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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse the kindness of strangers when it comes to my son

22 replies

jellies · 20/12/2007 16:29

I was recently traveling alone from Heathrow with 3 children under 4, My eldest needed the loo, so being Heathrow and having no 'family facilities' I struggled into the Disabled Loo (sorry if this is an offence!)
A lovely lady passing by watched my struggle and offered to mind the younger two outside the loo while I sorted No 1 son out... I politly declined - what I am sure was a genuine offer... Can you Imagine it though giving your 2 babies over to a complete stranger in an international Airport... (with their pasports in the buggy!)

OP posts:
moondog · 20/12/2007 16:30

It sounds hellish.I have done this with two under 4-can't imagine it with 3.I probably wouldn't have althoguh would have thanked effusively and no,no problem using a disable loo. Having loads of small kids is a pretty handicapping experience after all.

Awenamanger · 20/12/2007 16:31

YANBU. Was a very nice offer from the lady but i wouldnt leave my dc in the care of a a complete stranger in that instance.

crokky · 20/12/2007 16:31

YANBU, kind of her, but then again, Rose West probably looked like a kind lady!

pukkapatch · 20/12/2007 16:34

errr, i thought most places realised that disabled loos are also vitally important for mom's with buggies. whether it is 3 under four or one almost threee year old. i never liked the idea of leaving my dc outside when i was taking a leak, even in the ladies.
in the local shopping mall, they have two disabled toilets. on is opened by one of those keys that disabled people seem to have access to, the other is for mooms with buggies, despite a chaning room

kittylouise · 20/12/2007 16:36

No, YANBU. Heathrow Airport is not the place to start trusting strangers. Always took dd in the cubicle with me (didn't even ewant to leave her outsied by the sinks).

nailpolish · 20/12/2007 16:37

god no i wouldnt have left my dc with a stranger while i wnet to the loo

its a nightmare when in a cafe just you and the dc - one child needs th etoilet - do take all dc to the toilet, with your bag/purse, or do you leave dc at the table? even if person at next table offers to watch them?

i have this problem all the time

MrsTittleMouse · 20/12/2007 16:37

I always felt bad about using disabled loos, but didn't really see any alternative. Glad to hear that it's normal. What else is there to do???

MrsTittleMouse · 20/12/2007 16:38

I always felt bad about using disabled loos, but didn't really see any alternative. Glad to hear that it's normal. What else is there to do???

naturalblonde · 20/12/2007 19:34

My local shopping centre has a mum and buggy toilet in the ladies. It's a godsend.

meepingaroundthechristmastree · 20/12/2007 19:37

My local John Lewis also has a Mum and buggy toilet in the ladies - plus a parenting room with a huuuuge toilet with a changing station AND a little persons toilet right beside the grown up one

Bridie3 · 20/12/2007 19:40

I did exactly this once in a M&S cafe. I asked the elderly lady with a walking stick to mind the baby while I took desperate potty-training toddler to loo. She couldn't have moved very fast with her lame leg and she was nice.

Sometimes you do have to trust to the kindness of strangers.

A friend used to travel back from Egypt with five under sevens. She had to rely on others. Nothing bad happened to her children.

Rose West did NOT look like someone you'd trust a small child with. She looked like a rather grubby woman from the underclass IMHO. Go for a kindly granny-type or another mother with a child.

kerala · 20/12/2007 19:48

Its sad that you feel suspicious. Though understand why you did.

SSStollenzeit · 20/12/2007 19:54

You did the right thing, better safe than sorry. No doubt she genuinely meant well but I am sure she wasn't offended when you turned down her offer.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 20/12/2007 20:06

oh poor you. I also use disabled toilets, and feel utterly crappy about it. But what on earth is the alternative? I am generally pretty relaxed and feel I need to give my kids the message that, bascially, people are to be trusted- but just don't feel able to take the risk with my kids.

lennygirl · 20/12/2007 20:13

Message withdrawn

lizandlulu · 20/12/2007 20:20

not very relevant to the OP but i remember when i was about 35 weeks pregnant, in a shopping centre and desperately needed the loo. the baby must have been laying on my bladdder cause when i had to go, i had to go NOW or else i would wet myself.
there was a massive que at the ladies, so i went in the disabled, and when i came out there was a lady in a wheelchair and an able bodied woman just walking up to the toilet.
the able bodied woman said in a very loud voice 'we will get to use the toilet when non disabled people are finished'
i felt awful, not cause i thought i had done wrong, as it was a geniune emergency, what else was i to do? just wait and have pee leaking out onto the floor!
i hoped this woman might have had a bit of compassion for a heavily pregnant woman.

Original poster
jellies · 21/12/2007 11:33

I need to know what a dirty morlock is I like the sound of it!!! Trying to pick up as many non sweary words as I can.... little mimicks
Liz.. what a meanie (you must have looked a very neat 35 weeks)I never like using them but I would DIE if anyone commented on me doing so!
I know people are generally good and well meaning, and it IS sad I couldnt bring myself to trust her, but it seems a lot of us dont think heathrow is a place to start trusting strangers...

OP posts:
BonyM · 21/12/2007 11:37

I thought that "disabled" toilets were just disabled accessible, not exclusively for the use of disabled people? I'm sure I will be shot down in flames if I'm wrong! I wouldn't use one as a matter of course but if I have the buggy with me I will and have done when pregnant.

lizandlulu · 21/12/2007 12:40

i woulnt say 'neat'. more that the baby was hidden in all the fat that i already have!! im a larger lady and didnt look pregnant, just fatter than normal!!

Emprexia · 21/12/2007 13:19

i've only ever had to take up someones offer of watching my DSD once.

she was flying back to Ireland on her own, and DH and I had to leave her at security, she was only just 14 and we were a little concerned she'd get lost.

thankfully, an older couple infront of us heard us talking to her about what she had to do and where to go, and the queue was so long we were talking to them for about 30 minutes.

They kindly offered to keep an ear out for her gate announcement and make sure she found the right place to go.

beeper · 21/12/2007 14:40

NO Way YANBU.

I would never leave any child of mine with a stranger. I often use disalbed toilets. There needs to be an increase in Family toilets.

There is no way my 8 year old DS is going in a adult mans toilet.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 22/12/2007 19:59

oh the adult men's toilets thingy is very hard

Ds, who is 4, INSISTS on using them.

We have a compromise. If it is quiet, he gets to go in there, but the door stays ajar AND he has to sing to me the whole time.

We do get some very odd looks...OTOH it is a cheaper treat than an ice cream.

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