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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad I don't get any gifts.

40 replies

KA30 · 24/12/2021 21:04

Probably be told I'm unreasonable. I spend a long time trying to make sure my my kids have a perfect Christmas. I also spend a lot of time picking out gifts for family. Cannot afford much but try and buy something nice within a budget. My mum, stepdad, my siblings and in laws etc. I like to gift, I know you shouldn't expect anything in return and generally I don't. But I'm just emotional this year. It's been a tough year for various reasons and we've all just had covid to top it off. Felt like the build up to Christmas has been ruined. I prefer the build up to the day itself.

Me and dp usually do get something for each other or from the kids. But this year money has been tight so decided not to spend anything on each other. I'm fine with that. Hoping to book a weekend away for my 30th in jan - (covid allowing) so saving the £££.

But I'm so sad. My mum doesn't buy me much or anything at all most years. Money is not the issue for her. My siblings (late teens into twenties) have hundreds spent on them each year. Fair enough they don't have children so you'd thinks he spends on the dc instead but she only spends around £20 each on both my dc! My sister put what she got on Instagram last year. She had hundreds off my mum and stepdad. It's not a stepdad issue, he's actually very generous, my mum is financially controlling. My bio dad has never been around. The worst thing is I know my mum buys gifts for her neighbours and her friends kids. Just not me! I can't talk tj her about as she says that kids come first on Christmas and she buys for my kids. Why not just a box of chocs?

Mil usually gets me something. But this year has not. I know I'm not her daughter but I feel crap because I spent a long time picking out something for her as Dp won't be organised enough to do it. She's bought a few things for dp, I know it's her son but I always pick out her gifts and I'm sure she knows that.

My siblings are younger than me, I always bought them gifts including this year but now they are older they don't return it! So probably won't bother. They don't even get dc anything either. The gifts mt mum buys for dc kinda comes from them all.

I don't have friends that I'm close enough with to exchange gifts.

I know a grown woman of 30 shouldn't expect much but j just feel so glum. I spend so long picking out nice gifts.

Before anyone asks how I know this is the case on Christmas Eve, it's because we've all had covid and on tail end of it family have dropped over gifts for dc on our door step.

Nothing for me whatsoever on the tags as I put them under the tree 😪

I just feel like next year not bothering with them and spending the money on myself instead.

Aibu? Or am I sounding entitled?

OP posts:
Sassypants82 · 24/12/2021 22:49

OP, there are several beautiful presents under the tree for me this year, who from? Moi. I'm getting exactly what I want and I've been very generous 😉 even put a few 'xxx' on the gift tag. I told DH not to bother, I'll sort myself and we'll do a very small Chris kindle with in-laws.

Merry Christmas OP.

We1rdEveDay · 24/12/2021 22:54

If you like giving gifts have you considered giving something to your local food bank or local Christmas toy collection ?

Passthecake30 · 24/12/2021 22:54

Buy yourself some gifts next year and watch everyone’s faces when you open them! Also vouchers for everyone you still buy for next year, why put any effort in?! I usually send Dp a link of a token gift I’d like from the kid’s. I don’t get anything from my family but Dps mum gets us a joint gift.

Hawkins001 · 24/12/2021 22:57

@KA30

Probably be told I'm unreasonable. I spend a long time trying to make sure my my kids have a perfect Christmas. I also spend a lot of time picking out gifts for family. Cannot afford much but try and buy something nice within a budget. My mum, stepdad, my siblings and in laws etc. I like to gift, I know you shouldn't expect anything in return and generally I don't. But I'm just emotional this year. It's been a tough year for various reasons and we've all just had covid to top it off. Felt like the build up to Christmas has been ruined. I prefer the build up to the day itself.

Me and dp usually do get something for each other or from the kids. But this year money has been tight so decided not to spend anything on each other. I'm fine with that. Hoping to book a weekend away for my 30th in jan - (covid allowing) so saving the £££.

But I'm so sad. My mum doesn't buy me much or anything at all most years. Money is not the issue for her. My siblings (late teens into twenties) have hundreds spent on them each year. Fair enough they don't have children so you'd thinks he spends on the dc instead but she only spends around £20 each on both my dc! My sister put what she got on Instagram last year. She had hundreds off my mum and stepdad. It's not a stepdad issue, he's actually very generous, my mum is financially controlling. My bio dad has never been around. The worst thing is I know my mum buys gifts for her neighbours and her friends kids. Just not me! I can't talk tj her about as she says that kids come first on Christmas and she buys for my kids. Why not just a box of chocs?

Mil usually gets me something. But this year has not. I know I'm not her daughter but I feel crap because I spent a long time picking out something for her as Dp won't be organised enough to do it. She's bought a few things for dp, I know it's her son but I always pick out her gifts and I'm sure she knows that.

My siblings are younger than me, I always bought them gifts including this year but now they are older they don't return it! So probably won't bother. They don't even get dc anything either. The gifts mt mum buys for dc kinda comes from them all.

I don't have friends that I'm close enough with to exchange gifts.

I know a grown woman of 30 shouldn't expect much but j just feel so glum. I spend so long picking out nice gifts.

Before anyone asks how I know this is the case on Christmas Eve, it's because we've all had covid and on tail end of it family have dropped over gifts for dc on our door step.

Nothing for me whatsoever on the tags as I put them under the tree 😪

I just feel like next year not bothering with them and spending the money on myself instead.

Aibu? Or am I sounding entitled?

I understand your perspectives, it's frustrating I can understand, not sure what perspectives would help,

For me, yes gifts are nice and all, but if I'm honest and if I didn't get any gifts, is think charming, but then I'd be happy with what I currently have and think if its something I want then I'll get it one way or another.

phishy · 24/12/2021 22:58

@We1rdEveDay

If you like giving gifts have you considered giving something to your local food bank or local Christmas toy collection ?
She says she can’t afford much, why put more pressure on her?
Caterinasballerinas · 24/12/2021 23:03

Maybe tell your DH to mention it to his mum that you are worried you’ve offended her due to the lack of gift and that you really value the gesture when she buys for you. Also I’d suggest teaming up with your DC to get yourself a gift. A friend of mine had the elves deliver something the kids could wrap up for mummy.

flashy44 · 24/12/2021 23:17

Your spending time money and effort and its all being taken for granted,wihdraw it all next year and see how hurt they become.

Inthesameboatatmo · 24/12/2021 23:19

I feel you op, I'm a single parent with no family so I get nothing. But I treat myself to something every year ,not much but something I've wanted kind of thing, even if that means waiting for the sales. And I set my kids a budget for me on my amazon account. I put different things that I would like in my basket. Then the kids get to pick one thing for me from each of them and they delete the rest of the things in the basket so I don't know what's coming.

Winniewonka · 24/12/2021 23:57

Make this the last year that you spend on anyone but your children. Next year, if there's any mention of missing gifts for your Mum, Siblings or MIL, tell them that you didn't receive a single gift from anyone, how sad and unappreciated it made you feel and you're not going to let it happen again.
I would have to say something if it was my mother about the disparity between yourself and your siblings that she and your step father couldn't even give you a box of chocolates!

Arabelladrinkstea · 25/12/2021 00:00

Just stop.
Do not buy anyone a gift except your children something smaller and simpler.
I’m sure you’d enjoy Christmas so much more Flowers

DahliaBlue · 25/12/2021 00:24

Your mum probably thinks because you are married with children she does not buy for you any more but buys something for your DC. But she doesn't see your DC as her main responsibility as she has her own dependent DC. You are independent now. The MIL one is strange though since MILhas bought for her son and not you. But perhaps she thinks your mother buys for you. Odd though since previously she bought for you. Siblings not buying is a bit strange if you buy for them. But is it a pattern that has developed because you are older and have always bought for them when they didn't buy for you. Cut out buying for siblings when they turn 18 and just something small up to 18 because your DC should be your focus now. It is a bit sad but they weren't to know you and DH were not buying for each other. Buy yourself something nice when you can.

Pudmyboy · 25/12/2021 00:29

@We1rdEveDay

If you like giving gifts have you considered giving something to your local food bank or local Christmas toy collection ?
This!
ITakeCharge · 25/12/2021 00:46

I agree with posters above, don't get any of them gifts next year. If anyone says anything tell them you got them the same as they got you this year or just that you thought no one was doing gifts for adults - and siblings in late teens or twenties are presumably counted as adults - any more as no one got you anything this year so you are happy to continue that tradition.

Spend your money on your kids, your partner and yourself next time.

Winter2020 · 25/12/2021 02:44

Decide not to buy for adults next year. You can tell your mum/MIL etc we are no longer buying for adults. Personally I would treat my siblings the same so something small for all (scratch card? / smelly set/ biscuits, or nothing for all.

Sassypants82
Quote
"OP, there are several beautiful presents under the tree for me this year, who from? Moi"

Same: I have a number 7 set, Bailey's and chocolate Brazils. Bought, wrapped and tagged by me for me and I'm looking forward to them.

We don't buy for adults except parents but they also buy for us/our kids. If your partner wants to still buy for family on his side let him do it rather than you.

Have a nice day tomorrow. Try and get yourself a treat on pay day - you deserve one!

PinkPrettyPearls · 25/12/2021 03:29

⭐️🎄💐🌷Merry Christmas. Treat yourself when you can, and don’t buy for adults next year xx

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