WIBU to fake a positive Covid test so everybody f***s off?

[glacialseafoam]

As the above really. I don't even know if I’m joking or not at this point I’m so irritated.

Both sides of family have invited themselves for hours and hours tomorrow plus dinner (and breakfast, and lunch, with 7 dogs between them…). Plus they’ve come to see the kids tonight to bring Christmas eve boxes and pyjamas etc. I went on an hour and a half dog walk for some space and they were still here. Honestly, nobody is enjoyable company and I really can’t be arsed. MIL is apparently turning up at 7.30 with her drip of a partner to ‘watch the kids open their presents’. She won’t leave til after dark. She did contribute a cheap sticky toffee pudding and a tin of custard though.

The last thing on earth I want to do tomorrow is cook for 16 (fussy & uninvited) people. And they all wonder why I don’t like Christmas. It’s the same every year. Can’t tell them to leave us alone for the day or come for a hour or something as would create so much drama.

We see both sides of the family ALL of the time, for context. They don’t even really like each other….

F*cks sake.

@glacialseafoam

Didn’t say anywhere they only gave a days notice, but it has escalated and number have steadily increased. Like, ‘oh so and so is coming too, hope you’ve got enough chairs haha.’ I knew they were coming but just had a count up this evening and felt v overwhelmed and in a bit of disbelief at the number of people and dogs that seem to be gatecrashing.

But no-one is gatecrashing!

It's your house and you've agreed to them coming.

Don't do it next year. Just tell them you're having a quiet one and stick to it.

Sorry for the fluff! It's from yesterday.

P.s. if anyone wants to flame...crack on but it sounds like OP needs a break and she can claim it as an error later. This one was! It's also not so easy to develop the personality where you can challenge people directly and firmly, that takes time.

This is absolutely ridiculous by not saying no, you are just enabling their behaviour. Citing your kids happiness as a reason for your lack of boundaries says a lot about how far down the rabbit martyrdom hole you’ve traveled. Your reluctance to enforce boundaries with your extended family, hurts your kids in the long run because it models doormat behaviour.

Rant away but you are the architect of your own misery here and the only way it will change is if you stop acting like you don’t have a choice.

No is a complete sentence, I suggest you add it to your vocabulary.

If you produce a LFT showing positive they can’t come tomorrow then you can say on Boxing Day that the PCR was negative then nobody needs to quarantine.
Surely everyone has food in the house at this time of year, they won’t starve.
You will never have such a great excuse again, and you can spend the morning in bed and instruct your husband on what to do in the kitchen.

It's also not so easy to develop the personality where you can challenge people directly and firmly, that takes time.

Yes but surely the first step is to recognise that the OP and her DH are the ones who are responsible for all these people being in their house at Christmas.

The language the OP is using makes it sound as though it's nothing to do with them at all.

I am surprised how many people on here act like these situations with family aren’t staggeringly awkward to manage.

The 16 people turning up uninvited didn't seem to find it staggeringly awkward.

I knew they were coming but just had a count up this evening and felt v overwhelmed and in a bit of disbelief at the number of people and dogs that seem to be gatecrashing

How are you going to feed 16 people if you've only just realised how many there are?

The cats are safe, but will choose to spend Christmas curled up on kids beds upstairs, rather than being wonderful idiots playing in the wrapping paper.
Honestly, maybe therapy is something I should look into seriously. I’ve been guilt tripped and manipulated my whole life by mother. I’ve never had a relationship with my dad (separated when I was very young) until the last 5 years really, as it was always made out to be some sort of betrayal when I spent time with him, I feel like I’ve missed a lot and hold a lot of hurt for how that made him feel. I have no issues when I need to say no to others, but really feel trapped with my ‘family’, it’s just not something I can/know how to navigate.

Right if all those cheeky fuckers turn up tomorrow none of them are sitting on their arses.Delegate out as many jobs as humanly possible to them

*Have someone be a tea bitch and in charge of cuppa's
*Get them to set up and lay the table
*Have them wash and dry the pots/pans/dishes
*Get them clearing and cleaning the table afterwards
*Have them help clean the kitchen after the cooking is done/taking out the bins.
*Absolutely use adults with useable hands as waiters.

And lastly do not be afraid to ask for a financial contribution towards the cost of food;feeding all those extra mouths is expensive.

Sounds ikr you can't get out of it this year. So next year I would be booking a holiday away for Christmas.

Do it OP. Covid has been so fucking depressing for everyone - if you can use it to your advantage then I would!

@glacialseafoam

The cats are safe, but will choose to spend Christmas curled up on kids beds upstairs, rather than being wonderful idiots playing in the wrapping paper. Honestly, maybe therapy is something I should look into seriously. I’ve been guilt tripped and manipulated my whole life by mother. I’ve never had a relationship with my dad (separated when I was very young) until the last 5 years really, as it was always made out to be some sort of betrayal when I spent time with him, I feel like I’ve missed a lot and hold a lot of hurt for how that made him feel. I have no issues when I need to say no to others, but really feel trapped with my ‘family’, it’s just not something I can/know how to navigate.

Ok, you definitely need to do it then. Seriously. Fake a positive Covid test and then your new year resolution can be to learn to put healthy boundaries in place with these people. You deserve better

@RandomMess

Treat yourself to therapy in the new year so you can learn and implement some boundaries.

@glacialseafoam

Seriously, this is the best advice going forward.

You only pay for saying no if you allow it

Keep disappearing to the toilet, claim stomach cramps, the runs & feeling sick,that should shift them.

My ex mil tried that one Christmas, wanting to turn up at 7.30am, she got told firmly not to come before 10.30am, she took the himp & didn't turn up at all, it was bliss.

Drip a little bit of orange juice (the fresh carton stuff, not squash) onto a lateral flow and it will show as positive.
Photograph it and send it everyone dramatically proclaim "oh no! Christmas is ruined! So sorry guys"

Pour yourself a large wine.

And Have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas

OP,

You are so young, this is the perfect time to do some therapy.

You know there is an issue and helping you to unravel your inability to say No to such a huge unwanted imposition would be life changing.

I mean this very kindly but to allow that many people and their dogs into your home when you really don't want it, is not healthy, but then allowing even one person to tell you they are imposing themselves on you, is too much.

This would be a great gift to yourself.

Your mother is very selfish and not a good person.

She has put her wants and needs ahead of her child for many years.

When you fully realise just how wronged you have been by her, I think you will find it easier to say enough.

Have a lovely day.
Perhaps start today in a small way by not doing as much.
Tell others to sort drinks etc.
Do less.
Get a headache and retire and leave the clean up.

What did you decide to do OP?

I think those of us who don't understand the guilt tripping that the OP's family does have maybe been able to set our families' expectations early on.

In our case, when DH and I got married we told each family that we would take it in turns to visit each family every other year for Christmas. Both families were over 300 miles apart with us somewhere in the middle so it was unrealistic to see both families at Christmas. We would then visit the family we weren't staying with for a weekend a week or two before Christmas.

This worked really well until DD was born, when we then told everyone that as we had done the travelling every year that if they wanted to see us they had to make the effort and visit us.

This also worked just as well.

I would also say that both of us have made it very clear that trying to guilt trip us into doing something that doesn't work for us would be futile - basically going back to setting other people's expectations.

growyourownjam
Yes fake it a&nd enjoy your Christmas.

Such good sound responsible advice.

Ffs. They could all do one! There’s no way on this earth that would happen to me not even the once! Nah the front door would be locked curtains and blinds shut 🤣🤣🤣 Fort Knox! And as much as I love Dogs seven of the fuckers! This has got to be a wind up!

2021

Why do this to yourself? Refuse next year, so what if it causes drama, do you even need these selfish and thoughtless people in your life? It does nt matter if they are family, they sound awful and I would be no or very low contact with them!

@Coasterfan it is next year, this post is from 2021. I'll report it as a zombie to MN but I don't know when they will pick it up 🙄

I’d probably better just grin and bear it.

So what is the point of this tedious thread?

YABU to use us as an outlet if you’re just going to keep being their doormat.

I didn’t realise this was from last year! Well I hope OP has told everyone to do one this year and is having the lovely peaceful Christmas she wants!