How much sympathy do you have about your DC being freaked out by ghosts?

[ItsAllAboutTheLighting]

For background, 2 years ago we lived in a 2 bed flat in which two of my children shared a room. We then moved to a large house with several rooms with a upstairs and downstairs and the kids don't share rooms. In fact they are on different floors, so this began the issue.

DC is 10 and worries about ghosts, they aren't allowed YouTube (they don't have safari etc etc) it's just stories or whatnot from friends.

They are on the stairs tonight refusing to go up until I go to bed.

On school nights this is a much bigger deal because they need to go to bed, and I refuse to go to bed at 9 each night, predicted by a child's fears.

As a child I clearly remember being in bed wide eyed, shitting myself, and unable to sleep.
BUT I didn't move house when we were 8.

Sounds like anxiety around sleeping alone/going to sleep alone which can be tricky when it's something they didn't have to do until you moved.

It's hard to advise without knowing what you've tried already. One of my DC has a lot of bedtime anxiety related to ASD, all of their worries come spilling out at bedtime. Things that have worked for us are a nightlight, Alexa operated light bulbs so they can turn the lights on/off as needed (e.g. if they need the loo they can put the light on before getting out of bed), white noise playing quietly so the room doesn't seem quite so empty, and - at times when it's been bad - sitting either them until they settle and then doing a few nights of gradual retreat (where you move closer to the door each night) until they're happy to settle alone again.

I'd also go with lots of reassurance that ghosts aren't real and even if they were, there has never been a case of one harming someone.

Thanks.

Yes it's about anxiety.

It's about ghosts. He was told something now he is scared to sleep.

@Hospedia

I'd also go with lots of reassurance that ghosts aren't real and even if they were, there has never been a case of one harming someone.

Thanks, yes we have done lots of that in the last two years.

I also remember being wide eyed and terrified as a kid. I have promised myself that my kids will never feel like that. They know that if they are frightened I will be sympathetic. As a result, they get over their fears much quicker.

I have a very over-active imagination and I was TERRIFIED of ghosts as a child. I was reluctant to look out of windows in case I saw the Chike staring back at me...all that sort of nonsense. I think being scared of things that go bump in the night is an intrinsic part of childhood....but thats probably a terribly untrendy view now, and erhaps the view is that children should should be protected from all irrational fears.

As a child I clearly remember being in bed wide eyed, shitting myself, and unable to sleep. BUT I didn't move house when we were 8.

I may be being slow but I don't understand your point.

Is the issue that you don't have sympathy for their anxiety?

Can the share a room or sleep closer to one another?

Scooby doo is your friend, seriously I started mine on it age 3. Implanted the ideas that there's no such thing as the supernatural, it's all silly, there's always an explanation: curiosity, logic, friendship, and good jokes solve our fears for ourselves. Velma is an awesome role model, Daphne & Fred are spiffy dressers, and Shaggy & Scooby don't care about how others see them. "Mystery incorporated" and "Be Cool Scooby Doo" are the best iterations IMO.

Do you think they might be acting up on it because it gets attention/get to stay up later?

I was petrified of ghosts/monsters as a child. I was convinced there was something under my bed and used to lie there frozen in fear for hours. It seems daft now but it's very real for young children

Why can't they go back to sharing a room if that's the root of it?

Do they/would it help it they slept with a nightlight?

@user1477249785

I also remember being wide eyed and terrified as a kid. I have promised myself that my kids will never feel like that. They know that if they are frightened I will be sympathetic. As a result, they get over their fears much quicker.

This ^ Fear is a symptom of an emotional need, it’s not rational, so explaining will never help. Would it help if they shared a room?

I was convinced there was something under my bed at night as a child. My parents did nothing to reassure me. I was terrified . One day I told my grandfather, and his response made me feel so much better. 'Tell it to mow my lawn for me then'. It completely shifted my response and I don't remember being frightened again. He wasn't denying it was there, he was putting me in control of it, rather than the other way round.

@AndSoFinally

Why can't they go back to sharing a room if that's the root of it?

Thinking the same.

@MenaiMna

Scooby doo is your friend, seriously I started mine on it age 3. Implanted the ideas that there's no such thing as the supernatural, it's all silly, there's always an explanation: curiosity, logic, friendship, and good jokes solve our fears for ourselves. Velma is an awesome role model, Daphne & Fred are spiffy dressers, and Shaggy & Scooby don't care about how others see them. "Mystery incorporated" and "Be Cool Scooby Doo" are the best iterations IMO.

Uh huh . . .

What about exposure therapy - watching stuff with friendly ghosts, eg Casper and Ghosts?

@Hospedia

I'd also go with lots of reassurance that ghosts aren't real and even if they were, there has never been a case of one harming someone.

I don't think I'd go for that. It's like the monster under the bed thing, you have to go with them on it. Don't deny their truth- provide them with a way to rewrite their truth. Give them a bottle of anti-ghost spray (lavender water) or something to hang on their bed or a special toy that will repel the ghosts.

@MenaiMna - Love the Scooby Doo idea, going to start my little one on it tomorrow!

[quote MotherHaryy]@MenaiMna - Love the Scooby Doo idea, going to start my little one on it tomorrow![/quote]
My brother and I had nightmares about the snake demon for years. Don't watch that one.

Battery powered fairy lights have helped here. They go off automatically after 6 hours, they aren' t too bright to stop them sleeping but they're bright enough to assuage any fears there are ghosts etc lurking. And they aren't a nightlight, which she finds too babyish.

At various times we’ve had night lights, doors left open, lights left on in landing and hall, one of those projectors that puts rainbows or moons and stars around the ceiling. Basically don’t make them lie in the dark shitting themselves!
I used to be scared at my Gran’s as it was a very dark old house and ‘screaming noises’ came from the pipes and I had a vivid imagination!

I don't know if your Christian or any faith but there are a lot films where crosses and holy water etc ward off or hurt ghosts, demons etc
So if your Christian or atheist and there is a Church near you I would recommend bringing them and collecting or buying holy water for their room and giving them rosary beads (have a cross at the end) to put under their pillow.
There will be lots online if you Google this about the power of these items so they don't have to believe you, it will be written down in black and white. Might help them feel protected.
I want to say I don't actually believe this, but my grandmother had a sacred heart picture in her house and and I used to be nervous sleeping there on my own as it was so dark and she told me the picture with the light in it would protect me. So many adults and so much media reference Christianity that I believed her.
Best of luck, I spent years going to bed with my little sister because she saw a horror film at 7 and wouldn't be alone in the dark till she went to secondary school!

How old is your other DC?

It seems a combination of not sharing anymore and being completely on different floors.

Can you change where they sleep?

I'd genuinely take it seriously, I was always scared as a kid, I'm now 27 and the dark/ghosts still freak me out!

They should probably be put on the same floor, or better yet in the same room again. Night lights are great and I still use them. One thing that always helped me was giving the ghosts a name and a story, as well as another ghost/monster who lives under the bed and is there to protect me - mine is called Gary 😁

It sounds silly but all that crap genuinely helped as a kid and while I still freak out about it a little bit, it stopped me from lying wide awake absolutely petrified night after night.