To want to move away

[Amiayoungmumtho]

So a bit of a back story, I live in a very small village outside of a very small town with very little to do and very limited opportunities work wise. Everyone knows everyone and went to school together etc.
I've lived here since the age of 11 and I'm now nearly 30. Everyone I used to be close with has moved away from the area and I now have no one o would call a close friend left in the area.
I've been wanting to move away from here for around 4 years now but I have 2 small children (5&3) and a long term partner.
I have brought it up to my partner on a few occasions but I know he really doesn't want to move away he enjoys the quiet life and his family live here, he's got a stable job etc.
We also have moved to a really nice new house recently which we all love but it's just not in the right place for me.
I've pushed through living here the last few years because I know my partner doesn't want to move, he doesn't like change, but in the past 2 years it has taken a toll on my mental health, I feel like I'm just watching my life pass me by, like I'm just waiting it out and it gets me do depressed and anxious, especially in the winter months it really gets me down. I'm bored all the time. The only thing to do is walk the dog, read a book or have a drink.
Drinking really doesn't agree with me, so I've recently decided to go tee-total and I know I'm going to find that so difficult living here as there is nothing pleasurable to do to pass the time.
Where I live is very remote and we only have one car, so I feel like I'm trapped in the house a lot of the time.
I want to live somewhere that's easy to get around, can walk to a shop of you need a pint of milk, walking distance to a gym, stuff for the kids to do, shops, cafes, easy to go for a day out with the kids. Able to walk to and from the school, have options of where to work rather than just having to stay in your workplace because there are no other options.
I've been looking at houses and job opportunities in other places and I feel like I'd be so much happier somewhere else.
At the same time I feel so selfish to expect my whole family to uproot themselves and unsettle everyone just for me as I am the only one that's struggling.
Also if my partner doesn't want to come I couldn't bare the thought of trying to commute the kids between us.
I don't know what to do. I wish I could just be happy here but I've tried and it's not working.

I think the first thing to do would be to get out practising in your car to build up your confidence. Drive somewhere every day so you get used to it. Then get a second car.

Do you work at the moment? Either way, look for a (more interesting) job. Doesn't matter if it's an hour away- lots of people commute that far. Get some solid child care lined up and go for it.

Look for a hobby you can take up/ return to in the evening or weekends. Again, once you are more confident driving, you can spread your net further to find this.

If you are more mobile, in a better/ more fulfilling job and engaged in a hobby for yourself and STILL can't bear where your live, then it is time for serious talks. But I wouldn't uproot your whole family without trying to help yourself first.

@MrzClaus Honestly yes. I'm a person who is very happy in my own company always have been.
I would like to take my children to and from school, which at the moment isn't possible due to where we live/school/work.
I would like to be able to go to a gym.
I would like to be able to decide to take my kids to the park or a soft play centre when they are bored.
I would like to be able to plan days out at the weekends.
I would like to be able to order a takeaway when I get home late after work and still have kids to bathe and put to bed.
For most people these things are taken for granted and just part of normal life, for me it would be an absolute god send to be able to these things.

I don’t think this is unrealistic at all. I’m in a suburb of a big city and most people can walk to a few shops, local primary, park etc. It’s not a pipe dream. I think you will regret carrying on as you are, it sounds soul destroying. Are you in rural Lincolnshire?

I have hobbies and I am employed. I enjoy my job, I would to be in the same career if I was to move.
I have done the whole driving thing numerous times and the reason I fall out of it again is because there is no where to go, there's nothing to do. If we were to go anywhere to do anything it would have to be full day trip and it's an absolute effort.

I think reading back through these posts. It sounds as though I have made up my mind as I can justify myself against every point made.
Guess it's just time to have a proper discussion about it now.

@Didiusfalco @mildtomoderate I'm not in England. I'm Rural Scotland.

It sounds like you've thought it through and sensible OP. I lived in deepest Scotland for a while. Hate hate hated it. No jobs, no future - I felt so isolated. Ten years later I still live in the country, but ten minutes outside a secondary city with lots of people with children our age and a big range of activities and restaurants. You could do something every night if you wanted to, and that makes the times you choose to stay home even more special.

But your DP is apparently not on board and you have only "recently" moved (Renting or opening) and your child has only just started primary probably a year ago.

However good these things are, (and yes I wouldn't want to be without them) you are part of a partnership and a family. If your significant other doesn't agree the reality isnt just the things you list (which are dreamy), the potentially the things you dont (like being a single parent). And could get very messy dependent on how much your partner doesn't agree.

Your focus is entirely on the dreamy, theres a whole shit load of mess you are completely ignoring.

I would like to be able to decide to take my kids to the park or a soft play centre when they are bored.
I would like to be able to plan days out at the weekends.
I would like to be able to order a takeaway when I get home late after work and still have kids to bathe and put to bed.

How involved is your DH in cooking and childcare?

If he isn't bothered about you all being so rural but you are desperate to get out, I can't help but wonder how much of the hardship is falling solely on you.

It sounds as if he perhaps isn't appreciating how isolated you feel as he's often out in your shared car. I may wrong, but I reads like he can come and go as he pleases and you're stuck at home struggling to entertain your young DC with no local amenities, not even a village park.

On the evenings when you're too exhausted to cook, does he bring food home or offer to whip something up for you both? Or does it all fall on you?

@JennyForeigner this would be an ideal comprise. He could still have quiet country living and still be able to access decent amenities.
@Caramellatteplease I am not ignoring anything. I've persevered with life like this for years and I really am at my breaking point. I know my kids would have a better quality of life somewhere else. Also I'm not saying I'm packing my bags I'm saying it's time for a discussion. Like I said before I don't think anything I've said is 'dreamy' it's very basic for most people.
@LonginesPrime he does do his fair share of most things, there are certain tasks that fall to me and certain tasks that fall to him. On the whole we're pretty equal with finances, childcare, housework etc.

I made the dreamy comment meaning that your expectations of moving are based on some very small things that you seem to be basing everything around - will these things be worth the disruption / uprooting of your life / your families life?

These are not some very small things.
They are a key part of how some of us want to live and enjoy life.
I cannot comprehend living in a place where I couldn't easily and quickly get to shops, entertainment, schools etc
It would absolutely be worth uprooting and as your kids get older, it will be great for them.

@Voice0fReason thank you this is how I see it as well. I feel that my kids would not thank me for staying in a place like this. As lovely as it is to look at it's not all about scenery, they need to have experiences and opportunities.

YANBU at all, the things you want feel quite basic and very doable and shouldn't in any way ruin your family's life, only improve it for the future. However I do find this a little odd - We also have moved to a really nice new house recently which we all love but it's just not in the right place for me. - Why did you move so recently to the wrong place when you've been feeling this way? It's going to be much harder to make the case for moving again, especially if you all love it. The fact you did this makes it seem like maybe you only have this yearning for another life occasionally in which case it could be about other dissatisfactions.

You recently moved
Why did you move to somewhere with no shop or facilities?

We moved from a flat to house, it's roughly the same area. We needed the extra room which is the reason me moved.