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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

With my 9 year old son?

21 replies

Shout · 20/12/2007 19:46

Only an hour into the Christmas holidays and my DS is unhappy with me.

He wants to be able to stay up until 10pm every night now, I have said 9.30pm is late enough.

Also I have said his friend can't come for a sleepover until he has tidied his bedroom.

After much stamping and name calling that I am a control freak etc and he can see why his Dad wants a divorce. ouch!

OP posts:

Bridie3 · 20/12/2007 19:48

They're all really tired and narky right now. My nine-year old daughter keeps telling me that I hate her.

Alambil · 20/12/2007 19:48

OOOOO he would be grounded if he were mine for that remark!

No, YANBU.

walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 20/12/2007 19:49

Would be most unimpressed.

Would send him to bed at 8.30pm for that remark personally

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2007 19:51

Wow. They really know how to hit you where it hurts, don't they? That was a real body blow from your boy!

9.30pm is well late for a 9 year old IMHO. You're being generous. You sure he won't drop off before then anyway? I'd go for 8.30pm myself.

I'm a mum to two much younger children but I think I'd ban computer access after 8.30pm too so that they weren't on it all goggle eyed for hours just before bed.

He's probably cheesed off because he imagined that you wouldn't have a problem with 10pm and so in his mind, had it all set up.

But you just stick to your guns. You're being more than generous. I hope you have a wonderful, sulk free Christmas!

southeastastra · 20/12/2007 19:53

9.30 isn't late for 9 in the holidays

FranSanDisco · 20/12/2007 19:53

Right demand an apology or bedtime moved to 8.00 pm for rest of holiday. Be firm

aPartridgeInapAeroTree · 20/12/2007 19:55

Ds1 is 10 in March and 9pm is quite late enough for him. Any later and it's a rare privilege. I don't want him watching TV after 9pm and tbh, dh and I need our time too! His time will come for staying up later.

Totally agree with the tidying his room before friend comes over - YANBU. Same happens here and he's expecting his chum to sleep over tomorrow night, so the room will be tidied.

As for his comment, that would definitely carry a heavy consequence of some sort, possibly even friend not coming over unless full and sincere apology is made and the room is spotless.

pollypumpkin · 20/12/2007 19:55

I agree they are all really tired now - my 9 yr old DD2 has displayed appalling behaviour recently & i can only put it down to end of term exhaustion (or maybe she really does hate me)

ItsGrimUpNorth · 20/12/2007 20:00

9.30pm????? You're being too soft on the lad.

LoveMyGirls · 20/12/2007 20:02

My dd is 8 and there will be very few times over the hols she will be allowed to stay up past 8.30pm.

Agree with them being tired etc my dd over the last couple of days has totally pressed all my buttons today because she is jelous of my mindees she almost ended up in bed at 6pm for telling me I made her feel lonely, never gave her any attention and I make her yes, her, life hard I got pg at 16 and have not had it easy by any stretch of the imagination and yet I make her life hard.......I managed to bite my tongue (because i never want her to think I regret "giving" up my freedom so young to have her) and say I have wanted nothing but to spend time with you since the day I found out I was pregnant which is why I have only worked full time outside the house for 1 yr out of 8 and I now childmind so I can be there for you as much as possible..........now my head hurts, I know she doesnt really mean it she's just at that age where she thinks she is so hard done to and she said sorry but it still hurts.

CarGirl · 20/12/2007 20:03

9.30pm is a late night for near 11 year old!!!! Usual bedtime is 8.30, non-school nights 9pm. Issue I've always raised is that she can't get up in the morning when she has late nights so she can't really argue with that.

roisin · 20/12/2007 20:12

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "stay up".

DS1 (10) goes upstairs at 7.30 (and there's no TV or PC upstairs), but in the holidays doesn't have lights off until 10 pm.

If we don't have major plans (and we don't this hols - we're chilling), he gets a lie-in most days. So he's getting plenty of sleep.

It's one of the bonuses of the holidays.

I wouldn't put up with the rudeness though.

Original poster

Shout · 20/12/2007 20:20

Thanks for the words of encouragement.I do need to get tougher.

I am sure my son will make a good lawyer, he is 9 going on 19 because he can out argue most adults. I know I have made the mistake in the past by allowing him to discuss situations/outcomes etc and sometimes I have changed my mind as a result of what he had to say. Now however he goes into a tantrum if he doesn't like my final response.

Also he just doesn't sleep his normal bedtime is 9pm.If I send him to bed even at 7.30pm for being naughty he is still tossing and turning and talking to himself at 10.45 at night Thankfully he will still get up for school the next morning and his school grades are A/B.

I have already limited his Tv and computer time he does sport 5 days a week and I have even put lavendar in his room.

DS2 is a dream asleep by 8pm and not a peep until 7pm the following morning.

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 20/12/2007 20:26

The actual bedtime is a distraction I think Shout. He's just up for the negotiating and the pushing the boundaries isn't he? If it wasn't bedtime it'd probably be about how long he's allowed to watch telly for, or how unreasonable you are to expect him to tidy his bedroom etc.

I've had a helluva day with ds1 who is doing just this. It's exhausting. DS2 doesn't sleep well, but I still put him upstairs and let him toss and turn and read or whatever.

Let's put it down to tiredness. And I think you're right too, make a decision and stick to it, and let him run up against it and argue till he's blue in the face for a bit, and then stick to the original decision.

Tiring though isn't it?

mrspnut · 20/12/2007 20:38

This term seems to have been such a long one - we're having angst here with DD1 who's almost 11.

I shall be glad when term ends tomorrow and we can all start to relax (she going to stay with her aunt, uncle and cousin as well on sunday so that's even better )

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2007 20:42

Shout, you sound like a great mum who listens to her boys and accommodates as far you think reasonable. Take heart. They're lucky to have someone as open as you.

smartiejake · 20/12/2007 20:56

My nine year usually old goes to bed at nine in the holidays. She is a grumpy little wotsit oif she is any later.

mumeeee · 21/12/2007 17:56

No YANBU. 9.30 is quite late for a 9 year old. My 15 year old goes to bed at 10.30. She was in bed by 8.30 at 9 years old.

cornsilk · 21/12/2007 17:59

Has someone in his class beem saying they go to bed later than him? I get this all the time from my ds. I have been known to change the clocks in desperate times, altho' that's really not addressing the issue properly I know!

LittleSleighBellasRinging · 21/12/2007 18:08

9PM until he apologises and tidies his room. Then 9.30.

He'll tidy it tomorrow!

curiouscat · 21/12/2007 18:20

omg my 9 year old goes down at 730, lights out at 8 unless a special treat. Over the years we've experimented with later bed times but dc's always get up early regardless so we take the view that we need our evenings in peace. FWIW ours are 9,7,5 and they're not allowed out of bedrooms till 7am.

I'd stick to your guns, Shout but the issues of bedtime and tidying up/saying nasty things to you might best be tackled separately.

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