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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is family fall outs normal at Christmas?

9 replies

KA30 · 25/12/2021 17:48

Sorry for not so cheerful Christmas post. We've actually spent the whole Christmas at home this year, just me dp and dc. It's been really nice. We have just had covid and although out of isolation we didn't feel like travelling around to visit everyone. Christmas at the in laws seems quite chilled but my family is a different story.

Anyway, back to the point. I grew up in a family where arguments and fighting were quite common even more so at Christmas . My mum has brothers and they have to spend Christmas together every year despite not getting on at all in the same room. My mum is really close to my grandma and my uncles have nowhere else to go apart from my grandmas as they are single and their children live miles away with their mothers. There's always something that triggers it.

There are fall outs most years now still. I'm not talking about just little arguments or debates around the table. I mean proper almost violent fall outs where everyone storms off and doesn't spend for days or weeks. Things smashed up and presents abandoned. I've seen them swing at each other before. I'm the meats violent aggressive person you could meet - somehow after witnessing this s**t since I was little. I think it's a problem all the time but just gets heightened at Christmas

I haven't actually spent Christmas at my mums for a few years now we often visit before Christmas. Because I find it too much. It just all escalates. I feel stuck in the middle as I love my mum but at the same time I know how much hard work she is and is often the ring leader. I do get on with my uncles generally.

I'm not even there and I feel involved today. Family member has rang telling me all about it. Didn't want to know tbh as it's not new and my children were listening in which I wasn't comfortable with. Expecting me to take sides and I just can't. All as bad as each other. My grandma is so upset and my grandpa would hate all of it.

I like my family members individually but not all together.

It's put me in a shit mood and I'm not even there.

I would have been blissfully unaware if they didn't ring to tell me.

It's always drama drama and I'm sick of it!

Not sure what the point of this post is. I just feel crap. Come from the most unconventional family ever.

Feels like an episode of EastEnders 🤯

I just want to shelter my kids from it too. We aren't a perfect family ourselves but not as bad as that lot!

OP posts:
SweetBabyCheeses99 · 25/12/2021 18:23

Yes that’s not normal and I think you’re right to shield your children from that.

icedcoffees · 25/12/2021 18:32

No, it's definitely not normal.

I think one of the issues is that there's so much pressure for everyone to meet up, spend all day (or worse, several days) crammed in a small space together with no space or time apart. Add in alcohol, tired parents and excited children and you're going to end up with frayed tempers and cross words.

Cocoabutterformula · 25/12/2021 18:34

That sounds awful and definitely not normal Sad

Notmrsfitz · 25/12/2021 18:39

It’s not normal, it’s dysfunctional and having lived like that myself - it’s traumatic as you are just waiting for it to kick off each time.

Nowadays, in my new life - with my partner and his family there is no drama like this and I really love it.

But,next door is very similar to how my life was and just this morning whilst a huge row was going on,we could hear it through the wall and my lovely son who’s home from uni recognised my angst and said ‘mum, this isn’t you this isn’t your life any more’.

Opt out of it for your sake as much as your children’s xx

RampantIvy · 25/12/2021 19:04

It's not normal, although it seems to be on mumsnet sometimes.

gsaoej · 25/12/2021 19:08

It's not normal, no. It's not desperately unusual though.
Don't see them at Christmas and don't pick up the phone either.

cushioncovers · 25/12/2021 19:14

No not normal

Grapewrath · 25/12/2021 19:41

Over tired kids and hormonal teens falling out- normal
Grown adults falling out yearly- not normal.
My Christmas Day was always full of drunken arguments as a kid/teen. It was awful. I’m glad you aren’t subjecting your kids to it.

BridStar · 25/12/2021 20:18

None of that sounds normal. Violence and aggression that regularly just show they're a bunch of, well, scummy types really. We've got a branch of the family who act like that and no one associates with them. They act like animals. Their siblings and parents find then revolting. More importantly, family endeavour to keep their children far away from it so they don't absorb this behaviour as normal and repeat the cycle.

Don't answer their phone calls or attend their homes. Be polite but firm. Behaviour like that is like a disease.

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