’t putting you down.'

Yes I'm the primary carer. I think he does appreciate but I feel is the result of a society that indoctrinates a male/female role. Something I also do without thinking.

@Coyoacan

Really interesting way of putting it.

@citycitycity

I do suspect this

@ThreeLocusts

Completely agree with this

@Copasetic

It depends - he has been known over the years to do the following

Train for a cycle tace from London to Paris which meant training for hours/days between normal work hours. Our son was about 6 months.

Building shelfing units or other house stuff.

Painting his warhammer models

Putting together scale kids which can take months

Recently made 20 (beautiful) stockings for family members.

@Anycrispsleft

Really interesting

Shaping a child's future and emotional well being is extremely productive. I think he's mixing up having a child with having a pet.