So many threads about useless, thoughtless MEN. If you have one please rescue yourself, put HIM on notice and have a better Christmas in 2022!!

[flashbac]

So many threads on:
"He got me nothing for Christmas"
"He is sleeping/in a mood while I cook dinner, entertain his family, look after the kids"
And so on.
I'm not saying LTB (but in some cases that might be the only solution), what I am saying is put that MAN on notice that you won't put up with it any longer. Please don't let your 2022 Christmas be the same.

Or stop enabling their immature behaviours and let them grow up. You’re not their mother you’re their partner. Drives me bloody mad when I read he can’t put the dishes away, he’s lazy .. chances are he’s like that because of his partner

Bumping this for the ladies at the back (i.e. you have been so busy running around all day you've not seen this).
You are not a support human. You are a woman in your own right and YOU deserve better.

Agreed.

Friend is messaging me because she's been up since 5am with kids, doing presents and hosting various family members and cooking and tidying up behind the wake of wrapping paper and chaos. DH has said he was tired, been asleep in a chair all afternoon, and when she said she needed him to finish dinner so she could have half an hour to have a shower and relax, he said he wasn't that bothered for food anyway so he didn't think he should have to (but obviously ate it all when she served it!). I'd have asked for a divorce there and then and she's no doubt doing the washing up right now. I think she's mad to take it - he's like that year round, not just today.

“He’s usually a brilliant husband/father”

If he’s a thoughtless, selfish prick at Christmas, chances are that he’s a thoughtless, selfish prick the other 364 days of the year as well but you’ve just got used to it.

Amen to that! My youngest SIL got divorced a couple of years ago. My DH likes to say that there were faults on both sides. Sure. But the faults on both sides were the same. They were both a bit narcissistic.

BUT at every single one of their parties, her DH was chatting with the guest with a beverage in his hand while she ran around doing all the chores. Both my husband and I and several other relatives did more in the kitchen than her husband did. Hell, I even say my FIL helping in the kitchen at one point and I am pretty sure that that is one of the signs of the apocalypse. It is not like her DH did any preparation for the parties either. It was all her. At one party, at the end of their marriage, she had insisted that he did the afternoon tea. He arranged for us to have it in a bird-watching tower in a forest. A) There was only room for 10 people and we were 28 people. B) He only brought enough juice and cake for like 8 people. Of course one of the people who got cake was himself. I spent that "afternoon tea" outside in a light rain getting nothing to eat and drink. Of course, he hadn't warned us that we would go to the forest either so we were all dressed for an indoor party. It is a good thing that I usually wear sensible shoes and luckily, by then we had experienced his "planning" before, so we had biscuits and water in our car which I sneaked out to get later.

If you find out that the person you have married is not actually a functioning adult: Just pull the plug. It is much better to be single than living together with an overgrown teenager.

Been single a whole now, I can't imagine or foresee or even want a life where I'm having to take into account the moods and uselessness of a dick head.

If a partner makes your life worse, they ain't worth it.

If he’s not on your team and fully contributing to your joint lives then you need to ltb

@MadeOfStarStuff

“He’s usually a brilliant husband/father”

If he’s a thoughtless, selfish prick at Christmas, chances are that he’s a thoughtless, selfish prick the other 364 days of the year as well but you’ve just got used to it.

Yes, quite.

4 years ago, I left my ex after 30 years together. DC and I are doing fine, and they are great and do a fair share of the chores, whereas their dad would do anything and everything to dump it all on me.

He was an abusive prick. He died a year ago and I never have to look over my shoulder ever again.

Mn puts me off men. If I was single I’d be of the belief they’re all absolute arses. I cannot imagine a life where I’d accept being treated so poorly.

Ditched mine 5 years ago. Best thing I ever did.

You need to stay away from Mumsnet Op people are only going to post when they are in a crap relationship .
You won't get posters saying they are perfectly happy and plodding along happily in their relationship.
Mumsnet Is not representative of real life

So I’d he pays half the mortgage, the bills, the childcare…what are you going to do?

@Handsnotwands

So I’d he pays half the mortgage, the bills, the childcare…what are you going to do?

That only matters if you LTB but even then, how much abuse is acceptable if he pays half the bills?

Sometimes putting yourself first and learning to say "no" is the answer, at least initially.

You are mostly NBU but there have been a whole string of posts on here that basically go:

-We agreed not to buy for each other this year to save money
-I decided to get him a little something anyway

• I'm now devastated that he didnt get me anything

which I just dont get. Why help arrange your own disappointment?

Just came on to post my own AIBU about this (fairly certain I'm not) and just saw this thread . What is wrong with some people

@MerryBloodyChristmasDay

Just came on to post my own AIBU about this (fairly certain I'm not) and just saw this thread . What is wrong with some people

What's up? It's good advice. Break free from the patriarchy!

@Handsnotwands

So I’d he pays half the mortgage, the bills, the childcare…what are you going to do?

Pay it all myself, I am an adult capable of working out how much I need to earn every month and cut my cloth accordingly. I managed just fine buying my own house again aged 50+ with two DC while working full time. No spare money for trips to Florida etc but the pay of is not being tied to a partner/ husband who is a knob. My advise to any woman is to be financially independent

@Handsnotwands

So I’d he pays half the mortgage, the bills, the childcare…what are you going to do?

Work toward financial independence if it's entirely impossible to cope financially without another person.

Or

Stop putting a financial value on your self worth and happiness, if it's just that you'd be better off/more comfortable financially with them there.

I think a lot of women need to grow up and realise that getting angry and upset that you didn't get the exact Christmas present you wanted is very childish and immature. If my kids did the same, I'd pull them up on it in no uncertain manner, yet women on MN seem to do it all the time! I'm not religious but in the words of the Bible, once you become an adult it's time to put childish things away.