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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad at DH response to Christmas

25 replies

Arch201 · 26/12/2021 13:31

This is mine and DHs first married Christmas. Three days ago I tested positive for covid, which really disrupted our Christmas plans - MIL staying with us for a week.

MIL is in her 70s and has very little going on. Her Christmas visit is something she really looks forward to, so it was very distressing for everyone.

DH is constantly talking about how hard this is for him - how he’s stuck in the middle and how disappointed and upset his mum is.

I do understand, but I’ve also been feeling very unwell and am away from my family (who are abroad) too. I feel the whole thing has been really blown out of proportion, with the whole focus being on a disrupted visit rather than our wellbeing and health.

Today he has gone to spend Boxing Day with MIL leaving me alone at home.

We did discuss it, but I just feel incredibly upset at being alone and sick at home at a time that should be spent with family.

I’m probably being unreasonable, but I just feel quite secondary at the moment.

OP posts:

DrManhattan · 26/12/2021 13:37

You are 100% in the right here. Has he taken covid with him to his mums. If it continues I would let his mum have him.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2021 13:39

Your husband does sound tricky - what's the point of crying over spilt milk?

But as your MIL was unexpectedly alone yesterday, it seems a nice thing for him to do, to go and see her today. It's only one day and you can relax.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 26/12/2021 13:42

There's no way I'd go and see my mum if I lived with a partner who had confirmed covid!

Teacupsandtoast · 26/12/2021 13:45

So he'll happily risk giving his mum covid because he's selfish? Have you been isolating away from him?

Cheerbear24 · 26/12/2021 13:45

There’s nothing you can do about it, it’s just very bad timing. I’d be annoyed if he kept going on about his mothers visit rather than you. I find it odd how he has potentially taken covid to his mum’s house though, rather than call the whole thing off.

MMMarmite · 26/12/2021 13:46

I feel he's taking a lot of risk of giving her covid!

But aside from that, I don't think he's being unreasonable, he's spending some time with you, and some time with her. Her married you, but he's still allowed to care about other people too. It seems unfair to expect him to spend 100% of the holiday with you unless you are so ill that you need caring for.

QuestionNumberOne · 26/12/2021 13:47

So he’s potentially infected his mum. And blamed you, and left you alone.

Wow. Sorry OP. Get well soon

WaltzingBetty · 26/12/2021 13:48

It's fine to feel sad but please don't resent him visiting his elderly mum who was alone for Xmas
In normal circumstances I think he's right to do so.
However it's pretty risky when you have covid!

Teacupsandtoast · 26/12/2021 13:49

And did he actually say YOU having covid was hard for HIM? Diddums....

mermaidgiraffe · 26/12/2021 13:50

I can sympathise. My partner tested positive on Christmas Eve and my family haven't even asked if he's ok. All just woe is me, they're so disappointed about Christmas etc.

I think it's ok for him to go and see her though (covid risk aside). He spent Christmas Day with you and is seeing her on Boxing Day. He's doing it to keep his mum happy I presume?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 26/12/2021 13:51

Aside from the obvious COVID transmission issue.....

I dont see ab issue here tbh. He's gone to spend some time with his mum. Tbh OP I think you're being a bit unreasonable here

Pinkdelight3 · 26/12/2021 13:53

Well it's a shit situation all round so YANBU to feel sad and upset (and unwell) but it's also understandable for him and his mum to feel sad and upset, so I'd try not to turn this into a blame and resentment thing. The illness is probably making you feel more sorry for yourself than usual, but I wouldn't lean into it and guilt trip him with 'first xmas of being married' and such. As long as you're well enough to left alone, then be nice to yourself, rest up and get well. It's him and his mum's decision whether to see each other and presumably he's LFT'd and has weighed up the risks and chosen to go so that she's not alone for the whole time. Basically leave them to it and don't get into a blame thing. It's covid, it sucks, it's no one's fault, you're all in a crap situation because of it.

PickAChew · 26/12/2021 13:54

Is everything always about him, in this way?

If so, and you don't have kids with him, never do.

EmmasMum12 · 26/12/2021 13:54

Goodness.... who is his priority? Mum or you? Apart from the fact that he's probably taken covid to her home ....dickhead , I'd say his Mum is more important to him than you.

I've been in a relationship with a mummies boy. 🤮

mumda · 26/12/2021 13:56

I don't think the risk of testing positive for covid should have been a surprise to anyone this year.

How people deal with it is another matter.

Are you fed, warm and resting?

GoGoGretaDoll · 26/12/2021 13:57

Wow, he's very self-centred isn't he? He's putting his desire to see his mother over her safety, putting his feelings about not seeing his mother over your comfort, he actually doesn't sound very nice OP. What's he like the rest of the time?

YungWaffle · 26/12/2021 13:57

The only potential issue is him bringing covid to his mum's which is mitigated by vaccination and/or testing.

I don't think him leaving his elderly mother completely alone during the Christmas period would be particularly nice and it's just one day.

I've really never understood this mindset that aan shouldn't have any consideration for his family (particularly his mother) once he's married.

GoGoGretaDoll · 26/12/2021 13:59

@YungWaffle

The only potential issue is him bringing covid to his mum's which is mitigated by vaccination and/or testing.

I don't think him leaving his elderly mother completely alone during the Christmas period would be particularly nice and it's just one day.

I've really never understood this mindset that aan shouldn't have any consideration for his family (particularly his mother) once he's married.

Well I do normally agree with that @YungWaffle but OP only tested positive 3 days ago so she's still highly infectious and he should be staying home. In Scotland (where I live) they would BOTH be isolating for 10 days...but even elsewhere, I think leaving a house with an active case of covid to visit an elderly relative is beyond stupid.

Original poster

Arch201 · 26/12/2021 13:59

Thanks everyone.

I think it’s probably more sadness and resentment at the situation. Fortunately MIL lives with her sister, so they weren’t completely alone yesterday.

I’m running a bath and will try to make the most of a relaxing day…

OP posts:

Outlyingtrout · 26/12/2021 13:59

@EmmasMum12

Goodness.... who is his priority? Mum or you? Apart from the fact that he's probably taken covid to her home ....dickhead , I'd say his Mum is more important to him than you.

I've been in a relationship with a mummies boy. 🤮

If he’s happy to risk giving his elderly mum a dose of Covid I’d say his priority is just himself. What a prick. But you’re right it’s odd that he can’t bring himself to be away from his mum when he has an obligation to take care of his wife and to not risk his mother’s health.

LefttoherownDevizes · 26/12/2021 13:59

It is rubbish and sorry you feel ill but I can totally understand him visiting his mum, if they were ok with the risk.

Unless he's left to to single handedly link after loads of small children for the day I can't see why you can't manage by yourself for a he's hours so he goes and keeps hey company. Same as he did for you yesterday.

Itt shouldn't have to be an either/or between you and his mum, there's enough room for both.

girlmom21 · 26/12/2021 14:00

Him going to see him mom today - transmission risk aside - is fine.
I'd hate to have left an elderly relative alone on Christmas Day - that's really sad.

Him acting like a prick rather than just making the best of a bad situation is shitty though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2021 14:01

Stuck in the middle?! Wtf does that mean? It’s not like you got I’ll on purpose. Your plans have gone to shit as well and you’re feeling crap on top of it.

What’s he usually like if you’re ill?

He sounds incredibly selfish. Did he at least test before potentially taking a horrible virus to his elderly mum?

Rest up, chat to a friend if you’re up to it, hope you feel better soon. This is an opportunity to look at your marriage and decide if this is an unusual blip or a sign about his attitude to you.

LawnFever · 26/12/2021 14:02

If he’s that worried about his mum I’m really confused as to why he’s gone to see her and potentially given her covid, bizarre.

Barton10 · 26/12/2021 14:04

If I was you I would enjoy the peace. You can stay in bed with not anything else to worry about. It is nice he cares about his mum. If he was working would you expect him to not go to work because you were ill? I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. It would have been horrible for her on her own yesterday so he is just doing his best to keep you both happy and probably feels awful about it. Hope you feel better soon.

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