Age gap kids

[custardbear66]

I'm due a little girl next July and already have a son who will be 10 by then. I'm wary about how it will work with the age gap. I know it will be tough trying to find family activities that suit them both. I guess I was just hoping for any positive stories about age gap children and how they got along. My son is a really sweet boy who is excited to become a big brother and I know soon he will be a teenager who will have his own life so won't really want to be with us all the time. Any experience appreciated.

11 years between mine. There are lots of nice moments but has been like parenting two separate children for me rather than siblings. Eldest now 18 and does own thing, but also helps me out quite a bit as I'm a lone parent. There isn't really any activities can do together unless it's dog walk or picnic maybe, so really I just take them to their separate activities. It's no big deal, it is what it is don't worry about it. I think they will come together more when youngest is an adult as my siblings have large gaps from me but doesn't matter when we are all adults.

11 years between me and my brother (dad's kid).
13 year between me and my sisters (mum's kids).
Special 1:1 time is so important. My mum and I used to eat ice cream and watch movies one the twins were in bed (most weeks). Dad was separated from brother's mum, so he was good at arranging to have both of us separately with lots of overlap. Our relationship with each other was and is important to him, but he also got lots of 1:1 time with each of us.

We did things like adventure playgrounds - big kid can go off and play, little ones get help. Walks - little kids can be carried/pushed. Ruined castles - outside so littles can run and play, interesting for big things.
Don't push little people events on him. By the time the little one is old enough to actually like little people activities, he'll be able to be home alone. Invite him, but accept a no without being pushy. Little people don't mind being carried to big people things, big people resent little people things. But if you don't pressure him, he's likely to want to come. The more pressure/guilt he feels, the more he will push back on interacting.

Slightly smaller 8 year age gap here. Yes, the older one gets annoyed sometimes by the little one. And the little one gets frustrated and deliberately irritates his big sis. But they adore each other. They are definitely siblings and share silly jokes and games.

Activities that work okay for us are beach holidays, forest walks, trips to some "big" museums like vehicle museums, aircraft displays, Christmas markets, fairgrounds
and circuses, trips to the local library, baking and cooking (surprisingly successful), cycling (from 6 months baby can go in a seat on back of an adult's bike), swimming, gardening, visiting grandparents, eating out. Loads of stuff.

I tried very hard not to give big sister responsibility for the little one when they were tiny as I didnt want her to feel exploited.

It works pretty well in reality. The bigger one needs you less, and can wait more patiently if you are busy with the baby. Squabbles blow over very quickly. They don't argue too much over toys and there isn't really any jealousy as they want you in different ways and usually at different times.

My DD gained a lot of independence and maturity from having a little brother and has decided she wants to be a teacher when she grows up, she loves showing her little brother things and seeing him grow and learn.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

10 yrs between my oldest and youngest. They adore each other

Oldest is 29, middle is 21, youngest is 14, and it works fine, especially now, as they are all super close, and it’s great for the youngest to have siblings who are older, but still young enough to be relatable.

6 and a bit years between me and my brother - I'm older. To be honest, it was really difficult when he was little because his interests and keeping him happy came first, so family outings were dull. My parents also massively took advantage of the fact that I was quiet, awkward and loved to read - they relied on that to keep me out of the way while they focused on DB. As he got older he was just a typical annoying little brother and I didn't want to be around him, then I moved out when he was 14. He has only recently moved out at 25 so he essentially lived as an only child for 11 years!

The fact that you're worrying about this already shows that you actively want to keep it fair, which is already a step up from my parents as pp says, separate activities and taking your DS out one to one is really important and something I'm sure he'll love.

14 years between DD1 and DS and 12 years between DD2 and DS. We don't really do a lot of activities together besides swimming and going out for walks and we have managed bowling a couple of times.
Both DDs are often out either together or with friends and are less worried about family time.
Having said that DS is usually in bed by 7:30 so we have time to talk then and I try to get some 1:1 times with them as often as I can.
Both my girls are really good with their brother, especially my eldest and they can all be really sweet together. With such a big age gap one other major plus is they don't bicker and fight (eldest 2 do all the time).