Scrooges

[uptheantrimcoast]

It's my DS's first Christmas so I may be, but I don't think I'm unreasonable. We had PIL, BIL and 2 SIL over today for lunch with the 3 of us.
One SIL turns up very hungover, proceeds to sit on the sofa and basically doze all afternoon until good arrived and she ate and then went back to dozing. 2nd SIL sticks to her older sister like glue so hardly said much either and sat on the sofa too. BIL was also hungover but did make an effort to talk to us and DS.
On top of that, none of the 3 of them brought anything with them! No present for DS, and they've all got jobs. He's 9 months old and so doesn't understand Christmas yet obviously, but I don't think I'd ever go somewhere for Christmas and not take a present for any children - even a token one.

BIL and SILs are 21, 18 and 17. So not very old, but not children.

So AIBU to be annoyed that they went out drinking in covid times before coming to our house, were hungover so v antisocial, and didn't bring anything for my DS?
Has anyone else had annoying house guests today?

PIL were dreams and made the day lovely apart from this!

until *food arrived

Oh also, hungover ones complained of being tired all day. DS is going through the 8 month regression and we were up 7 times last night!! So, that didn't go down well either

The BIL & two SIL’s were rude and poor guests. However I’m sure posters will be along to tell you they are teens who have had a hard time during Covid and deserve some down time, a babies are boring etc. My parents would have wiped the floor with me for behaving like this, let alone in someone else’s home on Christmas Day.

They're not children no but most 17,18 and 21 year olds are still self obsessed little dicks that wouldn't think twice about lounging on a sofa all day and not taking a gift for a child. Ridiculous but they're in their own world.

They were rude but why don’t parents pull their kids up on this type of behaviour? They are young adults, not preschoolers. They should stay home for future Christmas days until they can learn to behave like a decent guest should.

Yeah these are teens and not much past teens. How old are you thay you’ve forgotten already what it’s like? I’m 53 and I still remember. They are just turning up as expected and being thoughtless as is typical for that age, it certainly wouldn’t occur to them to buy your kid a present, I’m surprised you expected it.

Adolescent brain. Massive shift from puberty to mid 20s which explains the behaviour completely. Also if no one told them that’s what they should do they wouldn’t think of it.

@mintyme

The BIL & two SIL’s were rude and poor guests. However I’m sure posters will be along to tell you they are teens who have had a hard time during Covid and deserve some down time, a babies are boring etc. My parents would have wiped the floor with me for behaving like this, let alone in someone else’s home on Christmas Day.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. No one should be “wiping the floor” with anyone. I’m sorry you think this is normal. 💐

Yep. The siblings are still in the habit of riding on the coat tails of their parents - thus no presents required and no helping out. The 17 and 18 year old probably don't have much money anyway.
I think your expectations were a little high - I'm surprised the parents didn't try to cajole them to be more sociable. However there may be a deeper picture of not having had many opportunities to let their hair down recently hence the hangovers. And no-one is at their best with a hangover.

Maybe have Christmas at PILs next year?

I am early 30s so perhaps I have forgotten what it's like to be that age. And I don't expect presents from anyone usually - I suppose the rest of the behaviour annoyed me into thinking they should have brought one.

If we'd been at their house I also would not have been bothered how they acted, but when you visit someone else's house surely you make a little effort?

I may have forgotten what that age feels like but I do know my parents would have told me I was being rude in the same situation

I was about to say YANBU but then I saw their ages; they're teenagers, you're expecting too much.

I’m assuming they’re your husband’s siblings. Are they close? I don’t think it’s weird to feel comfortable enough to lounge around at a family member’s house. I wouldn’t expect to be standing on ceremony. I’m the same age as you OP and while they don’t sound like the most lively guests I really couldn’t get wound up about teenagers being surly and selfish. They’d probably rather be at home talking to their friends online. Everything felt like a drag when I was teenager, especially when I was dragged along by my parents to things I thought were boring!

So PIL brought their teenagers / young adult over to spend the day at yours? They were probably bored senseless and preferring to be at home, they don’t magically become fully mature reasonable adults on their 18th birthday. As a PP has said, there is like a transition stage between teen and full adult (which they reach around their mid 20s) where they one minute can be relatively mature, funny and loveable and at other times selfish, sulky and still prone to the occasional child like strop. I know- I have two of them (17 and 21). Presumably the gifts that PIL brought for the baby were from all of their household?? I think you need to lower your expectations with regard to this. I do however think that turning up hungover and sleeping on the sofa was rude and that is a whole other matter, I would have been very cross if either of my two had done this at a relatives house.