Expensive but thoughtless Christmas gifts

[Vari757]

I know that people will say IABU and ungrateful but I just wanted people's thoughts.
My OH works away and I have no children but I have SC who were with their mother for Christmas this year (obviously due to OH being abroad for work, unfortunately)
So for Xmas I went to my family home. I was already feeling a little down about the situation but even more so when they give me my gifts...
I know this sounds awful as they clearly spent a huge amount but it was just on meaningless "stuff".
So much so that they got me the EXACT same thing as my main present this year, as they did last year because they forgot all about it. Not just similar, the exact same item.
This is due to a couple of things;

1. They don't use the Internet for shopping, they don't really understand how to do it and can't be bothered learning.
2. They go to the same shopping centre every single occasion for gifts. So much so I can actually predict what everyone will get from what shop.

I had a big birthday recently and they did the same thing, but with a skincare set I cannot use as I have told them several times that due to my allergies and skin sensitivity there are only 2 brands that I can comfortably use (that I'm aware of) but because those brands are not available in boots or super drug, only online or further afield, they won't make the effort to buy them and just got me any old stuff instead.

I know I sound rude but it's so frustrating I would rather they just didn't bother. Everyone always comments how I always get amazing Christmas presents for everyone but it's because I research and explore options rather that throwing money at the first thing available locally!!

If I say something they will be so hurt as they will say they spent X amount so I should be grateful.

Just leave them at your parents house by mistake and when they tell you say “ oh yeah I’ll collect them next time I see you “

To be honest you just have to rise above such things, it’s irritating but as a fully functioning adult think you just have to put it behind you and move on. You are probabky feeling a bit more sensitive than usual so try to shrug it off and move on.

I would tell them, shite gifts with no thought is upsetting.

Depends on the value. Can you return it, sell it on etc?

I’m in a similar boat OP, all of my presents come from ASDA, every year. DM doesn’t shop anywhere else which drives me mad although she does know how to use Amazon and is perfectly able to order online elsewhere. I’m there today, and already know that I will be getting a dove gift set (which I can’t use) and some pants with some sort of cartoon character on (which as a fully grown, pregnant adult, I shan’t be seen dead in). Rise above and move on, then donate the gifts after.

Well it's time to change your own gift-giving. Next year, just a hamper or voucher. Zero thought or effort then you won't feel so annoyed at others not putting the effort in. And just give unwanted gifts to charity shop in the NY.

Thanks all! I am being sensitive as I'm gutted my OH shifts have fallen over this period.
My SC will be dropped back to me in a couple of days so I'll get to give them their other santa presents soon which I'm really looking forward to.
Next year I'll just take a visit to the same shopping centre I think!!

The way you describe it, it's not only you who gets "presents by rote" it's just the way they do it. Its lazy and thoughtless but it doesn't sound personal. They're unlikely to change so your only option is to say "no presents for me please" and hope they listen.
FWIW, I'd be fed up with it too

My MIL and OH are the same. MIL buys cheap meaningless presents and no matter how many times we ask her just to buy for the children or if she must, a voucher would be lovely, we still receive the same thoughtless clutter.
Unless I give OH exact specifications then he doesn't put any thought into what he gets me. This year I've been so busy with work and thinking carefully about oir children's and everyone else's presents that I didn't make time to stop and think about exactly what I would like. My only request was a pair of slippers but to wait for the sales. He has bought me really cheap, thin slippers he picked up in the local garden centre when buying his mum's giftcard. Thorntons salted caramel chocolates (I thought he knew I don't like salted caramel...
I know I am being massively ungrateful and perhaps next year I need to spend less money and thought on presents for him and his family.

Wrap them up now and re-gift them back to the sender (if pos) for birthdays/next Christmas.
Or hand them over to the food bank - ours take toiletries too.

It's about the gifter. Some people excel at it and some are just awful. I have two relatives in my family that are polar opposites and they are parent and child. One just has the knack - always thoughtful, unique things even for my children who have not been seen by them often for some years. The other buys hand cream gift set type things every single year - they go straight to the charity shop as I have sensitive skin and can't even use them.
You have my sympathy as being on the end of a bad gift does hurt. It feels like such a waste of money too, I know. If they've done it all your life it's not likely to improve. You could give them a wish list next year making sure everything is available where they shop. And get yourself a lovely christmas present too, to make up for the disappointment. It's not you, it's them.

Every one has been so kind and understanding. I was expecting to be told I was ungrateful!
I'm more of an experience gift type of person and would have appreciated a ticket to a gig or a show or a voucher for a nice restaurant or class. I prefer things like that rather than more "stuff" that will just be shoved in a cupboard!

Ahh I feel you. My grandma normally gets us rubbish from home shopping or Amazon now she's figured out how to use it but this year gave money which is better to spend on what we want. DH's auntie and cousin got me slipper boots and I can't bare anything on my feet in the house, socks at a push. They've never seen me wear slippers ever. They also got me some bubble bath despite several conversations about how when we redo the bathroom we are removing the bath because we hate baths :D a couple of items to regift this year/put in the charity bag. I wish people would either ask before buying or not bother rather than waste money :/

The worst present givers in my family are generally quite self centred. They don’t really listen to others a great deal, so they don’t pick up when someone comments on something they like and remember it. One of my family members will just buy the first thing she sees because she doesn’t want to put much time or effort thinking about it. I think for those of us who spend a lot of time thinking about what someone would like, it can be a bit of a kick in the teeth when you get completely generic items back or things that are completely not your taste.

For unwanted toiletries Boots and other shops have a hygiene bank where you can deposit unwanted items. So at least someone will benefit. Not sure how you can resolve this other than take them shopping somewhere different as a day out.

I bought my sister and her husband lots of little individually chosen presents that I knew they'd like, all specially wrapped. And they really did seem to like them.

They gave me a Boots No 7 skincare box, and I was disappointed, not just because I can't use no 7 cream/lotion, but because it suggested they hadn't thought about me, and it was like they'd pulled out just anything. It made me feel a bit shit. I completely understand how you feel.

Some people are just forgetful. This has nothing to do with " not shopping on the internet"!

YANBU. I think gift giving should be restricted to a tenner per person, because SOOOO many people buy - and receive - stuff they don't want. My friend's DH has had a gift bought for him by his manager. A bottle of aftershave that cost £70, that he didn't want, hates the smell of and will never use. He even 'wrote MERRY CHRISTMAS STEVE' on the fucking BOX, so he can't re-gift it or return it or sell it. He said he would much rather have had the £70!

Also, a neighbour of mine had a gift from her DP for her 40th birthday last month - an experience - that there is NO WAY she would ever do. A parachute jump. Cost £200. She was so dismayed. She said 'what I could have bought with that £200! Clothes, perfume, jewellery, wine, chocolate, a couple of CDs, and a video game I want. And more!'