Money issues AIBU?

[helpmemove88]

I earn 55k and my DH earns 85k

Our finances are kept very separate but we have started paying £500 each into the joint account for bills and baby stuff (currently pregnant)

The house is in my name (inherited) we split the bills. We did split the amount on large furniture items such as sofa, bed etc. but I paid for all the soft furnishings and all the cleaning products/toiletries

I pay for our car (£20k) and petrol (although tbh he does walk everywhere and we mainly use it to drive places that I want to go in the weekend). He pays for the insurance (£300/yr)

Food wise he pays for our dinner (gousto box) and we buy our own lunches but I pay for all the takeaways (approx 2/week) which works out quite even

I end up paying for any fun things we do otherwise he's happy to sit in the house doing nothing

We split restaurant bills but he drinks and I don't really so I end up paying way more than I should

So basically I feel like I'm forking out a lot more than him even though he earns way more than me..

However his money mainly goes towards investing for our future (pension, investing in property/stocks) and so he thinks I spend my money frivolously hence why I have to pay if I want to do any fun stuff with him

Also to note we lived abroad for 2 years and he paid for me to have fun those 2 years with no hesitation

So AIBU to feel annoyed about having to spend more than him even though his money is going towards our future?

Is he investing in pensions/isa's etc in your name or just his own?

However you want to manage it, you really need to get on the same page financially before baby arrives. Even if you don't want to have completely shared finances, the tit for tat approach on who spends what will be extremely boring for you long term.

Bah Humblebrag

Is it just the petrol, fun days and slightly more of restaurant meals that you pay more of? If so I think YABU, you are paying for days out that you want, why should he pay? Petrol - you even said he mostly walks. But yet he’s investing in your future. Also you are both on large wages, it sounds a little petty to be honest.

It sounds even to me??

Cleaning products/toiletries - is this really that much an expense on a 55k salary?

You pay for the car because you use it the most and mainly use it to go to places you want to go.

You pay for the “fun” events out because you want to go.

The restaurant/drink thing is the only thing from your thread I agree with.

He is also “sensibly” investing to your future. You do not mention contributing to this. Do you?

I’m not sure what the issue is?

Are the house and the car are in your sole name and fully paid up? If there is a mortgage, are you repaying it solely? Why didn't you sell it and buy a property together. Was it because it was an inheritance or substantial deposit gifted by parents or you had substantially paid for it by the time you met him?

I agree with babybrain to check whether the pensions and investments he makes are also in your name. Do you have access to the statements?

I find that you both are keeping your finances quite separate. Now that a baby is on the way, would you feel better to re-jig how you share expenses? Do you or he intend to downshift at work once the baby has arrived?

If it were me, I would have both parties contribute much more to the joint account and have the contributions to the joint investments or any mortgage or car payments come out of it and each person take out their own pension.

Each person with have the same amount of discretionary cash in their sole account to spend as you like. You can treat him to fun things and he can save his if he wishes. I find it exhausting to keep score like your resenting paying proportionately more for drinks at restaurants you don't consume or fun things you want to do that he does not want to but comes along anyway. Maybe this feeling would dissipate if there was more contribution into a joint account and transparency as to how that money was spent.

You're married so it will all even out in the end (if there is an end). So as long as you have enough spare cash to fund your hobbies and non-essential spending I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Alright thanks for your advice everyone guess I'm just being petty and will have a word with myself!

Pension is in his name (I have my own pension) the investment properties are joint names. I contributed a hefty chunk in the beginning but I'm sure he has contributed a lot more since then perhaps lack of transparency/me asking is the issue

House is mortgage free and car paid up from my savings

So you were happy to accept him paying more during the 2 years abroad but don't like it now its you paying more proportionally (even though most of the costs are ones you alone are choosing to incur). Seems a bit hypocritical.

If you're married will he have half the house you inherited if you divorce? Please tell me it's safeguarded at least..

Why doesn't all money go into one account (joint) and everything paid from there? You are married and have a child together. Unless you are planning on leaving him, you may as well share finances. Or transfer a set amount each for personal use to your own accounts. Arrangements like this baffle me

Have less takeaways and fun things if he doesn’t want to contribute. Beans on toast and a night in, live us lesser mortals.