AIBU to keep going over this?

[ChristmasCringe]

Name change.

I’m getting on my own nerves about this. I think I just need to get it off my chest to stop me ruminating.

Spent today with DPs adult children (6 of them). I’ve spent time with them all individually but not so much in a group.
They are all polite, well brought up. Quite a privileged background (different to mine) and I often feel a bit intimidated by their confidence. And of course a big group of siblings often have their own language/shorthand in conversations. But they don’t exclude me at all.

I don’t drink much but had a few glasses of wine + a liqueur coffee today. I realise in retrospect that I was probably a bit merry.

We were talking at the table, and someone brought up a present I had given which was handmade. It was relevant for the person and they had said they liked it when it was unwrapped.

One of the boys made a joking remark about it and I made a funny remark back and (because he was sitting next to me) I pushed his arm - not hard - I didn’t push him off his chair!) but probably too hard and his elbow went off the table.

He gave me such a look and moved his chair away. I feel mortified. I’m sure DP didn’t notice as he was having another conversation, but I’m sure some will have seen. (They are not at all a touchy-feely family. I don’t think I have ever touched them before- in 5 years!).
I felt like an complete oaf. I didn’t say anything but embarrassment sort of crept up up on me later.

I do have anxiety problems and worrying about how people think about me is a particular issue for me, which is why I’m going over and over this in my head.

Now I’ve written it down it sounds trivial but the impact on my levels of embarrassment is not. Perhaps I also embarrassed him, which makes me feel awful.
AIBU for making a big thing of this, internally?

Don't worry about this. X

Sounds a bit cringe. Did you apologise?

Thanks @Geppili

No @AnneLovesGilbert I didn’t. It crept up on me slowly that I might have come across as a bit oafish.

A quick 'woops sorry, bit too much sherry in the trifle. Are you alright?'

Over the years I have found that saying 'Are you alright?' gives the the person a chance to say something if they wish.

It's really not a big deal but you should still have apologised at the time.

Good advice @2catsandhappy I’ll take that onboard!

I feel I so clumsy stuff like this all the time. I've learned the best way to deal with it is just approach it head on. So text him or chat to him
next time you see him and I can almost guarantee he'll laugh it off and make you feel better about it.

But if you've been part of their family for 5 years!!!! They know you well enough for you not to worry about this. Relax.

Don't worry about it, they'll forget about it. If it happens in future blame the booze, easy done.

I understand the overthinking but I don't think this is a huge deal.

Whilst its nothing to ruin your Christmas peace over, I do think a quick text to apologise and ask if they're ok is the best course of action.

Had anyone pushed my arm I'd feel very weird about it too. It feels aggressive and overbearing.

I'm sure he's fine, but it's polite to check

I wouldn’t worry about it.

If you want you could say sorry I did’t to shove you yesterday. But it’s not vital. He was probably a bit drunk and surprised. It sounds like quite a nerve wracking and adrenalizing day, which is making you think it’s bigger than it is. Try a d relax and forget about it.

@FriendshipsAreHardForMe aggressive and overbearing is exactly how I feel and I really don’t think I am usually.

I will probably see him at beginning of Jan for a big family birthday so will find a way of apologising then.
Thanks

Theres a saying " least said, soonest mended"
I think if you usually get on fine then just act as if it never happened. If he was jokily insulting your present then whilst its not ideal to push his arm, its hardly domestic violence either. Youre very likely overthinking it

I don’t agree with ‘least said, soonest mended’ at all. This strikes of not taking accountability for your actions. He was obviously bothered by what happened for him to move away from you.
That said, I wouldn’t worry OP as you didn’t mean it in a hostile way but if someone did this to me, while we didn’t usually have a touchy relationship, I would feel very uncomfortable as I agree it comes across a bit aggressive. I think a simple apology and move on. I would apologise today, via text if need be though as waiting till January makes it into a bigger thing than it is. By mentioning it again after so long, it makes it seem like a major event which needs formally addressing, which I don’t think it is. We all do silly things without thinking and a quick, ‘I’m sorry, are you ok’ addresses this appropriately.

I can he quote socially awkward and could see something like this happening to me tbh.

The best way to stop yourself ruminating over it is to clear the air and be direct. Say to him something like "im sorry for earlier when i elbowed you,and said XYZ. I dont know what I was thinking and I took the joke far too far. I was weird and I really appreciate you being so relaxed about it"

I think I'd just say something like "Sorry for pushing your arm earlier by the way, I only intended it to be a playful nudge but might have gone a bit OTT"

I also don't agree with "least said, soonest mended". Better to apologise and make your intentions clear IMO.

Please don’t worry at all - it sounds like a minor moment which you’re probably remembering as worse than it was because you’ve had a couple of drinks. Honestly nothing to feel bad or anxious about.

It sounds like you were a bit more merry than you realise but I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.

I’m not a touchy feely person and I wouldn’t know how to react to that so I’d probably do something quite awkward like he did but I in no way would feel offended or anything.
He probably feels more embarrassed than you.