To ignore grumpy (grinch) friend and to enjoy my Christmas without them?

[Lovemusic33]

A guy I have been casually seeing and been friends with for a few years, hates Christmas, keeps moaning about it and telling me how Christmas is fuelled by money, he refuses to buy his adult dc anything because ‘he doesn’t celebrate Christmas’, saying he’s going to lie to his kids that he has covid so he doesn’t have to see them. He says Christmas brings back bad memories (a relative dying) so he just wants to stay away from people until it’s over. I’m not bothered that he doesn’t want to celebrate but he keeps messaging to remind me how rubbish Christmas is and how depressing it is etc….etc… and it makes me feel miserable. I did invite him over but he declined (many people have tired inviting him).

I love Christmas although it also holds so pretty awful memories for me, I make it fun for my kids (teens) and Iove all the cheesy stuff like the Christmas films, decorations and food. I don’t really want to be around someone (or exchange messages) that hates Christmas.

AIBU not to talk/message him until after Christmas?

I feel like he’s looking for attention, like he’s trying to make everyone else feel bad because he doesn’t enjoy Christmas. I have sympathy for anyone who finds Christmas hard but I feel he’s trying to project it on me and make me feel bad for enjoying it.

YANBU

Is he a fun sponge about everything else as well? Or just Xmas?

Just block him until New Year or forever

He is a fucking mood hooverer and I would block him to stop him spoiling your xmas.

I am in a very low mood. I was supposed to travel to see my eldest dd to spend the week with her. I have not seen her in a year. I miss her so much and have been crying on and off since Tuesday when it got cancelled. But I have two small children that I am hiding my tears from and doing jazz hands so they don't notice. What a shit he is to his kids.

just message him and say you hope he has a good few days doing whatever he wants and you will speak to him in the new year as you will be busy making (and enjoying) Christmas special with your family.

Christmas is emotionally loaded for a lot of people and IMO over hyped and most definitely shockingly, exploitatively commercial, competitive, etc... so does probably more harm than good but every stable, healthy individual adult has the abilityto mitigate that within their small circle. People with children have a responsibility first and foremost to their children obviously.

You're right to block him for 3-5 days. Tell him first thst your responsibility over the next 3-5 days is to your teens. You know he'll understand because he's a parent and not mind because he doesn't celebrate. You'll speak to him on 27th/ 28th. Then block and forget about him til the stated time.

Why have you invited him then? YABU for that.

He keeps messaging to remind me what a shit time of year it is for him. I haven’t responded. Pretty sure he does have bi-polar but he is also an attention seeker, he likes to let everyone know when he’s having a bad day but also likes to tell everyone (on social media) how amazing his life is too.

A lot of people have a tough time at Christmas, I lost a relative on Christmas Day one year but she loved Christmas so we are never sad Christmas Day, we remember er for how much she loved it. Other than the fact he lost a relative he has no other reason to hate Christmas. He will moan in a few days about how he spent it alone despite the fact many people had invited him over.

It’s made me see a whole different side to him tbh, so I am tempted not to contact him for a while (maybe never).

YANBU. I couldn't be with someone who 'doesn't do Christmas.' It's usually a sign that they're a grumpy tightwad in other areas. They want you to know they don't 'do' Christmas, so you don't expect anything from them - material goods, or any general thoughtful behaviour. They set the bar low, and see if you will tolerate it, and if you do SCORE - they don't have to do much - ever.

@SoniaFouler

Why have you invited him then? YABU for that.

I invited him a while ago, I thought he didn’t like Christmas because he was spending it alone so offered for him to have Christmas dinner here. He turned it down and said he wanted to spend Christmas alone (pretend it’s not happening). His dd was going to visit him tomorrow but now he’s going to tell her he has covid.

@Lovemusic33

He keeps messaging to remind me what a shit time of year it is for him. I haven’t responded. Pretty sure he does have bi-polar but he is also an attention seeker, he likes to let everyone know when he’s having a bad day but also likes to tell everyone (on social media) how amazing his life is too.

A lot of people have a tough time at Christmas, I lost a relative on Christmas Day one year but she loved Christmas so we are never sad Christmas Day, we remember er for how much she loved it. Other than the fact he lost a relative he has no other reason to hate Christmas. He will moan in a few days about how he spent it alone despite the fact many people had invited him over.

It’s made me see a whole different side to him tbh, so I am tempted not to contact him for a while (maybe never).

After this ^ yep, definitely bin him! He sounds awful.

Have you posted about him before? Sounds familiar

@pannikin

Have you posted about him before? Sounds familiar

No I haven’t but I’m sure there are men similar to him 🤣

As I’ve got older (almost 40) I have decided not to put up with any of this from men. I seem to attract the type that want me to feel sorry for them or want to drag me down with them.

I shall ignore him.

You could send a single text back

"I enjoy Christmas. I do not enjoy your grumpy Grinch posts. So I'll be muting your for a while"

And then maybe forget to unblock him ... ever!

He's lying to his own children to avoid seeing them? What a dick.

@CanofCant

He's lying to his own children to avoid seeing them? What a dick.

Yep. I told him “I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids Christmas Day even when they are adults” he has 3 kids aged 19-23 ish. My dd is almost 18 and I couldn’t imagine lying to her or not wanting to see her. So I kind of told him he was being unreasonable but he took no notice of anything I said and plans on spending Christmas alone by telling the kids he has covid.

Anyway, I shall enjoy my Christmas with my dc. We are watching cheesy Christmas films whilst stuffing our faces with quality street 😋. If he wants to be miserable then that’s fine.

He’s a misery. Pie him off.

I tell him it’s his choice to ignore/dislike Christmas but that he is being selfish and mean to others, especially his daughter!

Please block him at least for a few days.